As the days of this dream sequence (a phrase I have fondly used to refer to this trip) are passing by, I was learning more and more about myself. This is the first time I have been alone for days in a different country, and I am experiencing lots of new things, and thus learning a lot also about myself. Maybe this is the reason why folks say that you should experience traveling solo at least once in your life.

One great advantage of traveling alone, as I see it now, is that you get to really experience the new environment because you are totally immersed. You are more open to interact with people and experience things. More importantly, all these are done at your own pace. It's a very wonderful feeling. This is different with traveling in a group because you have a boundary between the new environment and yourselves within that group. Thus, the interaction is somewhat almost limited within each other -- it's as if you remain as an audience of the new environment. For me, I think traveling alone is better, especially if your goal is total culture immersion, because you have minimal distractions and you are more open to talking to new people (both locals and fellow solo travelers) and establishing a connection with them.


Waking up too late
I planned to really utilize time during the trip. I have scheduled to leave the hotel everyday before 8AM. Well guess what, for this day I woke at 8AM 😅. I felt a bit stressed as I began preparing for the day. But then I stopped and thought more about what I was feeling at the moment. Why the rush? Why am feeling stressed? This is a vacation so I just need to chill, relax, and take things slowly. I wasn't catching up any appointment this morning with anyone anyway. With that train of thought, my feeling lightened and I got on a cheerier mode.

There was a light shower when I finally got outside. I had my cap on, but after a few seconds I realized that that won't do -- I needed an umbrella LOL. And so I went to Lawson and bought one of those cute transparent umbrellas. 🌂👍

At the Meiji Shrine
After a few detours (you really can't rely 100% on Google Maps 😂), I finally arrived at the entrance of this famous tourist spot -- The Meiji Shrine.

I know that this place is really famous among tourists, but I was relieved to see that not much tourists were there that day. Maybe it just looked like that because the place is huge? Or did the light rain discourage most people onto pushing their itinerary to this place? Whatever reason it was, I would be forever thankful, because the environment inside the shrine was just perfect for me to do some soul-cleansing and reflecting.

Before the first tori gate, there was this guy who was creating music via tapping some pans. I liked the melody that he was creating. It was my first time to see something like that. I created a mental note to pass him some coins on my way back.

The Meiji shrine is dedicated for the deified spirits of Emperor Meiji and Empress Shoken, his wife. Compared to the other shrines that I have visited in Tokyo, this is the biggest one. It would take you at least 10 minutes to walk from the entrance near Harajuku station to the main praying hall.

There's something with trees that really calms me. This is one aspect that I really liked when we did hikes in the mountains back then.

I knew I had limited time to explore the shrine because I had to be in another part of Shibuya at 3PM for my tattoo session. I calculated that I could stay here for 2 hours. I have to be on my way back to the train station by 12:30PM. Still I reminded myself to just relax and enjoy each step of my journey inside the shrine.

The Meiji Gardens
Before going to the main hall, I did a detour and turned left onto this pathway that leads to the other areas of the shrine. Based on the signage around the place, these gardens were frequented by the Emperor and Empress when they were still alive.

The place is so quiet and peaceful -- I can't believe that I was still actually within a busy city. The light drizzling has stopped even before I entered the shrine. It was still cloudy though, but it just made the place dreamier and more magical because of the cool dew in the air.

While walking around, I did some more self-reflection. Lots of thought-pondering queries popped into my mind, and I had conversations with myself. This is one of those rare moments where I heard myself think. I also had this thought that maybe those questions that were coming to me were from the spirits of the forest -- questioning my heart's intention in visiting the shrine. Whatever it was, what I knew was that I felt totally at peace during those moments. I paused and smelled the flowers.

I was mostly alone following the garden paths. I would occasionally meet fellow tourists along the way, and we would just proceed quietly on our own paths. I saw one elderly Japanese man taking photos of birds. He was standing so still while trying to take a shot of this bird on the ground. When I realized what he was doing, I slowly walked into a stop so as to not make noise that could startle the bird and make it fly away. When he was finished, I continued to walk passed him and mumbled a very quiet 'Sumimasen', then the man looked at me and we smiled at each other. I would have wanted to do some small talk with him (what birds are you taking photos of?) but meh my Japanese sucked, so I just went on walking.
The Prayer Hall
Again, I had this 'pay respect firsts, then be a tourist second' mindset for this shrine visit. After passing the tori gate, I proceeded to the main hall. This shrine obviously caters foreign visitors because there were lots of multilingual signs and pamphlets all around. I was finally able to learn through one pamphlet the correct way of praying in a shrine -- cleansing your hands and mouth at a Chozuya should come first before going to the main hall! Apparently I was doing the steps in the wrong order, but fortunately I am now correctly informed. 😆

Amulets For Sale
Their amulet office really got my attention. So there were different kinds of amulets being sold here, each with a specific purpose -- there's one for divine protection, for studies, good fortune, safe childbirth delivery, matrimonial happiness, finding a good partner, and well-being of the family (which was the most expensive I think). There were two kinds of love amulets available there -- the first one comes in pairs, so I guessed this is for couples who wanted their relationship to get better and stronger. The other one is a white amulet specifically if you want to find a good partner. Of course I knew which one was appropriate for me. 😘

There was also one other amulet that caught my eye -- the one for safe child delivery. I wanted to get it for a dear friend who I knew needed it. And so I bought those two amulets. I was a bit self-conscious because the combination of these two amulets is a bit unusual. People might get the wrong ideas. 😅

I then went to this section wherein you can write your prayers on paper and slip it into a wooden box. It was written there that the papers will be included in the next shrine ceremony. I wrote my heart's deepest desires, a lengthy one, on one of those papers. Then I went back to the amulet office to buy one votive tablet and wrote again my prayers to offer to the shrine.

Votive tablets -- where visitors of the shrine write their prayers for the shrine. One of these is mine. :)

After writing another lengthy message on my votive tablet, I hanged it alongside the other tablets from the other visitors of the shrine. Satisfied with my offering, I then walked and looked around to read what's written on the other tablets. It's amusing to see what people were praying for, and it's humbling to realize that we're all somehow aiming for just the same things in this life. Some were serious messages of their deepest desires in life, while the others were one short sentence only ("Hope the children don't get dogged").

There's just one set of tablets that moved me. Although one of them was written in Filipino, it was obvious that the other tablets were connected with it. The one written in Filipino had the words in huge block letters: To Kuya [insert name]. The author of that tablet was praying for his brother's safe journey in the afterlife. Meanwhile on the nearby tablet, written were the words (and I am rephrasing because I can't remember it in verbatim) "May this trip help our family heal as we process this loss."

Upon reading these messages, I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I teared up. I couldn't read the other tablets anymore. I can't imagine the pain that this family is going through at that point. Healing process can be different for each person. I just hope these people come through with this challenge in their life journey.

Towards the Tori Gates
I felt it's time to wrap up and continue my own journey. I left the main hall with a heart full of gratitude. As I walked to one of the tori gates, this is where I saw what some people were doing passing through -- they were bowing back towards the shrine. And so I followed that for each of the tori gates I went through towards the exit.

I turned to another path as I searched for the exit (I just followed where Google Maps pointed me to). There were only a handful of us walking on that path (I am 90% sure we were all using the same app for directions 😂). If I continued through this path until the exit, I would be skipping the last tori gate. And so when I came to the path where most of the people were, I walked back to get to the last supposed tori gate. When I reached it, I walked at the side then turned around and entered the path within the tori gate (uh were you able to picture out my actions? 😅). I've learned somewhere (for sure it's from an anime) that a tori gate is a marker that divides the outside world from the sacred grounds of the shrine. Since I passed three tori gates, I should pass back the same tori gates towards the exit. I actually saw an elderly man bow also at the tori gates after me. I was happy because even though I am a tourist, I was able to show him that I respect their sacred places like they do.

I am very glad that I was able to schedule my visit to the Meiji shrine before doing this life-changing activity later on that day. It really helped me to prepare my soul for it. As I passed the guy with the pans music, I grabbed a handful of coins from my purse (at this point I had so many!) and tossed it to one of his pans. He bowed a little and said 'arigatou gozaimasou!'. I smiled in return and sighed happily as I walked back to the train station.

I knew I left a part of me in the Meiji shrine.

This happened in my return to Sumida Park.


As we started to walk away from the park, lots of things were going through my mind:

And this is how you'll going to die, Kathleen! Why are you going with this person? You don't know her!

Hey it's Japan, it's safe here. I'll just listen to some stuff they wanted to teach then I'll go back to the park.

But where are we going? There are only a few people here on the street!

My mind was on high alert at this point. I whipped my phone and opened up Google Translate (btw the conversation feature is a lifesaver!), and said something like "we'll return to the park after this, right?" Of which she said "I will guide you back to the park."

When we reached the temple (it was a modern building, with lots of signs and photos at the entrance), I noticed a group of two foreigners being guided inside also. At this point I was able to breathe more easily. Looks like they just really like to invite tourists in here. There were elderly grandmas there who greeted us and asked where I was from. They were friendly. But of course I didn't still lower my guard totally. I was bracing myself for all the pep talk that they would all tell me so that I'll join their temple.

And that's what actually happened. They made me watch a 10-minute video about the history of the temple and the principles of their teachings (I was blinking extra fast because I thought this video might be subconsciously hypnotizing me 😅. I am really a worst-case thinker, another self-realization from this trip lol). I was also paying attention to my belongings.

After watching the video, a guy introduced himself to me (he's around my age also I think, and he's cute hehe) and he further explained the things on the video. He spoke great English. It got to the point that he was having difficulty expressing his ideas in English (these are heavy topics to discuss by the way: your belief, how you see life, etc.) so he asked another member of the temple to talk to me. Another man, around his forties, introduced himself (jokingly as Ajinomoto, because it would be easier to remember according to him). At that point, I felt he's one of authority in their organization. He spoke fluent English as well. With all the pep talk that they were telling me, the end goal was for me to convert to the Buddhist religion, and if I was ready, they told me there's a priest there who could bless me right there and there. As politely as I could, I told them that religion is a very personal topic and that changing one's religion is a very huge decision. I want them to respect this, although I am of course grateful that they told me all these things because I learned something new about their belief and about their culture. They insisted one more time, I reiterated myself.

They told me that they were glad that I was able to respond kindly to them. He could tell through my expressions that I am honest and sincere with what I was saying, and that I have a shy but a kind soul (eheheheh domo arigatou gozaimasou, but that's just a facade... XD). He said that it was not coincidence that I was here at their temple. Emiko-san have seen something in me that's why she approached me (😅). He gave me the details of their temple's address in the Philippines (hey they have one in QC!) and happily said their closing remarks.

Emiko-san wanted to keep in touch so we got our details on LINE. The guys from the temple took photos of us, of which Emiko-san sent me via LINE.

Emiko-san and (a very round omg!) me.

Emiko-san then walked me back to the park. Along the way we talked a bit (all through Google Translate). I told her I have a friend who practices Buddhism so I am somewhat familiar with the basic principles, and that the people back at the temple are kind. When we reached the park, she happily waved and said "Ja ne!" then she walked back the road where we came from. I wonder if she would search for another tourist to invite, of that I would never know anymore.

That was really a very unusual experience. Although it was a bit scary at first (things could have spun differently if they were bad people, and I am this unsuspecting solo traveler), I truly appreciated the interactions that I was able to have with them. It was an unexpected meeting, but that doesn't mean that it was something not worthwhile of my time. Just like that Buddhist message that I got to read on Facebook, instead of "Why me?", ask "What can I learn from this?"

My encounter with them sure taught me invaluable lessons. As I did some introspection of my own beliefs for the days that came after, I concluded that my belief on a higher being that controls this Universe supersedes the boundaries of religions. (I am not sure if there is a right term for this kind of belief). I recognize that each person has their own faith, and other people just need to respect that. Every religion encourages their members to spread the message and inform others about their faith and to ask them to join them. I believe that's actually the challenge given by the Higher Entity, like how would you respond to people with different beliefs as yours? Will you respect them, or become this person that ostracizes others because they do not belong to your church?

I think that's the biggest mindfake of religion. How would humans play with this mindgame?

I have a religion on paper, but I don't practice all the principles. If you strip all the complicated rules down, it all boils down to aspiring for the good will of others. Do unto others what you want others to do unto you. I believe in karma. If you do good, good will return to you. If you do bad, then something bad will be returned to you. As a person of logic, I guess I'll stumble upon these arguments and scenarios -- what if I did all good, but still experienced something bad, or if something bad happened to me, does that make me a bad person? And this is where my brain melts...

Religion is such a complicated thing. With the belief I have now, I know that I won't have all the answers to all the questions that I myself, or others, will encounter. All I know is that I strive to be a good person -- to myself and to others.

Although we had different beliefs, my impression with Emiko-san, and the other people I met in the temple, is that they are good people, and that they just want more people to know about their religion. They are sincere with their motive.

A few weeks after my trip to Japan, Emiko-san still messages me. Thanks to Google Translate, I am able to respond. 😂 Her last message was a photo of their main temple, which was at the foot of Mt. Fuji.

Such a beautiful scenery!

I now have the pamphlet posted on my room, together with the other paraphernalia of my trip in Tokyo, because indeed it was one memorable moment that I have experienced in the city.

The stretch of the Sumida Park that I already walked through is apparently just a glimpse of the whole park itself. On the other side is another stretch of cherry blossoms parallel to the Sumida river. I noticed that the boat that cruises along the river is more visible here compared to the other side, and that more people are sitting at the banks here. I guess if you want to do hanami (complete with mats and all) the best spot is to go to the other side of the Sumida park, the one nearer the Asakusa area. If you want a great view of the river, then go to the side of Sumida park nearer to the Sky Tree.

Another self-discovery that I realized during this trip is that I work best if there is a goal in mind. I found it a bit uncomfortable just walking aimlessly around. Although I enjoyed the sceneries that I saw as I walked, it still felt a bit off moving without a destination in mind. And so as soon as I realized this during my walk along the park, I got my phone, opened Google Maps, and searched for the nearest shrine in the area. I was starting to really get fascinated with visiting shrines as my sign of respect and gratitude for being in this wonderful city of Tokyo. I found the Ushijima Shrine just a few blocks from the park. Setting it as the destination on the map, I began my walk towards this new destination.

The Pond (With Turtles!)
En route to the shrine, I saw this pond within the park. At first I thought the animals on the water were just statues, but no they were actually moving! I was at awe because I also saw turtles! Good thing my camera has super zoom -- I was able to see them better through the camera lens.

While looking at these wonderful animals, I was also able to do small talk with a foreigner who was also taking pictures of the pond. Apparently we both have the same brand of camera - hers was a Lumix too but a different model. We briefly talked about how awesome of a camera brand Lumix is because of the zoom capabilities. After a few minutes of chitchat, I said goodbye to her and we continued our exploration towards the opposite directions.

It felt so nice to just do random friendly talk with strangers. With that line of thought, another take away that I had from this trip is that if I wanted to do small talk with someone, I should be the one initiating the conversation. This is maybe because of people's prejudice towards each other. So yeah, if I wanted to talk to someone, I'll have to speak first.

At The Ushijima Shrine
The shrine was just a short walk from the pond. I immediately noticed that this is not really a tourist-y shrine as the place was not crowded, except for locals. Based on the descriptions around the place, this shrine is dedicated for an ox. According to legend, this ox attacked this place. When it was captured, it left something (I can't remember this anymore... I think it was an item, like a scarf), and this is what the people worship now.

I observed what the other people were doing at the haiden (hall of worship). People were lining up for their turn to pray. And so I joined the line. When it was my turn, I threw coins, bowed, clapped, and bowed again. At this point I was still really feeling awkward doing all these. I am 100% sure I looked stupid, but then again, meh. It's funny because everytime I did this for every temple I visited the trip, this was always how it went:

• While lined up to the haiden, I would fill my head with thoughts of things I wanted to pray for.
• When it's finally my turn, I would feel so self-conscious that my head goes totally blank. I just clumsily bow, clap, then bow again.
• Immediately after that, as I walk away, I would feel a bit ashamed of myself because I knew I didn't do that ritual well.
• Then I would just spend the next few minutes looking around the shrine, and this is the point where I would refocus my thoughts to remember the things that I want to pray for in that shrine.
• My most favorite part is when I'm about to leave the shrine. When I pass through each of the tori gate towards the shrine exit, I turn around and bow (for several seconds) towards the shrine direction. During these moments, I felt peace, like the deities are truly blessing me at that moment (this last step I only learned upon visiting the Meiji shrine).

After the visit to the shrine, this is where the unexpected encounter happened. I had to do a separate post because I had a lot of things to say about that experience.

Reading Along The River
After that "encounter", I returned to my original path of going back to the stairs by the river that I saw earlier where some people (mostly couples) were seated. They had food with them, and they were munching while talking and looking at the river. It's such a nice relaxing scenery. I didn't know where they bought those grilled food on stick that they had (those did smell good!) so I only resorted to buying a bottle of green tea from a nearby vending machine. As I found my spot on the stairs, I sat, plugged in my phone to get the Reading Chill Out playlist on Spotify, and opened my A Hundred Years of Solitude book. Yup, I bought this book for this trip because I wanted to do some cafe hopping (and maybe do some people watching too). It was also part of my quarterly goals to finish this book. I ended up choosing this book to read because I came upon a review that said that this is a book that should be read by all people of all generations, next to the Bible. Because of that statement, I got curious and purchased the book.

And so going back to the stairs by the river. I tried to read one chapter of the book while listening to music on Spotify. Honestly I was absorbing only half of what I was reading because I found it difficult to follow the storyline of the book. Well I persevered, and was able to finish one chapter of the book on that sitting.

Dinner at Ichiran
I was walking almost the entirety of this day and I just realized that I haven't had a really "proper meal" for the day (apart from that avocado toast), so no wonder I felt hungry all of a sudden. I had no place planned to dine next so thankfully I have Yelp on my phone. I checked for nearby restaurants and saw Ichiran on the list. I haven't had ramen yet since landing on Tokyo, so I chose that, and I was very excited to do so! As usual, I had Google Maps as my guide. When I reached the pinned location, I got a bit confused because I didn't see the restaurant. I had to google image what the Ichiran logo looked like. Apparently I already passed by it. If you are not familiar, you would really miss the sign. Once I spotted the logo, I saw that the entrance to the restaurant was just a narrow passage to a descending staircase. Upon going down, I saw the logo again on a sliding door. Yay, I finally arrived! (I just realized upon writing this part, I might have actually cut into a line and just went straight to the door of Ichiran. I vaguely remember there were people outside shouting and all. They might be staff of the restaurant. I'm not sure if they were there to instruct people on when they could enter the restaurant. I remember there were some crowd in front of the restaurant, but I'm not sure if they were in line for the restaurant or they were from the pedestrian lane nearby. I hope I didn't cut any line, cause I'll feel bad for the people who were in line before me. Maybe the staff didn't bother stopping me because of the language barrier. Ahhh I know this has happened weeks ago, but because of some reason I'm feeling bothered.)

Apparently, this restaurant is pretty popular in Japan, and it was obvious that lots of people dine on this place. The store has a very organized way of taking their customers' orders and in delivering them.

Upon arriving, I was asked by the staff to wait before this red line (she was saying the instructions all in Japanese -- but I was able to understand it via body language). Then I was guided to this vending machine where apparently I will input my order.

I chose ramen (it said it's required) with tamago and green tea as add-ons. I inserted my payment. Small strips of paper got out at the bottom tray. I took them and went to this other line again. Another staff was there and she was asking how many people are in each group. When it was my turn, I told her for one only, and so she guided me to this room with only high tables, but with dividers. I placed my things below my chair and took my seat.

A staff was standing at my window (I could only see his torso LOL). I handed him the strips of paper that I got. I received first the tamago and the bottled tea. Then finally, my ramen arrived. The staff was saying something in Japanese (I think it meant "enjoy your meal", something like that), bowed, and untangled this bamboo thing to close my window. Now I have privacy within my own little cubicle! This is just one awesome thing about Japan, you'll never get awkward eating alone! 😁

The first few slurps of the noodles and soup was heaven. I don't know if it was because it did taste good, or because I was just hungry. Nevertheless, I was able to finish all of it. The bowl was squeaky clean. It's the first time I was able to finish a ramen down to the soup in a restaurant.😋

More Sky Tree + Cherry Blossom Night Viewing
When I went back to the park, the sun has already set. And oh my, the Sky Tree is now all lit up! 😍 I enjoyed this scenery while chatting online with people back home. I was video chatting with my parents on Messenger earlier today, and now I sent them photos of the Sky Tree. I think I spent a good 30 minutes on that spot by the river chatting on my phone.

When I felt like it was becoming colder, I grabbed my thicker outer vest and walked to Tully's Coffee which was just alongside the river. I was glad to see that the line was not long (unlike during lunch time). I ordered iced Sakura Matcha drink because I saw that this drink was exclusive only to this branch.

Since it's matcha flavored, it's yummy! I was expecting something different because of the sakura flavor, but it just gave the matcha a sweet twist.

I wrote on my iPad + bluetooth keyboard setup here. My fingers were slowly feeling numb because it was starting to get colder as the night continues to set in. I thought of ending this day with roaming one more time along the park to get some night time photos of the sakura trees. I would then return to my hostel to rest.
Upon writing, I reflected on how my travel was progressing. I can't believe how at home I felt in this country. Although I know solo travelling will not be as smooth sailing as here in Tokyo compared to other countries, at least for my second day, I could honestly say that I have learned a lot about myself during this trip. It was around 7PM and I was in this unfamiliar place in this unfamiliar country, and yet I didn't feel any worry going back to my hostel, in case, late in the night. I felt at peace. I think I'm in love with solo travelling!

Since I still had to stop by the konbini store, I decided to packed up my stuff after an hour or so of staying at the coffee shop, and went back outside to the park. I was slightly disappointed because there was no event whatsoever in the park, given that per their schedule, it's the last day of the Cherry Blossoms festival. There were actually a few groups on their mats in the park, and some people passing by. Thinking about it now, if I really wanted to do some biking, I could have still done that at Sumida park but during the night time, because there were fewer people walking.

The lanterns that I saw during the day were now lit up, giving a golden glow alongside the lines of trees. The trees were "lighted", so I guess this is the setup for the night viewing experience. It is indeed a different view and feel looking at the cherry blossoms at night. And just look at the Sky Tree, so so beautiful at night!

I began my walk back towards the subway, and I took photos of sceneries along the way. I actually passed by a group of people, doing hanami, who was now rowdier compared to the all the groups I saw today. I think they were getting drunk already. Everyone was clapping and singing while one of them was dancing. Such a festive feeling!

Last Day for my Bare Wrist
Before settling into bed that night, I had some "reflecting time" done while looking at my right wrist. This is the last day that I will have a bare wrist because well tomorrow I'll be getting tattooed. Having a tattoo is a decision that has an effect that will last for a lifetime. This is something that I have thought of for years. I was sure that this is something that I wanted. I can't help but feel a bit worried because of the possible scenarios that could happen tomorrow -- what if I actually didn't like how the design looked upon etching it on my skin? I was not at all concerned with how painful the process would be -- it was more on my feelings towards the design, if this is something that I would regret for the rest of my life.

I prayed that night to the Universe to make my soul ready for this process. No one knew that I was getting a tattoo during my trip, except for one person. My parents had no idea. 😅

This is the last night that tattoo-less me would last. Tomorrow will be a new stage of my life, a new beginning. If I would refer to my life timeline, it would just be pre-sakura and post-sakura era. 🌸♪

During my Tokyo trip, I purchased a Clow Card set based on the anime Cardcaptor Sakura. I was obsessed with this anime when I was in elementary. The anime series had a comeback last year, and I am glad to say that I am still into it. :)


So, I want to share with you the reading I got on a particular question I had in mind today. This is the second time I used the Clow Cards to do some reading for my circumstance. By the way, I used this website as reference on the method in using the Clow Cards for reading.

I am sure this one person who would read this post would know what I asked from the cards. Here's what the deck of cards gave to me, with my own interpretation for each.

Problem: The Storm
There's still awkwardness between us, and I guess at this stage it's unevitable.

The Cause: The Dark
We know nothing about each other.

Past Problem(s): The Maze
We didn't really had the chance to interact with each other, work or non-work related.

Surrounding Circumstances: The Time
We've known each other (by face and name) for years.

Solution: The Change
Well, something has to change - a change of heart, specifically.

Solution's Keyword: The Thunder
We should feel "a spark."

Obstacle: The Libra
Someone I know in real life had asked me of the possibility. I told him that honestly, I would not be comfortable because I don't see him as my equal, and someone that would complement my personality.

Future: The Snow
We'll remain cold-hearted (or have cold shoulders for each other) as before.

Outcome: The Shot
Someone will get hurt.

How Others See the Problem: The Dash
We are just being forced for each other.

This reading really entertained me. 😄 I still stand on what I said though. I was just being nice because of a friendship that I currently really treasure. Now that the motive has been exposed, little by little, I will let go. There are still parts of me that need major repairing. Some of my inner demons are still with me (although I have already killed most of them). So until I have confronted all of them, I won't be ready for anything.

But yeah, baby steps. One step at a time. I will get there eventually.