I am still on a high from my first photography stint after a long while. I want to learn more about my new camera toy (hopefully I will post my thoughts after months of using it) so I am staying in the momentum by just always taking more photos whenever I can. I have a lot of plans in mind (i.e. photowalks, workshops) but since I couldn’t really travel to my target spots right away (know of delaying gratification, self? lol), I decided why not start where I’m at.
And so one morning, I started just walking around the house and started shooting stuff.
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| Plastic flower decors that served as centerpiece of the sala. |
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| One of my pet cats, Patty. |
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| I was busy taking photos of Patty when my two other cats approached me and entered the frame. |
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| Stocks that definitely need disposing now. 😅 |
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| Ahh I love all the details that this camera can capture. I am loving macro shots now. |
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| More decorations from the sala. My mom loves having these. |
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| She believes these jade figurines bring good fortune. |
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| My mom had this phase when she collected these Mcdo happy meal toys. 😁 |
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| My grad photo that hung by the wall. I had to wipe that layer of dust after taking this photo. 😅 |
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| My stuff inside an old unoccupied room (formerly my siblings'). |
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| When my siblings moved out of the house, their rooms became stock rooms. xD |
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| Merch from a concert, now sits quietly in the room. |
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| My old books, scattered around the room. |
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| Stickers that are older than me, still here at my brother's room. |
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| Items from my room... which reminded me of my ambitions and motivators in life. 😅 |
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| my little corner of crystals |
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| I figured crystals look so good and colorful in the photos. |
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| I have this on my working desk. I am in love with the colors. |
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| Patty, approaching me with those soft lovely eyes (she's hungry, perhaps). |
I am still exploring features of this camera and I am excited to know more about it. For sure, I will take more photos and will publish more photos here (uhh who still does blogging in 2026? haha well, I do).
I'm not sure now how it happened, but one day I suddenly remembered that I used to love taking photos. I specifically had a niche back then... live music and astrophotography. I think recent events planted some seeds in my mind because suddenly I remembered the things that I was passionate about.
One day, I revisited my Flickr account. I realized I missed shooting with a camera. I know our smartphones do have a camera, but it still hits differently when you have a separate gadget that is intentional for taking photos. I kind of compare shooting photos with a camera with listening to music via vinyl records. Those activities are intentional, compared to just taking photos on your camera or listening to music via Spotify or YouTube Music. For me, intentional activities make the experience more enriching and immersive.
Now that I picked up a camera again, my subject of interest has changed. I am now more into capturing people's photos… framing emotions in an image to last forever. I think my recent experiences with The Shared Table have influenced me pursuing another type of photography.
I grabbed the first opportunity to shoot when it came to me: a Toastmasters speech contest.
I am realizing that I love taking photos of people’s reactions, emotions, and gestures. And that’s what I strived to capture with every shutter click of the camera.
I want to capture that moment when people laughed because of what the speaker said. I want to shoot those moments when people socialized and mingled with each other during breaks in the program. I want to catch the emotions of pride of the mentors as they watch their mentees on the stage.
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| I specifically like this one: two officers busy helping out each other, seen through a door's glass. |
I knew something special was fueling me when had the energy to sift through 900+ photos (I was shooting in burst mode 🤣) of that event, as soon as I got home, to be able to get the shots that I liked. The process felt like a breeze as well. I thought I won't be able to finish tagging and editing all the photos, but I was able to curate them and upload them online all in that same night.
I closed my laptop past midnight already, but my mind was still awake. I was feeling happy, because I was able to produce an output that I liked.
This was my first attempt to shoot after a while, and I feel energized doing it again. I know I still have a lot to learn about the technical side of photography, but I do know that my heart is already in it. ✨
I'm excited to shoot more photos and create more memories! 📷✨
Since seeing their viral Instagram reels from last year, it has been one of my bucket lists to see a live performance of this improv group called SPIT MANILA. My interest in their group got reignited recently when I caught their guesting at Ang Walang Kwentang Podcast. I never thought this goal of mine would be checked sooner than later! 😁It was a random day when a fellow Toastmaster (one of our legendary mentors) messaged me on Facebook if I would be interested in seeing their upcoming show at 12 Monkeys Music Hall and Pub at Estancia Mall in Ortigas. Well, looking back, there were a lot of reasons for me to not go: the date and time (it was a weekday night 😅), the location (I have to travel midway to the north of Metro Manila 🚃), and the current weather situation at that time (those unpredictable habagat rain showers ⛈️). It could have been so easy for me to say that nah, I'll pass. But I don't know, I didn't see any of those as hurdles. Maybe if I really wanted something, the road that leads to it becomes a clear and smooth path inside my mind. 🧠
Commute to the Venue
I believe the Universe was in sync with me. On show day, I was able to finish my work tasks on time, which allowed me to do an early out of my shift. Also, it wasn't raining. So the only unknown factor for me was the state of the traffic. Coincidentally, I was in my "early bird" era because recently, I have been discovering the benefits of being early in any appointment. Following this new paradigm shift, I left our house with several hours buffer before the start of the show. I took the MRT (it's been a while since I did this) and I was pleasantly surprised that the fee was actually being subsidized. I only paid around PHP6.00 for my fare from Ayala to Shaw Boulevard station (my wallet was so happy ✨). I realized then that the afternoon rush hour was beginning to pour down. But surprisingly, my commute was smooth and convenient. I was able to sit down and I didn't need to push through a crowd. I even got to ride the lift down the station where I got off, or else I would have had to climb down those infamous stairs... and my knees won't be happy with that. 😅
The venue of the show was walking distance (< 2 kilometers) from the train station, and so I decided to just walk my way there. It was the right decision, because traffic was becoming heavier in that area (I would have arrived later if I took a Grab). Because it was still early, I had the luxury to stroll and leisurely do my walk towards the mall. When I finally got there, I still had a few hours to spare. I originally planned to grab a snack somewhere and just chill (and read a book on the Kindle) when I spotted my Toastmaster mentor already strolling around the mall. 😁
Deep Talks With a DTM
It was actually from this mentor that I learned the benefits of being early (and also from another good friend 😊). When I called him, we walked around the mall together to find a place to eat while waiting for the gates to open in the venue.
When we got to sit down at our chosen restaurant, I grabbed this chance to ask some deep life questions from him. I have known him for years in our Toastmasters club and I was always at awe on how he works consistently to mentor new members. I wanted to ask his secret, behind this drive, that he still has for life. In alignment with this, I actually got inspired by another "seasoned" Toastmaster who was still so full of life. I got to meet her in one of our officers' training sessions. At first, I felt overwhelmed with her energy. But on second thought, I felt admiration towards her. Then I thought... When I get to her age, I want to have that same lively energy and gusto in life like hers.
And so, this was the root of the questions that I asked my mentor that night. Well, my mentor did not answer them in ways that I would have expected, like launching into an inspirational TED talk. He gave lighthearted examples, that when you hear it, you see and understand that deeper message hidden within them. One notable answer that he gave me was "always update your music playlist." He then told me stories when he and his colleagues went to videoke and they were surprised by his music choices like Teenage Dream by Katy Perry. He said that I should avoid being stuck in listening to the songs of my teenage years. On the surface, it sounds like pretty nice advice about music choices but when you read into it deeper, that advice is all about being adaptable with the times, and indeed it's a very essential skill when you want to survive long in this world. 😁
Here's The Part About The Improv Show 🤣
Time flew by and before we knew it, the gates of the venue had opened, and the audience had started arriving at the venue. I was the one who booked our tickets and I intentionally chose a table near the stage (ours was second from the stage) so we would have the best view of the performance. It was also a sold out night! The energy of the crowd was contagious. I didn't see a single face who was scowling. Everyone was just smiling and grinning. Obviously, we were all just enjoying the show.
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| We were this close from the stage. I didn't need to zoom in the camera. |
Because I was near the stage, I really was able to feel their stage presence when they did their performances. I also got to give my participation as I shouted words in response to their prompt questions.
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| They asked the crowd about their favorite mobile app. I instantly shouted that purple app's name because lately I always anticipate notifications from that app. Hihihi. 🤣💖 |
My favorite sections of their show were:
- that part when they were rapping and incorporating the random words that they got from the crowd
- a story telling portion wherein a member acts like a maestro pointing to members randomly and they have to continue the story telling in a seamless manner
And I also had my bias member (haha KPOP yan?! 🤣). My happy pill that night was SPIT Member Ariel Diccion. 😁
I noticed that most members are really multi-talented and do lots of roles throughout the show. If not performing improv on stage, some members are seen playing the electric keyboard to give the performance its added comedic element. I got to try this once during an org apps night during college, and it was challenging! I had to always have an active listening ear to check the current "mood" of the skit so I can play the melody that complements it. 🎹
There were also some celebrity sightings there. I believe Kathryn Bernando was there that night as well, because the camera panned to her when focusing on an audience member who was asking a question for a skit.
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| Filipino girl group KAIA also guested during the show. Speaking of updating one's music playlist, go stream their latest single. 😁🎧 |
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| Happy kid that night. 😁 |
It was such a delightful night. It was raining lightly outside when we got out, but thankfully I was able to get a ride right away. I’m just so happy I got to experience watching them. You know what I want to do next? I want to learn improv, or maybe even theater workshops. Hehe, let's see, that's a future side quest to come. 🍄✨
It’s been exactly a year since a part of myself died. Actually, around this time last year, I was being introduced to a (back then) unfamiliar, but very human emotion -- grief.
Some say it’s heartbreak, but I now just look at it as a form of grief. It’s having an overflowing energy of love, but there’s nowhere for it to go anymore. You’re forced to shut it off, but you can’t. Before, I thought grief could only be associated with the feelings for someone who has passed away, but it is the same emotion that can be felt for someone who is still alive, but is no longer with you.
And so, this day last year was the start of my journey to manage this very powerful emotion that I still didn’t know how to carry. Each day was a unique experience with it. Some days it was small. Some days it was huge and dark and cold. Some days it was a huge wave that came crashing into my soul, making me incapable of doing even the most basic of things. 🌊 😔
They say grief comes in waves. And I now have my first-hand experience of this. It came to a point when the waves were larger than life, and it felt so overwhelming that I was absolutely drowning in it. My existence was in survival mode for most of those months. My inner demons, who have been co-habiting with me all my life, saw this as a perfect chance to overpower me. 😅
It was a roller-coaster ride. I learned a lot about my coping mechanisms (which, interestingly, excluded drinking, and I thank the Universe for that).
I journaled a lot, most of which have not seen the light of day again. I don’t know if I will publish them here. Maybe yes, maybe no. 😅
I worked out a lot (well, not a lot a lot, but it was a lot by my standards 🤣). It served as a means of releasing the stress and anxiety from my system because exercise produces those happy hormones that helped me stabilize my mind.
I read a lot. It’s fascinating that I suddenly became interested in all the self-help books that tackled what I was currently going through. It felt like it was part of my coping strategy to learn more about what I was going through so that I could survive it.
Looking back, I realized... What a journey that was. And it’s already been a year? Time really flies... I was not having fun though, but time did pass by, and it will continue to do so, regardless of my state of mind.
I feel it in my bones how much I have changed. It was indeed a transformation. Really, experience is the best teacher. That’s the gift that I have received from everything that happened. I am now braver to show how I care because I learned that life is a fleeting experience, and not all opportunities will be there forever. So, if you have something to say to someone you love, or you want to do something for someone you care about, you do it... because you might not have the opportunity to do it in the future.
And really, vulnerability is scary, but with the right person, it feels... safe. 🥰 That is what I am learning this time around. 😊
I now love, not out of fear, but because I want to. And I now know that whatever happens, I will be okay.
As I end writing this post, I look at the clock. Around this time, I would have been en route to my home after befriending grief. So, in the tiniest possibility that the bootstrap paradox is possible, I would like to create a causal loop. Tonight, as I see my younger self arriving home, in broken pieces, fresh from the disentanglement, I want to reach out to her across time and give her a long hug. I will tell her...
"Hey, Kath. I am you, just a year older. It’s okay. Everything will be alright. You are not seeing it yet, but you will eventually get where I am now. You will go through a lot, but you will power through it. A lot of people around you will pour their heart and care for you. Receive them. You are not alone in this journey. Always remember that I love you so much." ✨
Today, my grief is not totally non-existent. I think it’s impossible to eliminate it. I learned that I would, from time to time, mourn the version of myself that lived that life.
It took a village for me to get where I am now, and I will always have gratitude towards the people who helped me, and are continuing to give a helping hand. 😊 Life is life-ing. ✨🥰
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