Life Logs: That Past Two Weeks

January 25, 2019

Here I am again on a Friday night, alone with my thoughts (minus the wine 🍷 this time!). There were a lot of things that happened recently that significantly moved me emotionally. And so again, I run to this blog to pour out all my thoughts and feelings because I needed to, else these might eat me from the inside. 😵

A huge change happened in the workplace that affected me significantly. I didn't see it coming and I think this will change the course of things moving forward. My emotions are all over the place, and I guess it holds the same for everyone in the team. There will be negative impacts, but like other things in life, it helps to have a positive mindset on all of these changes. I am honestly grateful of my movement, and I am looking forward to working with this group of people. Although they are almost the same familiar faces, the demands will change, and everything will be fast-paced. It is a challenge for all of us. We are currently on a make-it-or-break-it position, but  I know I will do my all to give the best output possible.

In the first few days after the announcement, I was in a stage filled with self-depreciating thoughts. I have known myself as my worst enemy, and that version of me is lashing out its aces on me telling me lots of terrible stuff. And yes, the impostor syndrome is in full bloom. But again, just like what has been said in this speech, surrounding yourself with positive people helps. Through a series of heart-to-heart talks, my self-doubts stopped attacking me, which is just awesome.

Another life lesson I learned recently is the importance of open communication. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but I guess because I didn't set the expectations of the other person, our aspirations clashed HARD. I have never felt so frustrated with something. I received a reaction that I didn't expect, and I wished right there and there that I didn't bother doing anything about it. If only I could undo things. 😐 I still don't know what's going to happen. I have a feeling I will have regrets. 😩

Talking about interacting with people, I just realized how important it is to have someone who challenges your ideas, forcibly taking you out of your comfort zone. I think that's the only way you can grow as a person. It will strengthen your character and make you reconsider some decisions and statements. It will be difficult, but you will learn. 

On some personal stuff, I have to say I discovered a new way to spend my "me time" the best way possible. I've turned myself back to reading physical books, latest purchase is The Light Between Worlds by Laura Weymouth (yuh I bought another one, even though I haven't finished reading half of my 2017 book haul). I guess I wanted to go back to my innocent childhood, back to when everything felt like a fairytale. I want to get justification why as adults we can't experience that same magic again. Also, I want to do more cafe hopping like I used to do last year. I think I will do that during my upcoming adventure. 😉

Another self-discovery is my pet peeve for people who don't reply to my messages. 😂 I can't control it. And oh, I hate using Facebook Messenger. Being seenzoned is the worst. This is why I greatly appreciate this person I got to talk to recently. It's refreshing to interact with someone who always had something to say / comment about everything I said. I figured I like that kind of interaction.

A lot has changed during the first month of this year! Oh 2019, what else have you got in store for me? I read on the Chinese horoscope that this is going to be a tough year for me. Chinese New Year is still two weeks away, so I guess all of these are just some pre-event stuff? But if the output of all of these is a stronger me, then life, bring it on! (Just do it gently please? 😅). 

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