Realignment

February 15, 2024

Photo taken at Shirakawa-go, Japan

I just came back from a two-week international trip with friends, and since coming back, I was just feeling overwhelmed and all over the place. I felt restless, and I was losing interest in everything. It was a sign that I was entering a slump phase again. I tried to confront these feelings. I tried journaling, but I couldn't seem to find the words to truly express what I was feeling. πŸ˜”

And then slowly, things started to become clearer. I have realized that I was not feeling grounded, because during those days of the trip, I wasn't able to listen to my thoughts. I was just going with the flow. The thoughts and feelings that I needed to process during the trip ended up being brushed under the rug because I was too overwhelmed with things that I was feeling physically. I was so tired that all I could think of each night was to just lie down on the bed and rest my body, wasted from all the walking and touristy things done for the day.

Recent events also aggravated these negative feelings. I felt like being twisted like a pretzel just to please everyone around me, including myself. I felt so exhausted and totally out of myself. However, today, for the first time in weeks, I got to listen to my thoughts. And also, it was perfect timing that I stumbled upon this book by Matt Haig entitled The Comfort Book. πŸ“–And with just reading a few pages, it opened the floodgates in me. For the first time in weeks, I felt like feeling like myself again.

Here are some excerpts from the book that tugged hard on my heartstrings.

You are the goal.
You don't have to continually improve yourself to love yourself. Love is not something you deserve only if you reach a goal. The world is one of pressure but don't let it squeeze your self-compassion. You were born worthy of love and you remain worthy of love. Be kind to yourself. 

It's okay.
It's okay to be broken.
It's okay to wear the scars of experience.
It's okay to be a mess.
It's okay to be the teacup with a chip in it. That's the one with a story.
It's okay to be sentimental and whimsical and cry bittersweet tears at songs and movies you aren't supposed to love.
It's okay to like what you like.
It's okay to like things for literally no other reason than because you like them and not because they are cool or clever or popular.
It's okay to let people find you. You don't have to spread yourself so thin you become invisible. You don't have to always be the person reaching out. You can sometimes allow yourself to be reached. As the great writer Anne Lamott puts it: "Lighthouses don't go running all over an island for boats to save; they just stand there shining."
It's okay not to make the most of every chunk of time.
It's okay to be who you are.
It's okay.

Upon reading these, I just saw myself crying. And I just let the tears flow. And I can feel parts of me healing. πŸ₯Ή

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