Oh yes, this is another post about the breakup.😅I know it feels dragging already, but here I am still writing about it (and I still do have some more posts in the backlog).  I feel like I'm going to talk about this over and over until I get tired, until I reach the point where I won't feel anything anymore. I won't feel the pain anymore. I compare this process with emptying a toothpaste tube. I'm squeezing all the pain out of my system until everything just becomes a neutral memory. I even have this process, when emptying an actual toothpaste tube, wherein if I couldn't squeeze out anything from the tube anymore, I cut it in half crosswise and scoop out every bit of toothpaste inside. This is the metaphor that I want to use in this healing process that I am going through.

Compared to a few weeks back, I would say that things have gotten better, and it's true that things do get better. There is still hope, and there is still the next morning; there is still a new beginning for every ending that happens.

This weekend, I returned for the first time to the place where the disentanglement happened. I was a bit worried about this because I didn't know how I would physically react. Seeing the building from afar, as my Grab car approached (I still have not driven alone since it happened because I still don't trust myself to be emotionally stable behind the wheel ahahaha), I felt a knot in my chest.

I believe humans imprint energies in a place, may it be good or bad. This is why there is a physical reaction when returning to that same place.

As I went past these spots, I can't help but still feel a weight of sadness. I tried to imagine us during those moments. I just had that longing to hug my past self, the version of me who was crying and breaking down, as she tried to process the things that were unfolding that night. I want to hug her and assure her that everything will be alright. 🫂

I got to visit more spots the next day, and as expected, there's still that twinge of pain in my chest. Memories of hushed and intimate conversations came back to me.

I will always pass through these places when I go home from work, and I pray that when I return again to these places, I would just feel neutral. It would just all feel like a dream that happened a long time ago.

If given a chance, I would like to return to all the places that I had some memories within and create new memories at those places. We've visited a lot of beautiful places around the metro, so I guess this is going to be a long journey.

I never thought that I would process things this way. I guess this is my coping mechanism at work. I will write about this over and over again. I will just write until there's no pain anymore. That's when I will know that I am finally healed and have moved on.