At the Exit Door [❁]

June 29, 2013

Last Friday, I had my last interview at my place of work. Yes, I'm moving on to a new one soon. During the interview, I realized so many things about my years of stay there. I realized that my experience was not really bad as I initially thought.

As I recalled the details from the first project that I got involved into, good memories started rushing in. I felt that I can say that my stay in the company was happy. I had great colleagues, which soon became great friends. All the superiors that I had were really kind and good. I also had the best teammates ever. :D

Now that everything is nearing the end, and now that I would be spending my last week there, I write here in all honesty that it ended like this because of peer pressure. It was all because of that from the beginning. I blended myself to get into the circle, to get accustomed to the foreign culture that this people have. Little did I know that I was preventing myself into reaching out to other people whom could have helped me to grow maturely as a person.

All the unfortunate events rooted to that one mistake that I made. I revealed something that should not be, creating a tension that will last for several years to come. Having realized that, I wonder what could have happened if I did not do that. It saddens me, really.

During the period that I was the lone person remaining, I was able to go through my thoughts without any outside influence. Contemplating with myself, it dawned to me that I was not really acting on my own accord. I have become a slave of others' aspirations all along. I just adapted to it and took it as my own. Those thoughts have influenced me so much that I didn't know what was real and what was exaggerated already. Because of this inner confusion, I decided to just leave anyway so that I could start anew - a fresh environment with new people, new ideas, and a new ambition in life.

Also sadly because of this closed mindset of mine, I was not able to give some people a chance to enter my life. To those people who have tried to reach out to me, not just once but several times, I give my sincerest apologies. Deep inside, I wanted to accept all of you but there are things about you that I cannot embrace so I kept wandering off from your path. 

To that person whom I now secretly refer to as the Song Joong Ki of my life, thank you for all the support that you have been giving me. I was always full of guilt because I was not always able to react positively towards you. I declined several invitations but still you're here to accommodate me. You inspire me in so many ways. I know that you would do good in the future. I have highly commended you during my exit interview. Hope you get that recognition that you told me you are waiting for a long time now.

And lastly, to that person whom I am strangely attracted to , and by the way I hope nobody from the office gets to read this xD, because I myself couldn't believe that I have feelings for this person xD, thanks for inspiring me in so many ways. I've grown to be fond of you because we had LOTS of things in common. Also, you know how to play my favorite instrument. :D Sometimes I wondered if you were telepathic because you always know what's on my mind. You offer things even before I think of asking for it. I know there would never be a chance that I would be able to tell this to you (or maybe if I get really really  drunk :)) ), so I'm just sending this out to the universe.  Thanks for all the blissful memories. I'll treasure each and every one of them (because there's only a few xD). Please be good in the future, and take care of your health. I know you are not the perfect man for me, but I know you will be perfect to one lucky girl that you will get to like. :)

I would be missing a lot of people. This chapter of my life is nearing its last paragraph. I'm looking forward to the next one. I know this new one would be a lot challenging. I'm looking forward to painting lots of colorful memories on this fresh blank page of my life.

Thank you. Goodbye!~ See you all around again. :D 

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