Karma Earned

June 04, 2020

They say don't speak when you are overwhelmed with emotions, especially if it's negative emotions. But I guess I have no choice but to let this out... because honestly I don't have anyone to talk to regarding this matter.

I have a lingering bitter taste inside my mouth. I'm still contemplating on why that was my initial reaction. But honestly, I was thinking along the lines of -- is this kind of a joke? I am 100% sure that I didn't need any of that, but I feel like that area is becoming something that is not being valued by people. It feels like I reaped what I sowed. It just didn't feel right. I never told anyone and I don't have plans of telling any living soul about it, but it seems like the information got out (in some way or another). But I knew oh so well that I didn't need any of that (LOL yes let me confuse you more).

I feel sad. But I guess the way I reacted to it just reflects my own issues about myself. I should learn to appreciate, but I guess I just have so many issues with myself that I strongly refuse to accept any of it. It just feels so wrong. I feel dirty.

Again, there's no such thing as coincidence. I am experiencing this because I need to learn something out of it. I think I will need A LOT of time to do self-reflection because I am feeling a lot of anger towards people and things that I know don't deserve the negative energy. Good thing we're all doing some social-distancing now because I think I'm in no shape to face anyone after what happened.

Breathe in, breathe out. Let's process things slowly, okay self? One at a time. We'll figure this out. 

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