It's been two and a half years since I've been introduced to the culture of Korean pop. I remember it was not an accident. My housemates made me watch videos of a boyband group that I later learned to be Dong Bang Shin Ki, and that started my fandom. In any interest that you might be in, it really helps if there is someone whom you can share it with because it intensifies the passion that you have for it, and inspires you to do more. My experiences in the fandom proved just that.
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| DBSK performing in their concert in South Korea |
During my junior years in college, my roommates and I would stay up all night to watch random youtube videos of the boys. Those are such good memories. My housemates would be screaming with glee whenever their bias' face would be flashed on the screen. I would just stare nonchalantly, because I was not that expressive with my fangirling feelings (but actually I'm also squealing in joy inside xD).
Having kpop in my life had a great impact. It gave me inspiration, and it distracted me from thinking too much about certain things. It helped me go on with life, and it served as a stress reliever especially during the thesis period in my final year of college. It also helped me gain a wider circle of friends. DBSK fans call themselves Cassiopeia or just Cassies. Their presence are very evident, especially online in the forums and fansites of the boyband. I gained several new friends that I regularly talk online, and also some that I've met in real life. I also became part of a circle called Dong Bang Islands (DBI).
Fast-forwarding to the present, I still like the group. Even though it was a roller-coaster ride of the emotions, I really enjoyed it. I have never imagined myself religiously following a group until I met DBSK. I mean, I never thought I would become hooked with a band and be one of those die-hard fans who would really cry (like literally sob) if they get to see their idols in real life. Before, I find those crowd ridiculous and out of their mind. Hell yeah, I've joined the group and now I am one of those who are crazy about their idols.
Well I was not totally a 'crazy' fan for them. I liked their music, that's the first thing. If it was not for their good music and their passion about it, I would just be a fan for a short while and then forget them eventually. It just helped that they also have good looks and dancing skills and great body, and... yeah the list can go on and on. I've realized just now that the group split-up might also be one of the factors why I followed the group. Everyone likes some bit of drama into their life once in a while, and this is a huge one. I was curious on how the group will cope after the split and as expected, they still did great. Now that everything is stablizing (HoMin has successfuly established the two-group unit of TVXQ, JYJ busy with each of their own dramas and musicals, Junsu releasing his first solo album) and the drama hype is also toning down. I'm happy that the five of them are doing great right now. I've been with them (well virtually) during the toughest moments of their lives. Now that everything seems already okay, it feels like it's time to move on.
The first step that I did was I erased all the videos and music of other kpop bands that I have in my external hard drive and my media player. Of course in KPOP, it can't be helped that you would get to listen to other bands as well. I also got to like some of them but now I just wanted to push them all aside so that DBSK will have all my undivided attention. And then after some time, I decided to delete some DBSK songs too. They released many songs and I admit I didn't get to like every single one of them. I erased the songs that didn't connect to me much, which leaves 'the best of DBSK' in my playlist. But even though I have selected the songs that I liked, I just couldn't have myself listen to them anymore. After the tragic event in DBI, it left a gaping hole in my chest. I was hurt too much. I decided to become inactive first in the group until my feelings subsided.
I started to listen to English songs. I realized I didn't know any of the mainstream songs today. I listened to radio more. Surprisingly, I began to like the songs. It was like a breath of fresh air. It really has that difference when you actually understand the lyrics of the song. Actually, this is the first question that my friends ask me when they learn that I'm into KPOP. They would ask "Do you actually understand the songs?" Of course my answer is no, because I don't speak Korean. I just learn the meaning of the songs through translations. Now that I'm listening to songs that I actually understand, I felt I like music more this way. I thought of letting go of KPOP. It's not my thing anymore.
However, just like with everything else, things are easier said than done. I'm having a hard time because I'm entangled to this foreign culture. I learned that I have to do this slowly. I'm growing up, and there are changes in priorities. Eventually I will need to stop all of these. It will be difficult because KPOP has been my haven for the past three years. Well the time has come to move on. But this does not mean that I would forget all about what happened. Memories don't change. I just have to say I'm happy I've met them because they have really changed my life. But for now, 안녕히가세요. :)
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