For weeks now, my friends and I have been eager to visit this particular café in Makati because it has appeared several times in our social media feeds. I am talking about Sulok Coffee. What initially caught our attention was the interesting aesthetics. The place is already a vibe for us, so we were keen into trying their coffee and other food they offer.

When we first attempted to go there in the afternoon, it was crowded (I guess because they have gone viral) and since it is just a small café, the place is easily cramped. However, the second time's a charm! We tried again and went around lunch this time (between 11AM and 12PM) and we were relieved to see that the amount of people inside was tolerable (and did not overwhelm us introverts HAHA).

Sulok Coffee is located at one of the buildings in Legazpi, Makati. At first glance, you wouldn't think that there would be a cozy cafe inside. Thanks to these signs (and of course the social media posts that we have seen online), it was then easy for us to locate the hidden gem, that is the coffee shop, inside.

Upon entering, it's as if we went through a different dimension since the vibe of the café is very different compared to the building itself. The owners of the coffee shop did a great job designing it to have a very chill atmosphere. Speaking of the owner, we were greeted by the owner himself of Sulok Coffee. I forgot his name, but he looked like a foreigner but spoke really good Filipino. He welcomed us and asked if it was our first time, and we said yes. He explained the different coffee options available, and also explained their pastries. He even introduced us to the bartenders. 😁He was so welcoming to all the customers. 

I chose to order the Manila Sky, which is espresso with milk, dark honey, aromatic spices, and cinnamon. We also ordered some tiramisu. Thanks to my friend for treating me to their coffee and pastries. 😁

I felt like I was in a Table Topics marathon because our friend threw mind-blogging questions one after another. Amazingly, I immediately had answers for it. I guess through the questions that were asked, I was able to acknowledge the fact that I'm currently a bit lost in life. 😅Why am I still here? What's my life purpose? During this session, I was able to throw out my answer to the Universe and I believe I will be receiving the answers in the coming days/weeks/months to come. I don't know when, but I am sure that I will receive the answer soon.

Since my prayer request then was for me to have more focus on my current goals, the main takeaway that I gained from our conversations today is: intentionally remove myself from all the noise and have a scheduled quiet time wherein I will just journal, meditate, pray, and connect myself to the Universe/God/Higher Being. This session really was a wakeup call for me to always turn to God, reminding myself that amidst all the noise of the world, I can turn to Him and find rest in Him. 🙏

C.S. Lewis was also repeatedly mentioned in the video that we watched. He's one of my favorite authors. Immediately after our session, I downloaded his book "Mere Christianity" on my Kindle (which costs less than a dollar! What a steal!) because I was curious about what he has to say about the topic. I love his Narnia series, which had a lot of Christian themes. I also bought one of his books from the Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) this year so I felt like this is another opportunity to read more of his works.

This was our first session, and what a nice way to spend my Sunday morning! It felt like therapy to me. We'll be planning to meet up more in the future and I anticipate that I will be learning more about myself and what I really want out of this life. ✨

~o~

The Alpha Series | Official Website

"Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis | Amazon (Kindle Version)

My history with Vanessa Carlton goes way way back to the MTV days when I was fascinated with that traveling piano music video. From elementary through high school, I followed her music journey. "Heroes and Thieves" had been the anthem of my college years. For me, Vanessa Carlton is way more than that artist behind "A Thousand Miles." 🥰

I almost had the chance to see her during her last visit to the country in 2008. I was accompanied by my sister. Unfortunately, we arrived late for the show, and all we saw was the piano on stage (😭). I overheard people around us talking about her performance, how she was amazing on the piano. Imagine, it's been more than 10 years! And finally this year, she's coming back to Manila for a show. ✨

So really, when I heard about this concert, I knew I had to be there. Usually, with concerts that I attend, I secure my tickets as soon as they go on sale because I want to get the best seats in the house. However, for this concert, because of some reason, I didn't feel the urge to buy right away. Up until the month of the concert (November), I was still contemplating whether I should go. And then the week before concert day, I have decided that nah, I will have to pass again.

But, the Universe had other plans. I saw, days before the concert, that the promoters will be holding a press conference the day before the show, and David Archuleta and Vanessa Carlton will be there. Aaaah!!! My fangirl heart got revived. Knowing how concert press cons are held here (I've been part of the concert press for a while in the past), I knew that this would be open to the public.

I arranged my mindset that I would be going to the office on a Thursday, and that I would travel all the way to the north to Trinoma, on a weekday. Nothing will stop me from seeing my childhood music hero -- not my work (goodbye deadlines!), not even the rain, not even the heavy traffic... NOTHING! This was my chance to see her in the flesh. I missed the chance in 2008, I will not repeat that mistake again.

It so happened that I am a member of a long-time not-so-active Facebook group of Vanessa Carlton fans and I saw one fan's post that he was flying in from Indonesia to Manila just to see the concert. I thought wow, that's some kind of dedication! I replied to his post that I'm actually going to the press con the day before. A few excited exchanges and we arranged to meet at the venue.

And so the fateful day of the presscon arrived. I got my Lumix camera fully-charged (which I have not used in a long while) and travelled to Trinoma. Fortunately, it was easy to locate the activity center from exiting the MRT. I arrived 1.5 hours early and I saw that there was already a line for the press con area. I was in social mode ON and so I immediately did small talk with the two gals who were in line with me. I found out that they were more of David Archuleta's fans but of course they are familiar with Vanessa Carlton. 

Soon enough, we were sharing our fandom stories. I told them I have another "friend" who might cut in line, and I was relieved to learn that it was okay for them. 😁I actually missed these kinds of interactions. When I was still active in the KPOP fangirling community, this was the culture back then. Everyone was so friendly and we would instantly connect with each other as soon as we find out that we are fans of the same KPOP group. I kinda felt that way with these girls. After several minutes, we were permitted to go inside the activity area wherein there were seats for the audience of the press con. Since we were early in line, we were in the fourth row from the stage.

While seated, we saw this girl in front of us who was holding two CDs -- David's and Vanessa's. We had that as our opening topic with her, and instantly we had another friend in the group! I requested to take a photo of Vanessa's CD. 😁

And here it was... the moment I had been waiting for since 2008. Ahhh!! 🤩

It was so surreal to see her in person, me being just a few feet away from her. I feel like she came straight from the airport. 😅There were hints of tiredness in her face, but her aura was so calm and grounded.

I have been noticing for the past few days that I'm having this slightly sinking feeling in my chest, and that's because I realized I was missing some of the good things that I've shared with my ex. I am now finally acknowledging that feeling. I am just human, and this is a major life experience because this is the first time that I have experienced something like this. Being in love and being involved with someone was something that I didn't expect for myself this year. It's something that came out of nowhere, which I welcomed because, in hindsight, I was curious about how I would be as a girlfriend and how I would welcome someone in an intimate way into my life. I admit, It was a roller-coaster kind of ride. I felt happy while it lasted. 😅 The aftermath of that relationship was another huge process for me. It led me to learn a lot about myself because even though I have existed for more than thirty years (🤣), I never thought that I would see myself in those kinds of situations. It was a very transformative experience with both positive and negative effects. 

The positives are, of course, the obvious ones. I was happy; I felt taken care of. I felt the highs of being in love and being in a caring relationship. The negatives became apparent only after the relationship was over because I learned that when you're in a relationship, you only see the positives. Now that I am out of that relationship, I saw crystal clear all the red flags that I was ignoring for the longest time. It's been a few months after the breakup, and I'm still processing a lot of things. I'm over the worst, thankfully, but I'm still doing therapy because I recognize that it is the best thing for me at the moment. I am not yet 100% okay, and I realize that it's okay to feel like this. I don't know if I will ever be 100% okay, and again, that's still okay. 

One thing that I learned about myself is that I tend to pressure myself to be better, which adds to the stress. I was pressuring myself, thinking I should be okay now. That relationship lasted for just months, and early on I knew that it was not the kind of relationship I wanted to be in for the long term... I just didn't have the guts to be firm with my stance. So, I was really thankful that it has been officially removed from my life. However, I admit I still yearn after the good times that we have shared. They say being in a relationship and being in love is like being high on drugs, and getting out of it is like experiencing withdrawal. Now, I am in this stage where I miss the highs. But I recognize that I cannot go back to that relationship because it is not healthy for me. 😔

I am still having this sinking feeling in my stomach. There are some things I am still doing that are unhealthy and delaying my healing progress. I acknowledge that I am struggling in that area. I am doing my best to turn that around. I am returning to the things that I once loved to do, like going to concerts, attending events, and meeting new people. Although I still feel this hollow sensation in my gut, I acknowledge that I still feel sad. I acknowledge that I still miss the person. I just sit with these feelings and recognize that I don't have to act on them. It's like meditation; you just sit with your feelings, observe them, and let them pass. For sure, these emotions that I am carrying will also pass. I have to be compassionate with myself. This is something that my therapist has been telling me. 

I am vocalizing these feelings because this has really helped me during the first few weeks after the breakup. Journaling has helped me express all my emotions in an (almost) unfiltered way. I know I will be okay. I don't know when, but I know that I will. I have to be my own best friend. I will and I am. I am cultivating my own happiness, investing in people who invest in me, and, best of all, spending time with myself and doing a lot of self-reflection. This was once the kind of life experience that I was yearning for, and it was given to me. So really, be careful what you wish for. 😅 I am coming out of this experience as a wiser and more discerning person. This is a gift as well as a curse, and it's up to me how I will look at it. For sure, there were a lot of lessons—many lessons—that I am still digesting. It's hard, and I recognize that, but again, these things will pass. Things will get better. Things are getting better. I will always remind myself of that. 🌸

~o~

Photo taken at Sulok Coffee | Instagram

3/F, Salcedo One Center, 170 Salcedo, Makati City, Metro Manila, Philippines

Since this phase's new moon, I have been experiencing more and more awareness of the struggles that I have endured in recent months. I have been seeing the situation clear as day.

Yes, I do feel like there's no sense to dwell in these emotions anymore. 😮‍💨The clarity given to me is the Universe's gift so I can finally leave and move on.

I needed these words. I have been having this feeling that I would always be afraid from here on because of those experiences, but I trust in the process. There's something better to come. 🙏✨

😭

Oh yes, this is very true. This is why I was able to filter some that attempted already. Duh, I will not entertain this kind of bs anymore.

It's fascinating because a few readings back, the cards said that the obstacle for me in this situation was The Illusion (Clow Card). And now I have cut through that fog because I have been seeing things clearer now. 

AMEN to this. 🙏

Future self, take these lessons with you. ✨

~o~

He had this kind face, and I didn't feel uncomfortable that I was seated with a stranger. His first words to me were [looking at the plastic on the back of the seat]: "Ay para sa suka?" Then I asked, "Filipino?" Then he nodded. He said when he saw my name he knew I was from the same country. We were on the same page: first time travelling in Japan, travelling solo too. It's apparently easy, we agreed, especially the train once you get the hang of it. We didn't talk much throughout the trip, just respecting each other's space.

Back at that time, it was awkward for me to interact with a male species—maybe that's why this moment was special. I didn't know where to place myself. Unfortunately, I pushed away some kindness he showed to me. 😅 I'm just glad I kept a connection with him, because I guess that is already enough for me, and I have proved to myself that I can do the first move. I think he was way way younger than me—I judged it mainly because of his interests (anime, One Piece?). Haha but I'm so happy he didn't use 'po' or 'opo' with me lol. Later would I discover (through his posts) that he is in the medical field, based abroad.

When we saw the snow at the first bus stop, we smiled like silly children—apparently it was both our first time experiencing snow. Although Mt. Fuji would not be visible for this, he completed my own sentence, that this is more preferable because it's more of an immersive experience.

He offered to take my picture, which I was so grateful for, hehe. Of course I offered to take a video of him too. 

Actually it felt like we were friends for a long time, but the setup then was a bit tricky. Do I need to wait for him? But we ended up looking out for each other. When walking on the snow, I was walking so slowly because I was really cautious because of my bad knees, but he walked alongside me to match m y pace. Upon arriving at the steps of the shrine, I wasn't able to say I'll go ahead—lol, he was busy taking selfies I think. I had a mission to do so I didn't want anything to distract me. I told myself that the 400+ steps up to the shrine were my form of sacrifice to offer as gratitude for everything that the Universe has given to me at this point, and that even though I have bad knees, I will do it. And so I constantly climbed up, never stopping for photos or whatnot, paying my respects at the shrine. When it was finally time to go down, I kinda felt bad because I could have taken photos of him at that great spot in front of the pagoda.

I was last to arrive at the bus (uh, I knew I was minutes late but I didn't want to rush walking because of the snow). And he was waiting for me. I think the tour guide asked him where I was LOL. 

I'm always awkward when someone takes photos of me. He offered, which is really cool, but haha I'm just awkward with posing, so I just told him I'll walk around the park to continue some self-reflection.

When we parted ways at the bus stop, it was so cold, the wind was blowing so hard I couldn't think straight. All I knew was that all the words I rehearsed in my mind to say as our parting words he had already said himself, so actually I wasn't able to say anything and just nodded and patted his shoulder to say thank you too. And then he went into that building. I wasn't able to say a proper goodbye as the ramen place I was planning to go to was in the opposite direction.

It was a brief encounter but it's nice to meet people with the same mindset, and for sure if it was a different setup, we would get along well. I guess my takeaway from this experience is that it is indeed possible to find someone you'll like. I just need to expand my horizon. 😅

I just want to state: don't fall in love with the moment and think you're in love with someone, just like the 1975 song says. Like those math love stories, we were perpendicular lines, meant to intersect at one dot, then go our own ways forever. Thanks to you. And yup, cherry blossoms and the snow will remind me of you. 🌸❄️

~o~

This entry was written and drafted in 2019. 💖