Since my last log, the site has drawn in some unexpected guests. But I guess I should have seen this coming. They came here uninvited, so I guess I'll have to entertain their curiosity. Just like what they say: ask and you shall receive. Knock and you will be opened for.
Yup, quarantine life is starting to get to me. When the virus was just an arm's length away, I felt nothing. It seems like I don't care anymore. If things get fucked up, then so be it. I'm also in the process of coming into terms with some recent realizations that came to me. Some things I presented and offered felt unappreciated. I realized that I couldn't really help anymore those people who won't let me help them.
I guess this is also the effect of binge-watching Japan Sinks:2020.😅 I'm planning to add to my Netflix queue similar titles like Save Me and Dark. I don't know where my mental health would be after seeing these.😂 I guess I'm trying to desensitize myself from these negative emotions. I wonder if this would indeed help.
In another note, I'm deciding to follow my intuition. Since the very start, I knew something was wrong with this person.... I just couldn't pinpoint what. Until now I'm still trying to figure out. But there were a lot of moments when I felt something was off (there was actually a very crystal clear giveaway but I chose to ignore it). But now my "sixth sense" is just trying to pull me to step back. And now, I decided that that's what I will do. I have seen enough. Let's draw the boundaries with thicker lines once more.
In a more positive note (yes there's one at last haha), I found a connection, and I'm learning a lot from this new-found camaraderie. I'm trying to learn as much as I could because I knew in myself this is one thing that I wanted to try for as long as I could remember. Interestingly, I chose to be vulnerable and exposed my creations. It was torture, but I knew that was the only way to grow and be better.
Do you know what's worse than being alone? Today, I felt a glimpse of that emotion, but I'm still choosing to leave and cut off (temporarily) because I know I needed a break. Let's see what I would find in this whole new level of isolation.
Although currently there are lots of gray clouds in my head, I am trying to remind myself that the blue peaceful sky is still there - I just have to choose to see it. ☁