Q1 2021 Goals Evaluation

April 11, 2021

 The first quarter of the year was like a roller coaster ride. During the first half I was brimming with hope and dreams for the year. Then during the latter half, my motivation just plummeted into an all-time low, to the point that I deeply contemplated what even was my purpose for living, and what kind of future awaits me. And so as I come face-to-face with the goals that I have set during the start of the year, I felt so disassociated with them, like I'm reading a stranger's thoughts and aspirations. I am still slowly bringing back my interest in life in general, and so I'm approaching this quarter's evaluation with self-compassion in mind.


🛑 Career - research, plan, execute
I was 100% sure that I would accomplish this within this year. I already have my timeline and all the checklist at hand, but something happened that crushed all of my motivation. I am still slowly recovering from the downfall (?) as a stronger and more honest version of myself. Like a Windows Task Manager, I unceremoniously ended all the tasks in progress related to this goal. I'm still not sure where I will go from here, but I'm slowly collecting the pieces, with all the lessons learned, and slowly reconstructing my life map. But just like what a friend has told me, these things needed to happen. I'm genuinely trying to process my emotions, because my defense mechanism was automatically kicking in, burying these feelings until I become numb, and pretending nothing has happened. I'm slowly trying to unlearn this habit of mine, because most of the time it doesn't really solve the problem. It's currently a very uncomfortable process, but I'm learning a lot. 

🏆 Financial - enroll in that program
I successfully finished this one. Yay!

🏃‍♀️ Personal Development - brush up piano skills
I think I was able to seal one milestone for this one, with this recording. Although I have to say I haven't touched the keyboard to seriously practice since then. I'm now on E of my covers list, and I still have not locked in the song that I will cover next. 😅

🏃‍♀️ Spiritual - finish the book
Huh, I really left out this one. I picked up and finished a lot of books this quarter, but not this one. Okay, I need to place this on my bedside table to remind me to read it at night.

🏃‍♀️ Educational - take online courses for the relevant skills
I did enroll in all the courses, but I wasn't able to finish all of them. I'll have to make this a priority since I have already aborted the first goal.

🏃‍♀️ Relationship - connect more with my folks
This will always be a work in progress, and I'm grateful that I became aware of how I'm isolating myself even to the people that are closest to me. Imagine being in quarantine with them, but there would be days that I would have interacted more with my cats than with my folks. I have identified the gaps, like I always lock myself away in my room even during weekends, and the fact that we don't really eat together, which I have become very accustomed with already. I noticed that I always just resorted to listening to podcasts as my way of having some sort of company while eating at the dining table. Now I see to it that I drop everything that I'm doing and join my folks at the dining table when I hear them eating there. I am also always in search for new recipes to cook, so that I could connect with them more through other means. I love my folks to bits, and life is fragile (especially these days) and so I'm more conscious now on how I spend time with them. I know they know that I care for them (because my primary giving love language is service), but I want to do more ways to connect with them. 💓

🛑 Physical and Health - do intermittent fasting on weekdays | exercise on weekends
I was able to consistently do this for most of the quarter, but when my health collapsed during the last week of March, I reassessed these habits. As of now, I have stopped doing these because I could feel my body still recovering. I think I'll have to revise the way I approach my methods of losing weight.

I honestly don't know how to feel anymore, in terms of my direction in life in general. I need the next quarter to remove all the noise and focus my mind on things that are important to me. So I guess I'll spend the next three months doing lots of self-reflection, and hopefully I will be back in Q3 with a more concrete plan at hand.


~o~

Legend:
🏆 Finished
🏃‍♀️ Still in Progress
🛑 Aborted

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