The book that I chose to start this new format is "The Reason for God" by Timothy Keller. It is one of the reference materials mentioned in one of our Alpha Series sessions. Through those sessions, I was introduced to great books related to religion. That's where I actually discovered C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity", which I finished reading last year but have not yet blogged about (it is already in the queue 😅).

I started reading "The Reason for God" a few weeks ago. Initially, I downloaded a sample on Kindle first to get a feel of the book. I liked what I read, and so after finishing the sample, I purchased it on Amazon. I have now completed rereading the Introduction part, and so these are my insights.

It was mentioned there that religion is the one that succeeds the triumvirate of race, gender, and class. And I agree with that. Religion is a powerful concept and force in humanity. Different religions can lead people to extremes, either toward great things or toward the worst things.

However, I am not entirely sure about the author’s observation that the world is becoming more religious and less religious simultaneously. I think I am more exposed to the side where the world is becoming less religious. Based on my observations of my friends, most of them are agnostic. I have only met a few who are very devout: either as practicing Catholics or as dedicated followers of their religion. This made me curious about how the book will expound on that statement.

I also like how the author described his journey in processing religion. He divided it into three barriers: the intellectual, the personal, and the social.

In my own life, I oscillate between the intellectual and the personal barriers. I have witnessed God do great things in my life: both in the smallest moments and in the grandest ones. However, there are still parts of my mind that want to understand religion in a logical way. Maybe that’s why I’m reading these books. I’m asking difficult questions, like the ones raised by the author. At the same time, I find myself questioning my own beliefs. I’ve often thought that no one religion is entirely right: but I want to challenge that idea. Why do I think that? If I consider myself as a Christian and believe the Bible is the source of truth, then that belief does not fully align with its teachings. This is an area where I feel confused, which is why I’m trying to study and explore different perspectives. I’m glad the author raised this issue on the onset. He mentioned that Christianity began to make more sense to him, and that he will expound on this throughout the book. I’m curious about how he arrived at the conclusion that Christianity is the one true religion.

On the personal barrier part, I am continuously rebuilding my relationship with God. I had been away for several years (more than a decade actually 😅), and only recently have I begun trying to reconnect with God/Creator/a higher being/Universe. By the way, I tend to use these terms interchangeably. I recognize that the term "god" can be tied closely to religion, while I sometimes prefer to describe this presence as the universe: the energy that sustains everything and keeps the world in motion. It’s difficult to fully articulate how I feel, but I know that I am still in the process of building that relationship with the Creator.

As for the third barrier, the social one, I am still searching. One of my guides right now are my friends in the Alpha series sessions. I’ve come to recognize the importance of having a community and people who can guide you as you grow in your faith. I’m open to learning about different religions because I’m curious about Buddhism and its teachings, as well as Christianity and Catholicism. I’m also fascinated by the social aspect of religion: how people come together, bond, and grow in faith as a community. This remains an ongoing journey for me.

Further more as I read the Introduction part (yes we are just in the beginning of the book 😆), it was also interesting when the author said that 

I think this is true. From what I’ve observed in older generations compared to my own, people today seem to be more liberated when it comes to choosing a religion that aligns with their beliefs. I see this in my family and among my friends. People seem more empowered now to choose what resonates with them, rather than simply following the religion they were raised in. I see this as a positive shift because blindly following a belief is something that doesn’t appeal to me.

The author also mentioned that in the first half of the book, he will address the seven biggest objections and doubts about Christianity that he has encountered over the years. I appreciate how he lays out his arguments, and I’m curious about how he will develop them throughout the book.

Another passage also struck me: 

When I reflected on that, I realized that many of my own life experiences have been centered on myself, my comfort, my goals, my adventures. I now feel the desire to integrate my faith into that life. I’ve been "floating" in terms of my beliefs for more than a decade, and only recently have I felt redirected. I now recognize that religion, and spirituality, is an important part of my life. It’s something I once thought I could live without. I believed that being a good person was enough. But I’ve come to realize that there are forces greater than me in this life, and that I cannot face everything alone. I need guidance. I need something greater than myself to help me navigate life. I’ve come to accept that I will always return to my belief, especially in times of suffering. Even before, when I considered myself agnostic, I would still find myself turning to God in my lowest moments. That alone tells me something important about God's role in my life.

So now, I’ve reached a point where I can say that I need religion/spirituality in my life (are those terms interchangeable? I'm also not sure 😅). I need this connection. That’s why I’m on this journey, to move past the same three barriers the author described: the intellectual, the personal, and the social.

This is only the introduction of the book, and already I find myself reflecting deeply. I’m looking forward to seeing how those author's ideas unfold, and what new insights I’ll gain as I continue reading.
For now, this is my reflection on the introduction. 

Thank you for reading, and I hope you’ll follow along with me as I continue learning from this book. 🤓📚

The past several months feel like a blur. I didn’t realize it at first, but when someone pointed it out to me, I knew it was true. I feel like I’ve just been cruising through life with very little emotion. I don’t quite know how to describe it, but it feels like recently, I haven’t been fully invested in my own life.

As sad as it sounds, that’s my current reality. If life were food, I’d describe it as bland. I’m doing things just to keep myself going, not because I’m passionate about anything. Passion and inspiration feel muted. Every day feels like I’m on autopilot, like I’m only half-awake. Somewhere deep down, my subconscious knows this and wants to snap me out of it. That’s why I came up with this "timeline loop" mindset, to help me to cope to feel more alive and present.

I started focusing on systems. I’ve always loved to-do lists and the feeling of accomplishing tasks, but lately, I struggle to follow through. I wake up the next day feeling guilty, and because my motivation is low, I don’t get things done. Then the guilt carries over to the next day. It becomes a vicious cycle, one that continues to snowball, making me feel numb about everything.

Interestingly enough, people close to me seem to be going through the same exact thing. What is happening in the world? (😣) Some of my friends and I even joked about blaming it on the Mercury retrograde for all the emotional turbulence. But knowing I’m not alone in this somehow makes it easier.

Attending Alpha sessions were helping me. They help clear my mind and lift the fog. However, the effect doesn’t always last. After a few days, the fog returns, and I feel like a zombie again. 🧟‍♀️

Right now, though, as I'm writing this, I’m in a moment of clarity. So I’m taking this time to reflect.

One thing I’ve realized is that I know what I should be doing. When I talk to people, they’re relieved to hear that I understand what needs to change. But my struggle is the execution. There’s a gap between knowing something intellectually, versus actually taking it to heart and acting on it. That's the gap where I am currently struggling with.

I’ve also noticed that I have become very emotional. My tear ducts respond to even the smallest triggers. But I see this as a good sign. It means I’m releasing. There are still emotions stored within me, but I’m learning to process them better. Things that used to spiral me for hours or days now only affect me for minutes. That’s progress. That’s growth. 💓

Lately, I’ve also been feeling more contemplative with life (am I going through an existential crisis? 😅). I’m trying to step back and ask myself: why am I alive? What is my life's purpose? Why am I here? I recognize that this life, this body and all, is just something borrowed. And anytime, it can be returned back to the Universe, to the higher being that created me. And because of that, I have the understanding that I don’t need to overthink or take some things in life too seriously. As morbid as it sounds, we will all die anyway, right? 😁 I’m in my late 30s now. If the average human lifespan is in the late 70s, that gives me around 40 more years. But time moves so fast. We think we have all the time in the world, but before we know it, it's already the end.  When I imagine myself on my deathbed, I don’t think I’ll care about the things I worry about today. What will matter are the love I gave, the love I received, and the memories I created.

That realization shifted my priorities.

I want to invest in experiences. I want to make time for the people who truly matter. I want to just go for it. Because at this stage in life, I’ve realized that the worst feeling I could have at the end is regret. And regret comes from not doing the things I wanted to do. That’s why I’ve been learning to release grudges. Not for others, but more for myself. I can’t control how people feel or act, but I can control my own energy. Letting go of negativity is how I take care of myself.

I truly believe that no love is ever wasted. Some experiences are painful, but looking back, I don’t have regrets. I did the best that  I could with what I knew at the time. And I don’t blame myself for that. I’m actually tearing up while writing this (HUHU) because I’ve realized, while writing this, that many of the limiting negative beliefs I’ve had all my life were just stories my mind created. They are not true! The mind can play tricks, and it's good to have the tools to differentiate what makes sense versus what's being made up.

Also, I have to say that I deeply treasure the people who have stayed: those who check in, who show up, who care. Painful moments of my life have revealed something beautiful: the helpers. The people who show up for others, even while going through their own struggles. One person, in particular, shared her story with me. Her love story was one that I’ve admired for years. From the outside, it looked perfect. But hearing about the challenges she faced to protect her family made me realize that no love story is perfect. What matters is how we respond to what’s within our control. Listening to those stories had humbled me. These are things people don’t usually share, yet they trusted me with them. And through them, I realized that life is hard, but it can make you stronger. Because looking at them, they've been through those rough life experience, but here they are: stronger and better versions of themselves.

And to bring back my passion with life, that same friend asked: what did you love doing as a kid? And that question stayed with me. Because I think somewhere along the way, I lost joy in the things I used to love: music, concerts, K-dramas, K-pop. Slowly, quietly, that joy faded.

So now, I’m trying to find my way back.

I started by listing the things that make me happy. Simple things like talking to friends, connecting with new people through Toastmasters, spending time with my pets, listening to podcasts, attending Alpha sessions. I’m reconnecting with old interests, like astronomy. I’m taking steps to be more active in the community I joined recently.  I’ve stopped waiting for people to join me before doing the things I want. Some of the best experiences come from doing things alone. I reminded myself: if fear is the only thing holding me back, then it’s probably something worth doing.

After all, I’ve done brave things before.

I’ve done hard things. Brave things. And somewhere along the way, I forgot that. But writing this now reminds me: I am capable. It really helps to be your own best friend: to cheer yourself on, to believe that everything will be okay. Because it will be.

This blog post feels like a love letter to myself. A reminder of who I am and what I’m capable of. 💓

I’ve been blogging for over ten years. I’ve stayed consistent in my own way. I’ve taken care of my health and gotten stronger. I’ve built habits: even small ones, like maintaining a Duolingo streak. I’ve grown in Toastmasters, found my voice, and stepped into leadership. These things matter. I should give myself credit for that.

I also believe that the Universe/God/a higher power has allowed these challenges to come to me because I am ready for them. Because I can handle them. And that, in itself, is enough. I believe in God’s perfect timing. Looking back, I can see how everything has unfolded the way it was meant to. And I trust that the future is unfolding too. So I don’t need to worry too much. I just need to focus on what I can control, cherish the people around me, and trust that everything will be okay. Because it will.

I will keep living. Keep loving. Keep showing up. This is a borrowed life, so I don’t need to take it too seriously. 

So go ahead, Kath.

I think I wasn't able to sleep that well last night. I was one of the last people to go to sleep, but still I was the first one to wake up in the morning. 😅 I really needed my coffee for the day.

We were able to get our complimentary breakfast from our hotel, which served a variety of choices. I’m glad there were vegetables, fruits, and coffee. Vietnamese coffee is not served with sugar, they use condensed milk instead, which I got to like.

Since there were five of us in the group, we split into two batches, three and two, because we couldn’t all go at once. There was also an option to have a drone video taken, which, of course, costs extra. My friend and I had an inside joke about not availing the turtle videos during our trip to Apo Island two years ago, and we always regretted that. So we told ourselves that moving forward, we would splurge more during our travels. Because of that, we didn’t hesitate to add the drone option for our Rainbow Slide experience.

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And honestly, it was worth every penny. It’s one of those experiences that will stay in our memories forever. We laugh every time we replay the video, and that shared joy is priceless. If there’s one lesson I can share, it’s this: when you travel, budget a little extra for experiences. You don’t have to hold back too much. YOU DESERVE IT! Go ahead and splurge a little, and don’t feel guilty about it.

After that adrenaline-filled start, we continued walking down Cat Cat Village. This was where we really got to see the beauty of the place and the cultural life of the indigenous community. Of course, we took our time taking photos.

There was also a beautiful waterfall below. Lots of people were in costume, which was available for rent. Our new friend actually rented a costume, and so we supported him in taking his photos. 😁 There were lots of things to see in the village, lots of photo-worthy spots. We took our time to look around, and of course to snap some more shots! 📸

There was also an area wherein local performers were holding a cultural show. We spent some time watching. At one point, we were playfully adding our own "subtitles" while people-watching. 

Our next adventure was the Alphine Coaster ride. Buying that bag turned out to be a good decision, because my friend got to borrow my Anello bag because apparently bulky bags were not permitted in the Alphine coaster.

After that, we headed to Moana Café as our next destination. Moana Café is also known for its scenic views and photo spots. But first, we had a quick coffee break!

 Thanks to my friend who brought a tripod, we braved the afternoon sun and took photos at different spots. I’m really thankful to have friends who support each other’s solo shots. We all had our own poses and little gimmicks. Even the other tourists in line were supportive of our mini photoshoot.

We were dropped off on the same spot -- Sa Pa Church. Since we haven't had a proper lunch yet, we went to a nearby restaurant (the one recommended by our travel guide) for some traditional Vietnamese food. 

Landing in Sapa, Vietnam felt like a fever dream. We arrived around 8AM and it was foggy and cold. On the way to our hotel, I immediately noticed how beautiful the landscape was. The buildings didn’t feel like I was in an Asian country at all. I felt like I was in Europe. A quick Google explained this: for a time, the French ruled Vietnam. So that explained why the buildings looked like that.

We had some very "energetic" neighbors at the next table, and it was our first glimpse of what conversations sounded like in Vietnam. I didn’t mind it actually, it sounded normal to me. But my friends had a lot of comments about it. 🤣

After eating, we went sightseeing and explored the gorgeous Sapa Square. Sapa Station was also within walking distance from our hotel. 

Since I was wearing glasses that adapt to UV rays, I noticed how dark they became, which meant the UV levels were high. It was only 10 AM, yet the weather was gloomy and cold. It felt like a dangerous setup for the skin, because before you realize it, you're already exposed to strong UV rays. Fortunately, I had sunscreen for my face, though I wasn’t able to apply any on my body. 

We spent most of the morning just walking around and sightseeing. One more thing that really stood out in Sapa was the flowers. I loved seeing them everywhere. Of course, my friends and I took every opportunity to take photos.

Strolling Around Sapa Lake

After dinner, we walked around again and came across a sidewalk vendor selling chestnut pancakes. It was so good, definitely one of my favorite snacks from Sapa. I actually tried to find it again later in the trip, but nothing compared to this one. It was freshly made, warm, slightly crisp on the outside, and just perfect.