Kath's Journey | Going one step at a time: personal

Self-Reflections

September 11, 2025

I feel kind of alone and lonely today (not the best combo, I know). I thought I was having a normal day, but suddenly, a huge wave came rushing in, and things just felt too overwhelming. I actually wanted to file a sick leave from work today (EDIT: I did the next day 😅), but I felt like the timing wouldn't be right. I just feel so drained already. To add up, my electrolytes are not in their normal level for days now (due to stomach trouble 🤣) so this one just piled up to the physical strain that I am currently feeling.

I thought I was already okay. I thought I was making progress. I was even ready to open up and make new connections. But nah, I realized I still wasn't ready. I felt guarded and afraid. I felt so distrusting, which is something that is unfair of me to do to others. I know this, but I just couldn't help it. I would always look back. I would tend to compare. I would then say, that nah it's not the same as the instant connection I had before.😔

My glimmers are turning into triggers. It's kind of pathetic, how I'm trying to hold onto the sand that is slowly flowing out of my hands. The tighter I try to hold them together, the more they flow away.

I'm afraid that I would go back into my shell again. Going out is giving me anxiety attacks again. I feel like the outside world is such a dangerous place to be. To add to that, going to the office felt more torturous because of the recent things that were happening. It's not really helping that these distressing events are happening one right after the other.

At home, it feels isolating. I love my parents very much, but I have to accept that they are living in a different headspace as mine. Most of the time, they have their own bubble. I feel like they're really in their "empty nesting" era, except that there's still one left... someone overstayed. 😅 Maybe this is why I feel like I don't belong anywhere. 😅

I guess as a coping mechanism, I am filling my schedule with activities (yes even my precious weekends) so that I have something to look forward to. I know what I need to do, but when emotions take over, logic just gets thrown out of the window. Overthinking will lead me to nowhere, self. Please remember that. 🙏

I was supposed to write about something else here on the blog, but I decided to write about this, because this is what I'm currently feeling. I want to dump this all down here and just take them out of my system. All I can say is, I feel so tired already. I'm so tired of crying my eyes out. I just want to turn off these emotions. I want to take a long sleep. I don't want to feel anything anymore, for once. I don't know when this will end (or will it?) but I pray that I can get through this day after day. I have to make myself my own priority. I have God; God will always be my first hotline, and then I have myself. I have to be there for myself. I have to show up for myself. I have to push through for myself.

Trust the process. I will get there. ✨

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Creating New Memories

September 07, 2025

Oh yes, this is another post about the breakup.😅I know it feels dragging already, but here I am still writing about it (and I still do have some more posts in the backlog). I feel like I'm going to talk about this over and over until I get tired, until I reach the point where I won't feel anything anymore. I won't feel the pain anymore. I compare this process with emptying a toothpaste tube. I'm squeezing all the pain out of my system until everything just becomes a neutral memory. I even have this process, when emptying an actual toothpaste tube, wherein if I couldn't squeeze out anything from the tube anymore, I cut it in half crosswise and scoop out every bit of toothpaste inside. This is the metaphor that I want to use in this healing process that I am going through.

Compared to a few weeks back, I would say that things have gotten better, and it's true that things do get better. There is still hope, and there is still the next morning; there is still a new beginning for every ending that happens.

This weekend, I returned for the first time to the place where the disentanglement happened. I was a bit worried about this because I didn't know how I would physically react. Seeing the building from afar, as my Grab car approached (I still have not driven alone since it happened because I still don't trust myself to be emotionally stable behind the wheel ahahaha), I felt a knot in my chest.

I believe humans imprint energies in a place, may it be good or bad. This is why there is a physical reaction when returning to that same place.

The significance of these spots is something that only the two of us will understand.

As I went past these spots, I can't help but still feel a weight of sadness. I tried to imagine us during those moments. I just had that longing to hug my past self, the version of me who was crying and breaking down, as she tried to process the things that were unfolding that night. I want to hug her and assure her that everything will be alright. 🫂

I got to visit more spots the next day, and as expected, there's still that twinge of pain in my chest. Memories of hushed and intimate conversations came back to me.

I will always pass through these places when I go home from work, and I pray that when I return again to these places, I would just feel neutral. It would just all feel like a dream that happened a long time ago.

If given a chance, I would like to return to all the places that I had some memories within and create new memories at those places. We've visited a lot of beautiful places around the metro, so I guess this is going to be a long journey.

I never thought that I would process things this way. I guess this is my coping mechanism at work. I will write about this over and over again. I will just write until there's no pain anymore. That's when I will know that I am finally healed and have moved on.

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Raging Storm

September 06, 2025

I woke up today feeling some heaviness in my chest and a different level of sadness. It feels like I was back on day one, but actually this is much worse because for this one, it didn't involve just me... it involved people that I trusted with my life, and people that I wanted to protect, but couldn't. 😔

It really felt like a living nightmare, all my worst fears coming into a reality. The first news involved someone I really cared about, someone that I wanted to protect the most. It hurts because she never deserved this. She's one of the most hardworking people I have met. As I was processing things, the same question haunted me over and over. "Why her?". I was just at a loss for words.

I'm so humbled that she trusted to share the news with me, and together with another friend, we cried our eyes out over a phone call. It's an added bitter reality that we were not together physically, especially during this time. I wanted to comfort both of them by giving them huge bear hugs. But the least I could do was listen and support them emotionally.

I thought the rain was starting to calm down, but no. It's transforming into a storm. The second news hit me like a brick. I am losing another person who has become a huge part of who I am today. My life mentor. My coach. My friend. She knew secrets that no other soul in this world knew. And I couldn't believe it. All those years of hard work, thrown away in just one call. 😔

Even though I already knew what was coming, it still felt painful seeing them unfold before my eyes. Yes I know, there's a connotation about calling these people as "family" but believe it or not, it really felt like they are family members. Some of them I've been with for more than a decade. We've seen each other reach life milestones. We've been through the ups and downs of life. It's cliche, but it's true. Most of them know me better in a way that my parents will never do.

Hearing the message from authoritative figures that the "purging" is over for our group, I burst into tears out of relief. All the stress and worry for weeks, I released at that moment. I owe this one to you, Lord. From that moment on, I knew I needed to do things differently. I will work hard not for anyone, but for myself.

During these times, I realized that I was surrounded by the right people. I mean, these are dark times but I could just feel the warmness and brightness of their souls. They were even worried about us being left behind, to think that they should worry about themselves first. 😢If this is God's Will, then so be it. I have faith that this is a redirection for them for something better. God has greater plans for them.

~o~

The stormy rain poured hard, especially today. Love, career, and friendship. These areas of my life are currently restless. I'm grateful that the family part is at peace. Both my parents have been my source of comfort. I would hug my mom whenever I could, and then I would chitchat with them at the dining table even if I wasn't eating. During these times I realized that my mom is the denser one in terms of showing empathy and emotions. And surprisingly, it was my dad who was more understanding of my situation overall. This is an interesting discovery that I unfolded recently.

It feels so tiring. I have been crying and breaking down for the past weeks for different reasons. I'm worried that this prolonged stress will take its toll on me physically, that's why I'm watching out and monitoring myself, making sure I am processing all of these in a healthy way. I'm now holding onto tools that would make things easier for me. May it be in the form of cats, virtual hugs, meditation, crystals, and prayers (of course!). And of course there's this blog. I realized this was the tool that kept me sane during the pandemic. I would use this also this time around. I would hold onto anything that will give me hope and peace of mind.

In all the evilness happening in the world, I pray that the kindness, the innocence, and the unconditional love that are innately in me are protected. There are a lot of things happening outside of our control. But if it's within my control to reach out, to say sorry, to forgive, I'm learning that I should. Pride will not do anything (believe me, I learned it the hard way for 6 years). And so I let go of my ego and reached out to two people who are important in my life and apologized to them.

I pray for protection and peace of mind. I am surrendering this all to you, God. This is all up to You now. I am praying this also for my friends, and for my loved ones that I have lost, because I still love them. There will always be a space for them in my heart, regardless of everything that has happened.

Thank you for all the glimmers of hope that I have in the form of my friends who have comforted me. I realized that really, If you have suffered pain, you truly know how to comfort those who are also in pain. So, thank you for those kinds of people. Even when we are apart, we can still talk and connect like this.

Again, one step at a time, self. It feels like this has become a raging storm, but this too shall pass. If the past several weeks felt like a dark night, now it feels like, despite it being daytime, it is so rainy and stormy. I am looking forward seeing the rainbow after all of these have settled down.

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Music Triggers

September 04, 2025

(📷: this was from him, during the summer he want back to his hometown)

I love music. Music is that one constant companion of mine throughout my life. It is the one that has consistently been my pal and my source of happiness. It's one of the reasons why I have music notes on my tattoo. Also, I have huge respect for musicians that's why whenever I can, I would attend concerts of artists that I really got to love, as tribute to their lovely pieces of art that had a great impact in my life.

Music has its unique way of touching my soul. There are songs that will instantly take me back to a place where I felt happy and innocent. There are songs that will immediately bring back memories, may it be good or bad. There are songs that will, no fail, raise my vibrations and make me in a happier mood for the rest of the day.

It is for these same reasons that I was avoiding listening to music recently. I recognize that I am at my most vulnerable self, emotionally at least, that's why I was afraid to listen to music because it might touch and seep through my soul in a way that I'm still not comfortable and ready. Well, tonight, I experienced what I was mostly afraid of experiencing --- feeling a relapse due to a random love song heard.

I was just organizing my stuff at home because I just got back from a trip. I played my Discover Weekly playlist on Spotify as background music while I was arranging my things. However, I was suddenly stopped in my tracks when I heard this song playing.

I listened to the music and read the lyrics, and I felt my heart crushed into pieces. Here are the lyrics of the song:

Another Universe

Fall in Luv

I saw you in a dream I didn′t wanna leave

We were dancing down a quiet moonlit street

Your hand in mine, like the world stayed still

Like fate had bent to match our will

In that place, we stayed side by side

Hearts unshaken, with nothing to hide

In another universe, we never broke

Riding through the dusk wrapped in your coat

Your laugh filled the air like a secret verse

We made it last in another universe

Still calling you mine

In a life we didn't rewind

You wore that shirt from the day we met

Faded blue, but you never once forget

And in that space, we kissed like time stood back

Like gravity forgot to act

In that frame, our stars never dimmed

Love was quiet but never thinned

In another universe, we stayed warm

Wrote our names in the glass before the storm

Your eyes told the truth I always rehearsed

We held it close in another universe

Still finding you near

In a world untouched by fear

If threads of time can ever bend

Maybe we′ll find our way again

And I'll reach for you without regret

In a world where we never forget

In another universe, you're still here

Filling all the silence I used to fear

Hands intertwined like a sacred verse

We had forever in another universe

If the many-worlds interpretation is true, there indeed exists a timeline wherein we didn't part ways. I can see myself so clearly in that timeline and the life that we would have lived together. 😔

The pain is still there, because the love is still there. I believe this is going to be this way for life. The feelings come in waves. Some hit stronger than others, like this moment. And it's okay if I break down and cry. It's okay, because it just meant that I truly cared for that person.

“’Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.”

-Alfred Lord Tennyson’s In Memoriam A.H.H. (1849)

~o~

I can just hear him say that naaah that's an AI-generated song 😅

Well regardless if it is or not, it still touched my heart. And that's the more important thing for me.

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Day 3: Focusing on the Positive

August 25, 2025

The pain doesn't get easier. I thought I was making progress yesterday, but the pain is still at the same level. I'm caught in my thoughts now, questioning things. I still miss him, but I don't have the courage to message him, and I knew I shouldn't.

I have started making notes (yes I have notes aside from the lengthy voice notes 😂) on the things that I wanted to "report" in the future. I'm actually worried now about that scenario, because I don't know if I would be able to handle it. I'm not sure how I will react if I get to see him again. This caused some feeling of anxiety again, but I refocused my energy to just focus on the now. One step at a time, self. Remember that.

I am slowly doing the process of stepping back and seeing the relationship for what it was. I was able to note things that I have observed that I was not fully aware of because I was in the middle of it. Now that I'm looking at our relationship from a different perspective, I am now understanding the point that he was raising during our talk three days ago. Now I'm really understanding where he was coming from.

There really are positives and negatives with this experience. But, I really want to highlight the positive things that are coming out of this journey.

I am forming a deeper relationship with my friends. I got to express to them my rawest raw of emotions, and they also returned them back with very heartfelt messages of comfort.

I am feeling more compassionate. I feel like I now know better how to comfort someone that is struggling emotionally, because now I know how it feels to be in pain. I am now better equipped to help others in this aspect.

I am forming tighter bonds with my family, especially with the women. I'm having conversations with my mom, sister, and niece that I've never had before. Because of this, I am feeling closer to them.

I got reconnected with my faith. 🕊️ In my opinion, my faith with God didn't really go away but I think through this experience, it transformed into something more solid and intentional. I am explicitly expressing my thoughts through prayers and words, not just feelings of gratitude and wishes sitting in my subconscious.

I am now seeing this experience as a gift. I have more compassion now, having been in touch with a larger range of human emotions. One of my friends even congratulated me. "Congrats for experiencing your first heartbreak!" I felt like I had earned a new badge. If life was an RPG, I just have gained a significant number of EXP points that I will surely be able to use on the next stages of my life.

As much as there were negatives, there are still the positive things. And I want to focus on that. ✨

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Day 2: Emotional Unpacking

August 24, 2025

I miss you.

I see you everywhere.

But I know I shouldn't reach out to you.

I'm telling myself that if I did, I won't find the version of you that I have known and loved. I will see the version of you with all the barriers up, and that will just hurt me more. 💔

~o~

I'm still feeling restless. I'm just so grateful that today is a holiday so I really have the time for myself to reflect and process all of these emotions. I'm at the point where I just don't know what to do with this energy. It feels like something is stuck in my chest. And then I remembered this quotation:

"Grief is love with nowhere to go."

This is what I'm experiencing right now. All the love, attention, and affection that I'm so used to pouring out to that person are now, all of a sudden, stagnant inside me. My mind and body are now just so confused by this sudden shift of energy. 😔

But first and foremost, I am so grateful for myself. Thank you, self, for continuing to push through. I'm still able to do basic things for myself. I get to eat, even though I have zero appetite. I get to rest, even though I cannot sleep well. The first thing I did today was to arrange my room, replace my bedsheets, and take a bath. It feels comforting that I could still take care of myself during this time. What my idea of a broken-hearted girl, based on what I have seen in dramas and movies (😅), is that of a girl not leaving her room, all used tissues in disarray on her bed. She is just sleeping all day, eating junk food, sweets, and other unhealthy stuff. Well, some people might really have a process like that when dealing with a breakup. People do have different coping mechanisms anyway. Maybe also, I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

The first evening after we parted ways was the hardest. I have already built habits around him during this time of the day, and not having that for the first time was something indescribable. Before, when I didn't have any idea of the dynamics of romantic relationships, it always puzzled me why people choose not to connect with the person that was once the most important part of their life. Like whyyyy? And now, I know why. It's because of the pain. Would you dare to place your hand on a hot pan again after accidentally touching it and feeling your fingers sting due to the burn? You won't, right? You won't.

~o~

I learned the importance of hydration during this time. It's unnerving how I don't realize that I need to drink water already because I was distracted with the crying sessions. But once I get a sip of water, I realize how thirsty I actually was already. And so I always have my yellow tumbler with me. It's heartbreaking to remember that this tumbler also holds some memories to me that are sad now. I feel like all the glowing golden globes of happy memories that I have created from that relationship are now being touched by Sadness, and they are all turning into blue.

I acknowledge that what I am going through right now is a universal human experience. A lot of people, unfortunately, have experienced this kind of pain, each unique in its own. But I also acknowledge that some of the most beautiful creations of art like music, painting, poems, books, emerged from a person's pain. They have converted the energy that was stuck in them, into something beautiful. I hope to do something similar to that. Maybe this journaling process is the product itself already.

~o~

One of the most difficult things that I realize now is that I don't have the person anymore that listens to my rants and every random thing that I want to talk about. I have my other people I talk to of course, but there are things that I cannot tell even the closest of my friends. With him, I always knew that I could go to him and tell him everything without the fear of being judged. But now, it's gone. My safe space is gone.

~o~

I got to have a call with one of my closest friends that first night. She was really heaven-sent, because I got myself occupied during the first night of his absence. Recounting the events was still painful. Memories of that night were becoming hazy, all I remember was the feelings that I felt during that time.

With all the words of wisdom that my friend has imparted on me, one specific hit me in a different way. My friend said, "He had to choose himself. If he chose me, he would sooner or later run out of energy, trying to catch up with all the responsibilities that he has, and the pressure of establishing himself in society. It wouldn't be good for our relationship".

~o~

I'm realizing now that one of the reasons why all of this happened to me is for me to return back to my faith. I always recognized that even before, that he had that impact on me. And now, one of the lessons I am learning is to always pray and let God take the wheel. I am experiencing emotional pain and chest pain because I am carrying the burden. But if I let go of this and allow God to do His will, I would feel lighter.

I want to apply this in all aspects of my life. There are things that are making me anxious currently (aside from this heartache) and I realized that the more that I think about it, the more that it will just drive me crazy. Regardless of how hard I go back and forth thinking about it, what will happen will be beyond my control. So now, I'm learning to just surrender. I just pray that I will be protected and be guided.

~o~

As I continue processing all these thoughts and feelings, one by one I am seeing the flaws of the relationship. I see parts where I am at fault, and I see his, too. I guess really if you are in the middle of a relationship, you don't see clearly. I am also learning that I shouldn't be hard on myself. This was my first relationship and I got to discover versions of myself that I have never known were inside me. As I slowly cut off the entanglements, I am seeing myself clearer now, realizing my mistakes and all the lessons learned from the experience. I guess this is the process of what character development looks like.

The waves continue to come and go. I allow myself to feel each one of them, but I am also learning not to ruminate that much, else I will spiral down. And so I redirect my energy. I picked up my (long overdue) to-do list and the calendar and planned my day. I discovered that when I do this, I feel more grounded and in control. I paid my bills, completed some Toastmasters tasks, did some laundry, and even exercised on the treadmill. I was playing Taylor Swift's "The Tortured Poets Department" album while exercising. I got triggered by most of the songs so I was actually crying while doing the workout. 😅

This song was my anthem during that time, and it really echoed back my feelings during that exact moment.

~o~

I also had some pockets of peaceful silence during this day, like things were coming back like how it was before. I always enjoyed quiet weekend afternoons at home, with me just doing my thing. I realized it's been a while since I've had that kind of peaceful solitude. I'm grateful to have been able to remember glimpses of it again today. I guess in the future, I need to learn how to balance having time for myself and spending time with my partner so that I would still feel grounded. Again, this is another lesson learned.

~o~

A lot of emotional unpacking really happened today. I feel like I am making progress. I'm slowly beginning to collect myself. I know this is just day two. I still don't know how I will cope in the next few days, but hey, it's one day at a time.

Also, one step at a time. It's amazing how I always circle back to this mantra of mine, of the very theme of this blog. I guess somehow, I always had the answer within me. I just have to learn how to discover it again myself. ✨

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The First 12 Hours

August 20, 2025

12:42AM, Wednesday

It's been almost an hour since I arrived home. I didn't feel like myself, because who would? In a span of hours, my mind and energy has shifted. It really felt surreal having "that talk" because I already imagined that several times in my head during those times that I was overthinking. It felt like I was in a dream, a nightmare to be exact, when I heard those words from him. I was hyper focused because I wanted to catch each and every word that he uttered, but actually even though I was recognizing the words, I couldn't comprehend most of it. I just felt my body chemistry changing and I couldn't think clearly anymore. We talked, compromised, and parted ways.

The moment I got home, I was feeling drained. I wanted to collect my thoughts so I got my phone to create voice notes (which I'm actually using as a reference to write this). I couldn't really gather my thoughts, and I didn't know how to express myself. One movie came to mind, that one entitled (500) Days of Summer. I even wrote a review about it a few years back. I always liked this movie because of its unique representation of the dynamics of a relationship. The pain that I got from this movie really placed a mark in me. And that pain came rushing back to me because somehow it has some parallel themes on what I am going through right now. One of the most hurtful things for me right now with regards to my situation is that no one really was at fault. Each side had a valid point of view, and going into this relationship, I always knew this. But we still gave it a try. Although I am feeling pain right now, I'm still glad I did take the risk.

I was introduced to a different kind of world, a world wherein I was not walking alone. I learned things from how he saw the world. I became more courageous and outgoing. I was able to experience new things, visited new places, and went to lots of food escapades. I really enjoyed each of them because it was all new and I was with a person that I liked. I believe this was a push that I needed especially after the pandemic. My comfort zone was staying within my city. Even going to the office felt stressful for me. But through these adventures that he pulled me into, I got used to commuting again. I got to ride the public trains again. I got to drive to new places. I have lots of happy memories scattered around Metro Manila (and a few beyond), and now I am looking back at all of them with pain in my chest and tears in my eyes.😢

As I was trying to process these overwhelming emotions, I just couldn't help but go back to the feeling of gratitude that I always had since getting together with him. I truly believe that he was an answered prayer, and I was happy. Even up to the last moment, I was still in awe like it was still not sinking in that I found someone like him, someone that loved and cared for me. However, now, I'm dealing with the loss of it, and this agony is so unimaginably heavy.

At this point during my voice notes recording, wherein I was continuously ugly crying, I felt like I was going to throw up. And I did. As I saw the remnants of the last meal that I had with him, I cried again. The feeling was just so crazy and painful. 😔 I was beginning to notice that the feelings of sadness and pain comes and goes like waves. One moment I was feeling okay, and then when a thought or memory comes back, I suddenly start crying again. That's what has been happening. I feel like this is grief. I am grieving the relationship that I had.

I want to set guidelines for myself. I don't want to linger with past emotions. I don't want to be that kind of person that would look back on messages. Also I don't want to scroll that much on social media, especially on Instagram reels, because I have experienced them having a negative effect on my mental state. Since I also have built out habits around him, I would have to start replacing them with new ones. I know for sure, overthinking will come. Sadly this time around, no one will be there to give me assurance. I have to get it from myself. What he will do from this point forward will be out of my control. I'll need to focus on myself.

03:33 AM, Wednesday

I woke up from a short-one-hour sleep, and I cried again as soon as the memories loaded. Now I was in the stage wherein I was questioning things. Which of them were true and sincere? Which of them were not? The last thing I wanted was to taint those happy memories that I have created with this person. I don't want to muddle them with these heightened emotions. Because of these confused thoughts, I just started getting tearful again.

The physical manifestations came rushing in again. The pain in my chest. The adrenaline rush. I remembered when I was single, there was this recurring thought wherein I haven't really had the full range of human emotions because I haven't felt the highest of highs of happiness and the lowest of lows of misery. However, since meeting him, I have felt the happiness of being in love. And now, the Universe is giving me the other extreme side of the spectrum.

When I was in love, I had an added layer of understanding about life, like oh so this is what all the love songs were about. Listening to Taylor Swift songs hit differently actually. And now, oh wow, this time, I would be consuming the sad TS songs in a whole different way now. 😔

I started to disconnect from the things that connected us, may it be of physical things or virtual things. It would help in coping and in moving on.

06:50AM, Wednesday

I just got off the phone with one of my closest friends. It was a 2h25m call. I messaged her on Instagram at around 4:00AM telling her I won't make it on our scheduled trips. To my surprise, she was online. She offered to call even though she was catching up with some work 🥺 and so there, I poured out my emotions with her. And boy, I believe God sent her to me precisely during this time because I heard from her the opinion and advice that I needed to hear without any sugarcoating. I realized things that I was repeatedly ignoring and her insight gave me more perspective.

08:00AM - 12:00PM, Wednesday

I wasn't able to make some decent sleep, but surprisingly my mind and body are still alert. Maybe this is because I am currently running on a fight-or-flight mode. Just on the onset, I had to stop myself from doing things out of habit. I cried while having breakfast. I felt like I didn't have any appetite and I was afraid I would throw up again. I slowly arranged my things in my room, and in the afternoon, I started writing this blog entry.

And just like that, I have survived the first 12 hours.

As I continue to process these emotions, I kind of realized that maybe this was a blessing from the Universe also. It takes courage for one to have these difficult conversations. We finally head-on acknowledged the elephant in the room, which we always recognized was with us. It was only until that talk that we took a closer look on what plan (or the lack of plan) we had to address it.

Universe/God/Creator, I'm so grateful for my mom. I broke down crying the moment I got home. I'm thankful to have that moment with her. Also, thank you for the opportunity that I got to say the things that I wanted to say for the longest time to my sister.

I want to promise myself that I will love myself more, and put myself first. And I will pray and be closer to God. I will also surround myself with the people that care for me.

This too shall pass. 🙏 ✨

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life

Reality Check

August 18, 2025

Time check: 01:00 AM on a Monday.

I know I should be sleeping and resting since it's the start of the work week. But instead, here I am still wide awake -- my body, mind, and soul running on survival mode. 😔

I always thought that I would do well during times when I feel negative emotions or when life throws me lemons. I am very familiar with the power of meditation and journaling for dealing with overwhelming surges of emotions. However, maybe theoretical skills just don't always translate into practical skills. 😅 Like right now, I should have placed into practice all the things I learned about mindfulness, but instead I found myself here, in the early hours of the morning, having an emotional meltdown.

For the last several hours, I have been trying to sleep. But my mind is running around in a feast giving me all the intrusive thoughts in the world, as my eyes continuously flowed with tears. Honestly, I don't know who my enemy is anymore. Do you know that feeling when something feels too good to be true, you nitpick out things that you might be missing something? I found myself looking into the details and finding loopholes that I might be neglecting or missing out. It's my brain's way of trying to protect myself from getting hurt, and so I zoom in to every action to see if there's something I need to be alert of. I gave in to intrusive thoughts, and things went out of control. There are things I did that I think are irreversible now, but thankfully, I still had the presence of mind to not further incur damage. I think I made the right choice to unplug because I feel like the online noise is just feeding the beast inside of me.

And so here I am again, back to my online haven, my safe sanctuary, which I have actually ignored for months now. I think I would spend more time here, to further digest my emotions and really see where I want to go from here.

I want to be busy with work. I want to focus more on my hobbies. I want to invest more in myself. Currently, I'm drowning in responsibilities. My to-do list is getting longer every day, and my commitments to people are piling up. There's just really a lot of things going on. Many new things have been introduced in my life, and I have a whole different set of responsibilities and commitments. However, what's clear now to me as I go on writing this entry is that I want to return to writing and setting goals, because those activities have always been my guide to my North Star. Those activities made me feel like my life has a purpose and those provided a kind of fulfillment that I needed.

I guess it's clear now. I am going back to this safe sanctuary that I have been with for more than a decade. I need more time for myself, more time to arrange my thoughts without any input from social media or an AI chatbot. 😅 That would help me digest and figure out what I really want out of life in general. Of course, I would reach out to people that care about me, in every form that I might be in. I am very grateful to have them in my life. I want to break down the things I need to do and move forward with actions that align with my life's purpose, one step at a time. I believe in myself, and I believe that I will get there in time.

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lessons

A Renewed Faith 🤲🕊️

April 09, 2025

Old with the new. This is where the shopping center once stood.

This experience occurred several weeks ago and significantly shifted my entire being, my perspective on the world, and how I will navigate life moving forward. To provide some context, I am not particularly religious; I would describe myself more as a spiritual person. I was raised as a Catholic, but as I grew older, especially during high school and college, my beliefs expanded beyond traditional religious teachings to include more spiritual practices.

Over the years since college, I have been fluid in my beliefs, discovering spiritual concepts and foundations in other religions, such as Buddhism. I became deeply interested in meditation and other spiritual modalities (especially during the pandemic) and those became the foundation of my belief system.

However, several weeks ago, something clicked within me when I attended church on that fateful Sunday morning. On that day, my boyfriend and I arranged to meet to attend a mass. He is a dedicated Catholic. This aspect of him truly fascinated me, as it is not common in my circle to encounter a devout Catholic; most of the people I interact with are agnostic believers. He knows that I am not a practicing Catholic, but he accepted that. I admitted to him that I usually attend church only on special occasions, with my last visit being on New Year’s Day. He told me I was a "cafeteria Catholic." I had to Google what it meant. Well yes, I think it was accurate for him to say that about me. 😅

Even though I was not a regular church goer as an adult, church played a huge part in my childhood because my mother used to serve in church. I was kind of surprised that I still knew the songs that were sung during that mass, even having the lyrics memorized. It's as if some core childhood memories were being unearthed during that moment.

Then came the homily, where things shifted significantly. I couldn't help but cry while seated in the mass. I was really ugly crying, like OMG. 😢 I felt fortunate to have a caring boyfriend who lent me his handkerchief to dry my tears (which he had done for me before). I let my tears flow because the lessons the priest shared struck a chord in my heart. And then I realized the things I had been lacking all these years. I recognized that I had been practicing a form of self-service DIY faith. While I know my faith is pure and my intentions are genuine in wanting to serve and give back to the community, I realized that the keyword is community. That is one thing missing in my life. I had forgotten or overlooked the importance of belonging to a strong community that would help me grow as a believer and guide me on my spiritual journey. I also realized that this might be the reason I am easily swayed by my inner demons. My faith feels weak because I have been nurturing it alone. This isolation makes me susceptible to negative thoughts and overthinking. I understand now that my foundation of faith has not been strong enough.

When the time for receiving communion came, a dream rushed back to me. I vividly remembered that a few weeks ago, I actually dreamed of receiving communion. I have not done so in a long while so I felt like it was really a weird dream. Well, little did I know that it's the Universe planting seeds into my mind. I felt that this was the moment the Universe had led me to, a time for me to look back and renew my faith. I got up, went in line, and received my first communion since college. I felt ready to accept my faith again.

As I knelt down and prayed after receiving communion, the tears flowed again, and I let it all out. Those tears were the culmination of years of feeling lost, a realization that I had been lost in my faith. Finally, I felt like I was home, and that I have finally found something that I could lean on to grow my faith.

I hope I didn't make my boyfriend feel awkward during that time, but that moment was truly something between me and my Creator. I am so happy, so glad, and so thankful that I found my way back to my faith.

After the mass, I felt really light, and it felt like a full circle because we visited the university campus where I graduated. We strolled around, and it made me reminisce, feeling nostalgic as I recognized my college building. Even after all these years, it felt the same, despite the many new buildings nearby. It felt both old and new at the same time, which resonates with how I feel about my faith. My faith is something that has been within me since childhood, yet it feels new to me at this stage of my life because I have not practiced it in a while. I felt like a renewed person that day.

The day after, I felt a shift in my body. I felt lighter, and the most amazing thing was that my kinder inner voice returned. This inner voice, which I didn't know I had lost, was the one that helped me navigate through high school and college during stressful times. I didn't even realize it had faded away.

I also felt more secure in my romantic relationship, recognizing that God made him an instrument to restore my faith. For the past few weeks, I struggled with trusting people, especially regarding things beyond my control. This was an area in our relationship that I found challenging. However, now that I recognize and trust that God sent him to me for a purpose, I see him as someone from God. Previously, I had difficulty placing my trust, but now I can say that he has my heart and my trust. I know nothing is certain in the future, but at this moment, I am grateful that he led me back to Him.

It's still a work in progress, but I am feeling a renewed gusto for life. I want to do better and be a better human being, especially for myself and for the people I love. I am slowly renewing my inner garden, reshaping how I see life, myself, and my purpose.

Thank you, Universe. Thank you, God. Thank you, Creator, for allowing me to experience this moment. I am grateful for it and will carry that gratitude for the rest of my life. 💖

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Cobblestones [♬ ~ #37]

February 23, 2025

I can't believe that my last piano-related post is way back in 2022. It's been three years, and I find it a bit of a bummer because I love playing the piano. However, because life happened, I wasn't able to practice consistently throughout the years.

I noticed though in my past few piano posts, that the driving force for me to tap into this creative-side of mine is when I get inspired. Through enough, the piano piece in this post is a very special one because it is a product of an inspirational spark. It's not just any piano piece, it's THE piano piece because it is a self-composed piece that was inspired by true-to-life experiences.

I've discussed throughout the blog that I haven't been in a romantic relationship due to various reasons. Because of my age, I feel like I have been missing out. I know it's not the right mindset, but when compared to the usual timeline for women, society expects a woman in her mid-thirties to have a family and have already established her career, focusing on nurturing new life through raising children. However, I wasn't even one foot into the dating scene... until this year. 🥰

You know, life is truly full of surprises. I truly believe that this guy is an answered prayer, because his personality and characteristics aligned with what I wanted and needed subconsciously. He is very aware of where I stand in the romantic scene and he genuinely wants me to experience things that he thinks I have missed out on in terms of dating. That is why he took me on a very memorable Valentine's day date. For the longest time, February 14 has been just "single awareness day" for me. I would see couples, with girls holding flowers, and throughout the years, my feelings have changed from bitterness and jealousy to something more neutral. I felt a bit disengaged from the whole couple's scene because it seemed like something that was not for me (or better yet, something that I was just not into yet). However, this year, things have changed, and it was truly a memorable day.

I don't even recognize this pretty girl smiling at the camera. Was this really me? 😍

And this is where the inspiration came in. A few days ago, a melody came to me. I have always wanted to dabble in composing, but I never knew where to start. I would often have a lingering melody in my head that I thought would be an interesting foundation to build upon, but for one reason or another, I was unable to capture it, and before I knew it, I had forgotten about it. This time, perhaps fueled by inspiration, I felt something awaken within me. I grabbed my phone, opened up voice notes, and started humming. This process was actually inspired by how Taylor Swift creates her music; she records her ideas on her phone so she can revisit them later when she has access to a piano or guitar.

I guess that's what happened to me. And so after that initial voice note, I began exploring the melody and the idea for the next few days. Because I don't have a formal background in piano, it is a bit tricky for me to work on that melody. I have an idea of what I want it to sound like, but since I'm not trained to produce music, it was challenging for me to work and build upon the melody as I imagined it to be on the actual piano.

However, thankfully, I have a foundation in chord theory, which allowed me to build upon the piece based on its key. Through that, I was able to easily play the accompanying chords and melody with my left hand.

Here is my composition.

It is a short piece, but it is very meaningful to me because it stems from the feelings I had during that day. It is memorable because it was my first time (in a while) visiting those places, and this time, it was with someone dear to me. I felt truly special that day, not just because of the gifts, but also because of the gestures, words of affirmation, and physical touch that I received from my special person. Many love languages were expressed to me that day, and I was really happy. I want to immortalize the feelings I experienced that day through this piece.

It is a piece with a playful melody, signifying my heart skipping a beat that day. In one part, it feels like it's posing some questions: how long will this last? Are these feelings true? How deeply will these feelings seep through my heart and soul? However, as the song ends, there's a realization that those questions do not really matter at this moment. It's better to refocus on the current happy moment and capture something that will remain unchanged in history. No matter what happens in the future, these memories exist and this piece is a reminder of the happiness that was felt that day.

I am grateful to the Universe for orchestrating this event for me. I also thank this soul that has found me. I am continuing to know this person better, and I am just so grateful to have him in my life right now. Whatever happens in the future, I will cherish those memories of that day for life, because I felt happiness that I couldn't imagine that I was capable of. 🥰

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life

Card Reading: Navigating Unfamiliar Emotional Territory 🎴

January 19, 2025

So much has happened in the past weeks that I do feel like a different person now. I am aware that these intense emotions are brought about by biological factors. Yes, a lot of hormones are at play and I acknowledge that amidst all the chaos, there is a "self" inside me that is a neutral observer of all the thoughts that are going on in my head right now🧠(which is a concept from the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). I'm using this theory to separate "the self" from the feelings that I am experiencing right now so that I can approach and process them with clarity.

Card reading has been my tool in doing this. With a specific topic/theme in mind, I interpret each card with the use of my intuition. I always ask the question "what comes to mind first when I see the card?" This method proved really effective for me in uncovering the ideas, emotions, and thoughts that are already floating in the surface of my subconscious.

For this card spread, I am using the Celestial Navigation Spread provided by The Phantomwise Tarot and Guidebook.

Card #1: The Ship - the current position or circumstance.

The first card drawn is the Five of Wands. In the card illustration, there are children holding sticks, appearing to be hitting a poor animal that is hanging from a rope connected to a branch of a tree.

I feel like this describes my emotional state right now. A lot of voices are ringing in my head. Many thoughts are being thrown in every direction, creating a sense of chaos. The voices are talking over each other, each wanting to be heard the loudest. This was kind of overwhelming, and moved me to tears the first time I experienced it 😢. But I am getting better with handling it. This "mental disturbance" is happening because my mind is trying its best to navigate through this situation. 😅

Card #2: The Sextant - a tool that may be used to aid on this journey

The card is the Four of Wands. In this specific Phantomwise card illustration, it is depicted as a layered cake with four sticks on the topmost layer, tied together with ropes. Looking at the card intuitively, I feel like it illustrates mutual support and open communication. These are the tools that will be used for the two people involved in navigating this moment of their lives. I'm also building the foundation wherein my actions are rooted from pure positive intentions towards the other person.

I have to say, this is really a very tricky road to walk on, akin to walking on thin ice. Heightened emotions can lead to recklessness. That's why I believe that it is important to take things slow.

To summarize: open communication, support, and the best intentions for each other are essential.

Card #3: The Evening Star - an idea or influence that may be fading

It's the Nine of Pentacles for this one. For the longest time, I have been navigating this world as an individual, but now there is someone that's interested to enter my world, and vice-versa. Relating to a concept from a workshop that I recently attended, the change involves two complete people enhancing their lives even more through each other's presence. I believe that this card is hinting on this limiting belief that I have for myself for the longest time, that I don't need face the world alone all the time.

The Pentacles suit relates to resources, and for this particular situation, that resource is time. Making plans may not be as straightforward as before; now, there is another person with whom I want to share my plans with. We are at a stage where we wish to be involved in each other's worlds, so blocking time in our schedule for each other becomes essential. This is how I interpret this card.

Card #4: The North Star - a point to keep constant

I got The Chariot. "The card suggests the need for focus, discipline, and the ability to steer life towards success despite challenges." This interpretation really hits the bulls-eye for me 🎯. Amidst all the chaos and changes happening for both of us, it is recommended that we still have boundaries. Despite the shared schedules and goals, we need to concentrate back on our own goals and responsibilities. Focus and discipline are key to do this. It is important to maintain individuality and not be drowned by the passing of emotions, especially during this very delicate early stage of the relationship.

Card #5: The Morning Star - an aspect that has yet to be considered

The Knight of Swords is my card for this. I feel like it refers to how I would approach the next level if this relationship does progress. I haven't really thought of this, but I'm relieved that we got to have a discussion regarding this. I believe the card serves as a reminder to take my time to think about this area in this journey.

Card #6: The Far Shore - the goal or destination

I got the Seven of Pentacles, which is associated with assessment, patience, and long-term investment. The goal is to assess overall progress, establishing checkpoints to determine where we are and where we want to go in this relationship. It is essential to express patience in any conflicts that may arise.

I know it's still too early in the journey, but I believe it's worthwhile to establish this already at the onset. I believe regular conversations about feelings and perceptions of progress are important to ensure both parties are on the same page, eliminating confusion about the relationship's direction. Again, my rule of thumb is that my actions are rooted from the best intentions for the other person. We should consult with each other regularly to assess whether we are satisfied with how things are progressing, whether we need to pause, and if there are any conflicts of interest that are arising. The progress checkpoint is crucial for maintaining clear communication between both parties.

This is a nice spread. I get to flesh out all the thoughts that I have been juggling in my mind recently. I guess this is my way of journaling. 📝✨ In this very confusing part of my journey, I pray to always have sound judgment on how to approach situations, to not be swayed by emotions, and to avoid careless actions. 🙏

Thank you, Universe, for the guidance.

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lessons

My 2024 Wrapped 🎆

December 31, 2024

I cannot believe 2024 is already coming to an end, and today is the last day! 🫨 It feels surreal how quickly a year can pass by, and I am so happy and grateful for the many great things that happened this year, along with new adventures, new experiences, and, of course, lessons learned. I want to honor those blessings and lessons that I have gained this year through this post. So, let's go through the events of the year and highlight the significant events that occurred for me! ☺️🙌

Participated in Ali Abdaal's Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop. Ali is one of the YouTube influencers that really helped me a lot to hack life, and I am a fan of his recently published book Feel-Good Productivity. One of the perks of pre-ordering his book was this free workshop on setting your intention for the new year. This is one of my most favorite activities, that's why I was very enthusiastic to participate in this event. I believe the workshop was three hours long, and I've got to say it's one of the best new year planning sessions I attended in recent memory. I even got teary eyed during the session. I never thought I would feel emotional during the process. I initially thought I would just listen to Ali talk about all the hacks to make this year the best one of your life. I never thought I would go deep into my emotions. I also got to know Ali more as a person. And I must say I love his energy. I thought he would come off as obnoxious, but I was wrong. He has this pure enthusiasm to share his knowledge with others. I think that's what makes him a great coach also, because he feeds off energy to others.

Went to Japan with the best of my friends. Finally, I got to go on an overseas trip with my friends! It was in 2022 when all of them went except me. I had my personal reasons back then, but I'm so happy the stars aligned for this trip. I even had one great experience during our stay in Japan -- attending Taylor Swift's Eras tour concert in Tokyo. Ahhh!!! This trip deserves a whole set of posts (which I hope to get rolling soon 😅).

My friends and I @ Shirakawago. It's their first time to experience snow. It's my second time (first time was in Japan too. 💖).

Jean and me at our happiest Swiftie forms. This was such a memorable day. 🥰

Finally caved in to the urge to buy a Nintendo Switch! For years, I have had an on-and-off craving to actually buy a Switch because I really enjoy gaming. I'm not a hardcore gamer, but I enjoy playing games all the same. I have fond childhood memories of playing on the Game Boy, so it was one of my dreams to actually own a Nintendo Switch. When we passed by a Switch store in Japan, I couldn't resist the urge anymore and bought one for myself. 😆 Since then, I have been enjoying playing games like Pokémon Arceus (but I have not finished it, I abandoned it and gave the game to my sister). Now, I am continuing to play Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, and I am really enjoying that game on the console. My happy gamer self thrived this year. 🥰

Unboxing the Switch at our Airbnb in Japan

Gone through a grieving process.
Enjoyed pampering my inner child. ✨I indulged with buying items that I enjoyed as a child. Well now that I'm an adult with money, I can buy stuff that I want! 😉

Harry Potter and Cardcaptor Sakura items that I bought from SHEIN. 😍

Bought a sunrise alarm clock! Waking up has never been this seamless. I also rediscovered my love for reading (via the Kindle) so I have developed a healthier night routine to substitute endless doom scrolling on the phone.

I got this on Amazon and shipped via Kango Express.

Went to visit my friend's house and met his folks. KP is one of my longest friends and we live in the same province. I was so happy I got to finally visit him with the help of my folks also (it was a one-hour drive from our place).

Got to see Miss Saigon live on stage! I went with my friends Jean and Maan to see the play. I instantly became a fan of the actors. 👏

Travelled with family to a quick outing. This was something new for us and so I was so happy we got to gather together to just do some sightseeing and eat some great food.

We all had our share of photos here. Of course I will only upload my solo. HAHAHA.

Was able to renovate our house's roof. 🙏
Listened to Taylor Swift's new album The Tortured Poets Department. Of course this is included in my highlights for this year! 🤍
Reunited with my beloved thesismates. Yes, the very same friends I went to Seoul with in 2016. I think that was actually back then when we last met, and here we are 8 years later! With them, it felt like no time passed by. I'm so grateful I got to meet up with them again. 😊

Bonded with colleagues and got to know my new friends a little better. It's one thing to share happy memories with friends, and it's another to go up against the worst kind of life's challenges together. I'm so humbled to be welcomed in this circle of friendship that has tested their relationship in the most difficult way, which they all emerged as warriors by the way. At this point, they already know that they are soulmates for life. I'm so grateful that I, as an outsider, got to know their stories, how delicate and sensitive it all was, and I deeply appreciated that they warmly welcomed me to be part of their friendship. Those conversations in the car and in the cafe were moments that I really treasure.

Got to watch IU live in concert! IU is one artist that I really adore, and I'm so happy I got to see her perform live! Thanks again to Jean's help in securing the tickets. 💖

Went to Lasema with friends. This jjimjjilbang place will always be a favourite, and I'm so happy I got to go there again with my friends, Hazel and KP.

Of course, it's a must to eat ramen when we go to Lasema! 🍜

Bought a treadmill to reach my fitness goals. ✨I knew I had to level up with my fitness routine and so I bought this treadmill that my friend recommended to me, and I was so happy with my purchase! Even my dad loves using it!

I got the Kingsmith Walking Pad from Lazada.

Joined the Harry Potter and the Sorcer's Stone Conqueror Challenge! I stumbled upon a sponsored ad on Facebook for The Conqueror Challenge, which was launching their Harry Potter virtual run challenges. After some consideration, I decided to participate. My Potterhead self just couldn't resist! The Conqueror Challenge is a virtual run challenge wherein the goal is to completely cover a targeted distance for the marathon. There's a mobile app being used that features a map that follows your progress in the distance covered through walking and other exercises. For the Harry Potter themed marathon, the map follows the story of the books. I subscribed for just the first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. The other six books are available for purchase separately. Included in each virtual run package is a physical medal which is HP-themed also. There's an optional add-on for a runner's shirt (where you can choose the design you want). I chose a Hufflepuff runner's shirt and I ran the virtual challenge contributing points to my house, Hufflepuff. Go badgers!

However, I think I may have over exerted myself, particularly on the treadmill, which is why I needed to consult with a doctor about my knees. 😅 Despite that, overall I really enjoyed The Conqueror Challenge. It was a very effective method to keep me motivated to be more physically active. 💪

Participated as a session speaker in a conference in Las Vegas. This was another significant milestone for me in terms of my career. This is my second time being a session speaker at our company's conference in Las Vegas. My friend Hazel attended the same conference with me. We flew together with another colleague from Manila to the US. This year's experience was really fun, filled with new and familiar experiences. I am always thankful for the opportunity to travel to these places because of work. It has helped me connect with more people and gain confidence in my public speaking skills (also thanks to all the training I have received from Toastmasters!).

Went to a side-trip in Tokyo after our business trip! I never thought that I would be able to visit Japan twice this year, and it proves that life is just full of surprises 😍. I was overwhelmingly excited when I discovered the possibility of doing a side trip in Japan after our business trip in the US. Together with my friend Hazel, we took a side trip to Tokyo and transformed to tourist mode in the city for a few days. We did a lot of shopping, eating, and had many heart-to-heart conversations with each other. I was really happy, and it was another memorable trip, which I hope to write about in more detail in this blog. 😉 Seeing this picture below reminds me of all the happy memories I had during my short stay in Tokyo.

Participated in a surprise proposal. This was my first time participating in a surprise proposal, and I feel truly blessed and grateful to be part of such a special event for the couple. It was an overnight gathering, and I also had the opportunity to meet their mutual friends. Initially, I felt some anxiety because I would be surrounded by mostly strangers, and I was unsure how I would interact with them. However, upon arriving and meeting everyone, I realized why we are all friends of the couple. We all shared the same energy, and it felt as though, despite it being my first time meeting them, we could all also become good friends if given the opportunity.

Took the role of "Toastmaster of the Day" in an in-person meeting. This year, I had the opportunity to be Toastmaster of the Day in our club, this time in a face-to-face setting. At first it was a bit unsettling, as it required a different setup and a different set of skills to pull it off smoothly. However, thanks to all the supportive members and the officers, I was able to succeed. I received great feedback from the members and evaluators present at the meeting.

This experience was quite different compared to participating in online Toastmasters meetings, making it a memorable moment for me. There is a unique kind of magic in conducting Toastmasters in a face-to-face setting. I hope to do this more often in the future. 💗

Drove down south to visit a friend's place. We have been planning this for the longest time, but was significantly stalled by the pandemic. I'm so happy that it finally happened! I drove down south and visited one of my friend's homes, where we were able to meet her husband again and at the same time meet with our other teammates and their families. It really felt like a reunion.

Before the pandemic, we used to have company outings and would always bond with each other's families. However, due to the pandemic and our differing schedules now, we do not gather as frequently as we used to, so we all felt nostalgic that day. We realized how quickly time has flown by. We tried to avoid discussing work as much as possible 😆. The gathering became a potluck, as each family brought food to share. We enjoyed the meal together, and my friend’s husband prepared some cocktails for us, which we really loved. He enjoyed mixing cocktails based on recipes he's been experimenting with. It was really a night of fun, filled with food and drinks. 🍹

I am incredibly grateful to my friend for hosting us and also allowing us to stay overnight. I truly miss this kind of connection with my officemates, as things have changed. I really missed these kinds of conversations over food that we no longer have because we are all working from home. I am so grateful to have shared those moments again in this way with my friends at the office.

Splurged on HP x MINISO items. This deserves its own entry as one of my highlights this year because I am a huge Potterhead, and it was such a joy to know that a whole new line of merchandise was released via MINISO shops. My sister and I (both Potterheads!) busied ourselves discovering the different products that were available, and it was a delight for me to look at each of them. I was so happy to be an adult now with money because I got to buy all the things I liked. I bet all of us millennial Potterheads were thrilled because we now have the purchasing power, and it is such a nostalgic experience to revisit our childhood fandom and enjoy the buying experience itself. Thank you, MINISO, for collaborating with Harry Potter for this line of merchandise in your stores.

Participated in a promotional video for my Toastmasters club. I was able to attend another face-to-face Toastmasters club meeting, and I discovered that the newer generation of members has great talent in producing online content. One of our members, who is also our VP for Public Relations, edited one of our club's promotional content online, and I was thrilled to be included in the video. We did some shooting and video recording after our meeting session that day, and it was fun to act in the skits and follow the directions given by our VPPR.

Underwent a cosmetic procedure. Together with my mom, I visited a nearby beauty salon to undergo a cosmetic procedure, something I had considered for a long time because it is a bit invasive. It was an experience to undergo this procedure, and thankfully, things went well for the first session. I am excited to do the second session with them next year! 💋

Attended an online book club meeting. One of my main goals for the year was to expand my network, and I thought that joining book clubs would be a great way to achieve that. So, I joined several online book clubs, and this was my first time attending one of their Zoom meetings. There were only a few of us, but it was a very comprehensive session. Our host was passionate about her role in the club, which inspired me to do the same.

Attending this book club meeting changed my perspective on various aspects of the world, especially regarding leading projects. I often feel demotivated when only a few people participate or contribute to a project I am working on. However, during this book club meeting, I realized that this mindset is not ideal, as it indicates a reliance on external validation for my work.

I learned that you can maintain the same passion, dedication, and quality of work regardless of whether one or two people attend your meeting. You do the work because you enjoy it, and that enjoyment is self-validating already by itself. Your high-vibration will soon attract like-minded people that share that same level of passion, and that's when you will find your people. 😀

I feel fortunate and grateful to have attended this meeting because it truly changed my mindset. With this realization, I am motivated to engage in more volunteer work in the future. I am happy to have gained a new perspective on working with others, and I look forward to attending more book club meetings in the future!

Stayed at my sister's house for a week. One of my highlights this year was traveling to my sister's house and staying there for a week. It is always a joy to be there because I get to babysit her furchildren, which include two dogs and a cat. My favorite part is taking care of their cat because she is very adorable and friendly. Additionally, their dogs do not bark at me, which makes my time there even more comfortable. I seldom see my sister's cat, so I am very happy to have the opportunity to stay for a few days and take care of her.

Went on a local trip with KP and his partner. I traveled locally in the last month of the year with KP and his partner. It was a memorable trip because it was a small group, creating an intimate experience. We were able to do a lot of things during that trip, including food trips and nature adventures. I am grateful to have spent these kinds of moments with friends I am very comfortable with. This trip was life-changing and memorable, and I plan to write about it soon on the blog! 😉📝

Celebrated my birthday with my folks. I had a simple and quiet celebration of my birthday. I was actually working on my birthday, but that’s okay 😅. I forgot to file a leave for my birthday, actually. Anyway, my birthday was a simple celebration with my parents at home, and we ordered some food. I felt a different level of peace and gratitude on this day, which was a unique experience because I usually feel some sort of existential crisis during this day. Well this year was different and because of that, I am very grateful. Despite working, I still had some quiet time during which I was able to write down my thoughts and reflect on my life so far. I am grateful everyday, but especially on my birthday, for the opportunity to celebrate with the people I love and those I am close to. 🥰

Travelled to the province to be with my extended family members. We made an unplanned visit to the province due to some family events, and I got to enjoy morning walks while being there. Those quiet moments in the morning, before everything gets busy and noisy, are precious to me. I am grateful to have experienced those moments during our visit to the province.

Visited a famous church in the province. We also visited one of the famous churches in the province, where we offered our wishes for the family and for the people we are close to. The energy that people bring into these traditions and the faith they give to the saints and churches fascinates me. This is why I enjoy visiting places of faith; I love observing people and feeling their energy and faith as they gather together to pray.

Did an overnight staycation with my sister and her hubby. I never thought that the last month of the year would be a very busy time for me. In the last few days of the year, I was able to travel with my sister and her husband, and we enjoyed an overnight stay at a hotel. It was fun because it had been a while since I traveled with my sister. I believe she was still single during our last trip together. 😂

This trip allowed us to get to know each other better and create new happy memories. We were able to enjoy food trips and take many photos, and I really appreciated the relaxed atmosphere of traveling with them. We also visited one of the chapels that honors the same patron as the church I visited with my parents in the province. Was it a coincidence? Perhaps. But I believe we were meant to be there.

Things are just meant to happen that way, whether by coincidence, magic, or the alignment of the stars. It all felt magical. The energy of faith really draws me to these religious places. I made my share of wishes and prayers and offered well wishes for myself, my sister, and our family. It was a very enjoyable way to end the year!.

The year 2024 was a phenomenal year. I am grateful that we have arrived at the end of it with many happy memories and additional layers of experience through life. I hope for the best in the upcoming year, 2025, as we carry on all the lessons we have learned this year and maintain the positive energy from the lovely memories we have created. I am looking forward to what is to come in 2025. I am thankful to have experienced all of this. Thank you, Universe, for all the blessings and lessons you have given us this year.

Happy New Year! ✨

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Self-Reflections

Creating New Memories

Raging Storm

Music Triggers

Day 3: Focusing on the Positive

Day 2: Emotional Unpacking

The First 12 Hours

Reality Check

A Renewed Faith 🤲🕊️

Cobblestones [♬ ~ #37]

Card Reading: Navigating Unfamiliar Emotional Territory 🎴

My 2024 Wrapped 🎆

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