The pain doesn't get easier. I thought I was making progress yesterday, but the pain is still at the same level. I'm caught in my thoughts now, questioning things. I still miss him, but I don't have the courage to message him, and I knew I shouldn't. 

I have started making notes (yes I have notes aside from the lengthy voice notes 😂) on the things that I wanted to "report" in the future. I'm actually worried now about that scenario, because I don't know if I would be able to handle it. I'm not sure how I will react if I get to see him again. This caused some feeling of anxiety again, but I refocused my energy to just focus on the now. One step at a time, self. Remember that.

I am slowly doing the process of stepping back and seeing the relationship for what it was. I was able to note things that I have observed that I was not fully aware of because I was in the middle of it. Now that I'm looking at our relationship from a different perspective, I am now understanding the point that he was raising during our talk three days ago. Now I'm really understanding where he was coming from.

There really are positives and negatives with this experience. But, I really want to highlight the positive things that are coming out of this journey.

I am forming a deeper relationship with my friends. I got to express to them my rawest raw of emotions, and they also returned them back with very heartfelt messages of comfort. 

I am feeling more compassionate. I feel like I now know better how to comfort someone that is struggling emotionally, because now I know how it feels to be in pain. I am now better equipped to help others in this aspect. 

I am forming tighter bonds with my family, especially with the women. I'm having conversations with my mom, sister, and niece that I've never had before. Because of this, I am feeling closer to them.

I got reconnected with my faith. 🕊️ In my opinion, my faith with God didn't really go away but I think through this experience, it transformed into something more solid and intentional. I am explicitly expressing my thoughts through prayers and words, not just feelings of gratitude and wishes sitting in my subconscious.

I am now seeing this experience as a gift. I have more compassion now, having been in touch with a larger range of human emotions. One of my friends even congratulated me. "Congrats for experiencing your first heartbreak!" I felt like I had earned a new badge. If life was an RPG, I just have gained a significant number of EXP points that I will surely be able to use on the next stages of my life. 

As much as there were negatives, there are still the positive things. And I want to focus on that. ✨