I Don't Know About You, But I'm Feeling...

December 31, 2021

 32.


It's surreal to associate myself with this number, but then again, it's just a number. Since reaching that age milestone, things don't seem to matter that much. For sure again and again, there are certain expectations from society for women who are in this age -- most commonly that of having a family, and even a child (or two) already. But I guess I'm just paving my own path, especially in that aspect. I do wish to have a family and children of my own someday, but again and again, the Universe reminds me that those are things that should not be sought after. They will just happen at the right time. But of course, there are times that I become washed by negative emotions. I just let myself feel them. I tell myself that these feelings are valid, and I just allow myself to process them. Then at the end of the day, I go on and face life in a stronger and more positive perspective.

On my Instagram and Twitter bio, I have this quote written:

"I'd rather be a ticking bomb than a fading light. "
- Royal Concept

They're lyrics from one of the songs that I absolutely loved years ago. It's my life's anthem back then. I have shared the meaning of this passage to another soul (the same one whom I confided about my tattoo plans back then), and I still remember the question he posed after hearing my explanation about my outlook in life back then. What if it doesn't happen? What if you continue to grow older?  I didn't know how to answer that back then. I was startled and cornered, because I never considered the other possible option. But now that I'm on that stage already, the answer just came naturally to me. It's the same one written on my Facebook bio:

"Pursue things that make you happy."

I don't know from whom this quote is, but this has been my life mantra for the past several years. And with my recent life experiences, I have realized that the journey will always be more important than the destination. The saying above has become my north star. There's no end goal with life. We won't make it out alive all the same (just I like how Delamar, one of the hosts of Eve's Drop podcast, said it). It's all about experiencing many things out of life, especially those that bring you joy. If it means going towards an unfamiliar path in life, then so be it. 

Universe, thank you for the gift of life. There might have been times down my path when I broached otherwise, but now I am and will always be and sincerely be. Cheers. 🥂

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