A Week of Reflection [❁]

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

[T\N: I started to write this entry last January 08, 2012]

This week, I decided to informally participate in Victory's Seven Days of Prayer and Fasting. I already participated in their fasting in the year 2010. Together with one boardmate, we prayed and fasted for 7 days. That week may well have been one of the most peaceful weeks I've had for that year. :)

Starting the year right...


I am a self-confessed twitter addict. All of my friends can also account to that. I tweet almost everything that comes to mind -- what I'm doing, an idea that popped to mind, something that I saw interesting, something that I read interesting, something that I heard interesting, something that I smelled interesting... well you get the picture.

Also since I am a programmer, I am almost always online at work. Even so, I still go online when I arrive at home to read updates on blog (dbsknights, allkpop, cause I'm a kpop fan), twitter (obviously), a little of facebook (coz I don't really don't go there anymore... I am starting to hate that place), and on manga (Dengeki Daisy! <3). My mother always tells me to limit my time doing these. I seldom listen to her. Thankfully, it's still not necessary for me to wear glasses.

THIS WEEK WILL BE DIFFERENT. As part of my fasting, I won't go for twitter in a week. I know this may exert just some miniscule effort to be considered as fasting. BUT, it doesn't end there.


 I won't go online when I go home. I will turn off my phone's wifi at home.
*I remembered it's not effective to use negative tones in laying out goals. :D*

I WILL interact more to people at home and in the workplace to know them better.
Usually, members of my team are all wired in (hey I learned this term in that Facebook movie :D) so we just talk minimally in the office. Also at home, even during weekends, I just stay most of the time in my room because I am doing at least two of the following -- twitter-ing, blogging, crying over those Korean dramas, lol-ling on Korean variety shows, or just plain simple surfing the internet.

I will meditate every night.
I've always attempted to make this a habit. However eveytime I do this at night, I end up sleeping. It's just that I'm too exhausted at work that I already needed some rest. Well this week, that won't count as an excuse because in the mean time, overtime work is not required (which means I can go home early).*** I've got audio files that can assist in meditation already, so doing this would be easier for me this time around (hopefully).

No rice this week.  One rice meal a day for this week.****
This is not some kind of diet okay! >:D I don't believe that changing your way of eating will affect your weight because you should do some exercise too. This is also an unhealthy way because it will upset your stomach due to the sudden change. Well this 'diet' that I'm going to do is for the spiritual aspect. Hmm for me it's a little complicated to explain the connection of not eating to spiritual growth. I suggest you just read this


To quote something from the Victory page, "Fasting breaks unhealthy addictions in our lives."


Let this week start!
May God's grace be with me.


***I wrote this at the start of the week and I got this one very wrong because it turned out as the exact opposite.
****I guess I would be sticking to a one-day meal... I couldn't afford the liquid-fasting. thing. xD




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[T\N: The following contains random thoughts and realizations during my days of fasting.]

Bridging New Connections
Monday, January 9 - First Day

Good News

In my honest opinion, the teachings of Christianity are too lax that's why followers don't have that strong discipline practiced in their lives. It's really up to you to take the teachings of this religion seriously. But I guess deep inside of each one of us, we sincerely want to follow the Teachings, it's just that the temptations are too strong and we easily give in to them.


- Several wonderful things happened today that doesn't typically occur in a normal day. First one is that I was able to interact with people whom I don't usually see or interact with (yay, I somehow satisfied my one goal right there. :D). I was able to talk with an officemate that I seldom talk to. Well this is because I was asking her some questions about a new task. But aside from that, I developed this certain warmness towards her. I find her intimidating that's why I don't normally talk to her. Today, I somehow broke that ice between us.

The second person was again one of my colleagues. When we passed each other at the corridor, we both smiled. We don't usually acknowledge each other when we meet but surprisingly today was different. It gave me a nice feeling afterwards. :)

The third person was someone that several people say was a bad person. I've heard several unpleasant things about her. But I don't see her that way really. I mean I don't think she's that bad. Anyways, she's so jolly when she talked to me today.

The fourth person was someone that I haven't seen for some time. He's someone that helped me become what I am today as a programmer. He was my first "boss" actually. He's no longer associated with company and he just happened to pass by the office. He approached me and asked how I've been, what's my current project, etc. Even if it's only small talk, I greatly appreciated it.

- The other "unusual thing" happened on a game. I regularly play at gameofnerds.com. I have always wanted to reach that one final question after the difficult level. Well this time I did, and I answered correctly. Yay! At the end of the game, I made 3 accomplishments that added to my profile (I know this is a bit kind of shallow, but there's a crucial message for me behind this  -- see the reflection part).

- Another thing happened today! I've learned something new about one of my colleagues. I've been wonderin' about it for sometime and now I've finally confirmed that my intuition is true. :D So cool.

- I was also touched by another friend of mine who called me up to ask if I wanted to buy something in a store that she happens to drop by after work. I mentioned to her last week that I wanted to buy some white boards. ^__^ She bought some for me today. Hehe thank you!

- Another friend (I have lots of good friends, I just realized today), whom I regulary exchange text messages with, talked to me about the similarity of the dreams that her sister and me had. I had a bad dream about her months ago. Last night, it's her sister who had one about her again. She was a little bothered by it. I told her not to worry about it too much because dreams are only dreams. It won't harm you really, unless you let it to. :)

- In addition to this, another friend, whom I became teammates with in a previous project and got along really well, sent me a text message that she was with this guy that I used to like at our client site. She was telling me that she wished I was still there with her in that project (we have different projects now) so that I could interact with my crush. Hehe. I think all of that is so childish. xD

- I liked the feeling of a simple thank you given to me today. Also a little warmness was showed to me by an unexpected person.

- Also, I really loved how my playlist helped me relax throughout the day. ^^

(So many blessings today. Yay. Thank you. ^_^)

- This would be a tough week for our team. All deliverables should be done by Monday next week so we need to work double-time for this week. Hope we reach a happy ending for this. AJA!~


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Dreams and Melodies
Tuesday, January 10 - Second Day

Christ in Me

I really don't buy the idea of equating your works for the grace that you must receive from God.

- Two unfortunate events happened today. It concerned people who are close to me. Again, it is always good to remember that health is wealth and that material things won't last in this life.

- I really love the message of Switchfoot's Gone. The song has a very great message about life.   


She told him she'd rather fix her make-up
Than try to fix what's going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cell phone gone

She told him she believes in living
Bigger than she's living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And upside-down

Don't say so-long, you're not that far gone
Don't spend today away
'Cause today will soon be

Gone
Like yesterday is gone
Like history is gone
Just try and prove me wrong
And pretend like you're immortal

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow brings us
One step closer to the edge
Infinity
Where's your treasure, where's your hope
If you get the world and lose your soul?
She pretends like she pretends like she's immortal

Don't say so-long, and throw yourself wrong
This could be your big chance to make-up
Today will soon be

Gone
Like yesterday is gone
Like history is gone
The world keeps spinning on
You're going, going, gone
Like summer break is gone
Like Saturday is gone
Just try and prove me wrong
And pretend like you're immortal

We are not infinite
We are not permanent
Nothing is immediate
And we pretend like we're immortal
We are so confident in our accomplishments
Look at our decadence

Gone
Like Frank Sinatra
Like Elvis and his mom
Like Al Pacino's cash, nothing lasts in this life
My high school dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn't last for long

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred-dollar bills and roto-tom fills
Life is more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings end up in wills
We've got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our convenient Lexus cages?

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow
Brings us close to a God who's never short of cash
Hey Bono, I'm glad you asked
Life is still worth living.
Life is still worth living.

It played on my player today on the bus on my way to work. What a great way to start the day. :D
- Along my way to work, I saw this pine-like tree with needle leaves along the side of the road. I saw it as if it's the first time that I did. But actually it was always there on that road. I noticed it just now because I gave extra attention to things. For at most 22 years I've been passing through that road, but it was only today that I was able to to absorb it's existence. It made me realize that I might also be taking other things for granted. :O

- I dreamed of the word 'EOS' written in white letters on a blue background, with icons on each side. I talked about this to my sister. She said that she was planning to buy a Canon EOS camera. Maybe this was it. :O

- I think now I will learn the essence of teamwork.

- I've also realized today that you are really not bound to like everyone. Just avoid those people that you just don't get along with well. :|

- So many things are happening... I hope we can surpass all these hindrances...

- I talked about some things with a colleague about our current situation. Then I realized a lot of things. There is really something wrong.

- I realized that I should just really do my best.

- The feeling of giving out something for others will always be the best feeling. There should be no regrets about it. ^^

- I think a friend of mine needs some help... I hope there's a way that I could reach out to her..  


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 Rules and Standards
Wednesday, January 11 - Third Day

Continuing Faith



"How do we live out this Christian life?"
This made me think about a lot of things. Several things about my faith has changed. I've been searching for a church that will have parallel values as mine. Fortunately, I found one and I am doing my way towards being involved in that church.  I think a person who doesn't know Jesus, or has not seen or read the Bible, can still please God. He has his own way of judging people, which is way different to man's standards. :)


- Along my way to work, I met a dad with her daughter, around two years old I think, in piggyback. I suddenly remembered my big bro and his daughter. Brother is currently overseas because of work for several months now and his daughter is with us. I know my bro misses his daughter a lot. :(

- I was able to catch up a few minutes of my favorite morning talk show on radio because I came to work earlier than usual. :)

- From now on, I should be stronger. Remember, I told myself exactly that on that fateful night. I should have learned from experience. :)

- Here comes one bigger struggle,  bigger temptation. Haha. Gooo~ I accept the challenge. :) (And at the end of the day, I did not give in to temptation. Yay!)


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 Peace of Solitude
Thursday, January 12 - Fourth Day

Covenant Heirs

- I was listening on my player on the bus on my way to work. Suprisingly, I guessed the next song to be played in my player (it's in shuffle, and it has around 800+ songs so this was really something). I was amazed. Haha ESP I guess. Speaking of that, I recently watched on TV this guy named David Blaine. He's such a good street magician. I am close to believing that he's a geniune one and he could do all these things because he could control his mind well. Now I'm really motivated to take my yoga and meditation sessions seriously. :D

 - I realized today that I dislike commanding people/leading people.. I'd rather be a follower than a leader.

- Suddenly, music becomes so pleasing to the ears. Seems my plalylist is cooperating with me. :) Thank you. This is gonna be a long night.

- Thank you God. This is such a happy week. I didn't really expect that certain circumstance. Even if there's nothing really into it now, I'm still happy. As I was living that moment, I didn't get that high anymore. At least now I'm pretty sure that I'm no longer kept with that feeling anymore. And then again at the end, I realized the sad reality that we are no longer connected like before. :(

- It was my first time to render overnight work in our new office. It was not as bad as I've thought of it. Although a feeling of loneliness creeped into me. 

Alone with the server. :O
I've realized many things during those hours of solitude. Suprisingly, I did not feel sleepy AT ALL. I waited as minutes passed by until it was 5:00AM and it was safe again to travel outside. Finally when I went home, I saw the breaking dawn... my Friday the 13th sunrise, which I consider a lucky one for me.



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 Conclusion
Friday, January 13 - Fifth Day


Free to Love

- This is the time when I would really be standing for myself, something that I've haven't really experienced so far. :)

- I lied. I told someone a white lie. Any way you put it, it's still is a lie, and it's wrong. In the situation, it was necessary to do it. I feel troubled that I needed to tell something like that, but it can't be helped. :(

- For me, fasting ends this day.  



Reflection:

It really depends on the one that holds you. Think of it this way --  all of us are pencils, and God is one great artist. With God, you can create wonderful pieces of art that you never think that could exist.

Also with all these things that happened, I can't really thank Him enough. The belief "If you follow Him, everything will follow" may have been true after all. ^_^


Beyond the week:

It's been one of those week wherein I had a quiet and peaceful mind. I would continue to tune out to outside distractions and focus on the most important things.




 




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