I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)

November 30, 2018

A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships, The 1975's third album, just got released this midnight. At the strike of 12AM November 30, I refreshed my Spotify app to see the new white square album cover art added on the band's page. As I listened to each of the tracks (with closed eyes and my hands gently tugging my heart), I knew I needed to do another track-by-track review of the album, just like what I did for ILIWYSFYASBYSUOI. However when Track 15, entitled I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes), played and the first 20 seconds kicked in, I knew I just hit something. As the song ended, I knew this deserves its own post.

When I heard the intro, I felt my heartbeat skip. I always cherish that first time of hearing a song because it's so precious. It will only happen once. That amazing moment applied for this song. It's like falling in love at first hear (😦?). Upon second listen, I looked up the lyrics on Genius, and I felt even more mesmerized. Mad respect for the band.

I admit I myself has flirted with the idea. The feelings were stronger at some of those periods, but I guess I have learned to tame the emotions brought by my own brain's illusions. "But your death it won't happen to you. It happens to your family and your friends." Since that theme has always been with me for years, I've learned to befriend and manage it. I even gave our relationship a theme song. Having that song as the central message of what I felt didn't really give a positive outlook about things. Although it felt cathartic sometimes, I knew it was not right.

Well I have to say this song has owned me the second I played it. I knew the time has come to change perspective. In this song, Matty Healy, the band's frontman, acknowledges the presence of darkness. He has always been open with his struggles with his inner demons, and has been fighting them ever since he went to rehab late last year. Through this song, it's like he is saying that he has accepted this as a fact of life, but still sees that gleam of hope in the horizon. And that, that is the kind of outlook I want to have, and this song embodies just that.  It's wonderful that it's placed as the last song of the album. This is the message that the band wants to leave to their fans.

If you can't survive; just try

The effect of this song among the fans has been massive (although it's just been hours). Reading this reddit post brought me ugly tears while appreciating the message of this song even more.

This is another wonderful craft from the band. Thank you. 


All I can say is this band has stemmed its roots deep into my life. I'll forever be grateful for the courage I had to take that leap of faith to see them on my own in a concert back in 2015 (which started my lone concert adventures). Hopefully I get to hear this song performed live. 💓

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