I have yet to see the moon in person this month. Come to think of it, I haven't had the time to even look up and just stare aimlessly at the sky. I blame it on my schedule, and the current location where I'm at is not really that conducive for some kind of sky watching. Hmm hey look at me, I think I'm just blabbering excuses. If I really wanted it, I would find a way. 😅

As I continue this practice that I have started since the first quarter of the moon this month, I am writing, this time, to celebrate the full moon in Taurus. According to Astrology, Taurus energy is all about stability and grounding, and oh boy, how true that is for this reading. Let's get it on. ♉

Right before this reading session, I sat down and "tried to play" the piano. I have always been inconsistent with this hobby of mine, and as a result, most of the pieces that I want to learn are left unfinished and then I move on to new pieces. I wanted to learn Celesital Serenade (Love and Deepspace OST) and Coffee (Chappell Roan). I got my hands on the music sheets of both songs. For the first one, and with just the first measure of the score, I felt overwhelmed and switched pieces. 😅

This scenario was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the card. Then I realized a pattern. I have come to describe myself as an autodidact. And the learning just goes on and on, because the world is your oyster, right? 🦪 In this card spread, I guess this surfaced as a problem because I feel frustrated and overwhelmed if I become unsuccessful in teaching myself something.

This card depicts a man wearing a crown, with a glass of martini in his hand. He is sitting on a throne, and he's giving a fulfillment kind of energy. I would think he has accomplished something big and so he is in a celebratory mood. This seems to be a positive card, but since it appeared as the root cause for this spread, I'm interpreting it this way -- I always have this drive to accomplish and fulfill a lot of things in life, that's why I really go out of my way to learn new things. I have heard a lot of people tell me that they see potential in me on something. Well, I'm tired of hearing that statement. I want to finally convert that potential energy to kinetic energy (LOL) and to actually accomplish something tangible into the world. 

I used to feed myself with a lot of narratives about myself, most of them self-deprecating. 

"I'm not skilled enough. This is why I still have not received my next level promotion at work. I need to try harder."

"I'm a shy person. I don't talk enough."

"I'm a person with low self-esteem because of the traumas of my past."

"Nobody finds me attractive enough to be pursued seriously."

See, it's all negative talk. Looking at the Nine of Cups card, I saw myself as that person with those glasses as the poisons that I am forced to feed. Meanwhile, the Wheel of Fortune represents life's unpredictability. I'm in my stage of my life wherein I feel like I'm at the edge of a cliff, anxious that someone/something will push me off and I will fall to my demise. There's an uneasiness that lingers every day, and it does make sense with my current situation. You see, the Universe knows how grateful I am to have my parents around. They are my pillar, my support, and also the anchor that pulls me to survive. My world revolves around them (and my cats, I guess?). I recognize that both of them are in the dusk of their lives already and each day I spend with them is a gift from the Heavens. It's reality that I will outlive them (most likely, unless...). When that happens, I will be alone. I will outlive even my cats. That feeling of dread, facing that situation, overwhelms me.😔(And this is why I feel it to the core of my heart when I sing John Mayer's Love Song for No One in the karaoke🎤.  I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here 😹😿)

These two factors -- all the negative talk and my life situation -- are the driving forces why I aspire to learn a lot and accomplish a lot of things in life. I am changing the stories that I'm telling myself by doing activities that will allow me to upskill to the next level. I want to become self-sufficient because I need to be miss independent (while waiting for my husband to enter my life 😅). I recognize that having to-do lists each day is my coping mechanism to have a sense of control in my life. This is my way of feeling secure.

Whew. I felt like I unloaded a can of worms there. 😅 Good thing is that the cards offer a solution. 😁 These two cards are telling me to identify and reflect my life compass. What is my "north star"? What do I want to get out of this life? I need to establish this with myself so that I could evaluate which achievements align with my life purpose. Also, regardless of what I find during this reflection, I have to always include the goal of giving back to the community. We humans are mortals and have limited time in this world. The simplest gift I can give is showing acts of kindness to others. If there's a way for me to make one person's life easier, let me be an instrument. Besides, we are all just specks of dust in this vast vast universe, with a lifespan of just a blink of an eye compared to the stars. The most I can offer is just be kind to others as we all walk this journey of life. Through these spectacles, life will become more fulfilling for me. On my deathbed, I will be confident to declare that I had a life worth living.

My overly self-critical inner voice will be in the way. I might feel discouraged with achieving my goals. Also, I have a tendency to do all of the things on my own. I have to learn where my boundaries are and ask help from others if needed. I can't do all things on my own, and I have to recognize that there are people that are willing to help.

The card depicts a girl holding a globe. You go girl! You got this! I feel that the card's message is that I will be okay. Things will be alright in the end. Things might feel uncertain right now but when I get to this place and look back, I will recognize and connect the dots that led to my success. I will become grounded and connected to my life purpose.

The pentacle suit alludes with earthly resources like money. So when I saw this card, I immediately thought --- I will become rich! 🤣If having tons of money will allow me to give back to the community, I will own this destiny! 💸💸💸 Lots of people want to be rich, but it's also worthwhile to think about the "why", right? Also aside from money (LOL), I'm receiving this message that I will reap the fruits of my hard work, and that is really a reassuring thought. 🙏

I would say that people will have opinions about a mid-30s childless cat lady. With no potential husband or even a boyfriend in the horizon, you can just imagine what bunch of questions get thrown at me during family reunions. 😅 Thankfully, I'm learning about the skill of artful dodge in Toastmasters. That will surely be helpful during those conversations.

I have several action points with this reading, huh. The outstanding one is determining my "north star." 🌟 I really have to think about that one. As always, I'm grateful for the opportunity to reflect on these things. ✨

[EDIT: The night after posting this, I saw the moon. 🥰 I woke up in the middle of the night and happened to turn my head towards the window. And there I saw Luna, shining majestically in the sky. I saw her through that gap between our house's and neighbor's roofs. It was a serendipitous moment. What were the chances of me waking up during that few-minutes window time that the moon was peeking through that gap? It surely felt so magical. ✨]