September 2025 - Kath's Journey | Going one step at a time

Full Moon Reading 🌕 - September 2025

September 19, 2025

I used to do these kinds of readings since last year. My last moon phase reading was in December, but due to various circumstances, I wasn't able to make this a regular practice since the start of the year. I got distracted, and life happened.😅 Now that things and energies are settling down in my space, I want to go back to the tools that helped me stay grounded in the past. Tarot card reading has always been a tool for me, allowing me to reflect on my emotions and feelings.

This is not just any full moon reading; for the month of September, the full moon also coincides with a total lunar eclipse. The full moon for September occurred on the 8th. Curiously, this date held another layer of significance for me. Because of these reasons, I felt that it was very important for me to do the reading during the peak of the lunar eclipse, which was around 2 a.m. Even though I was experiencing some emotional struggles and I was running short on sleep, I wanted to wake up during the wee hours of the morning to do this for myself and reflect with the cards during this special time.

I used my Phantomwise Tarot card deck, following the Celestial Navigation Spread.

Card 1: Depicts the current position or circumstance

THE KING OF SWORDS

The first thing that came to mind was this: I am in the midst of resting after a battle. I see a man sitting on a throne, holding a sword, which signifies that he is currently resting. This reflects my own position, as I have gone into a very monumental battle and am now taking a moment to rest. I am proud of my accomplishments so far. It feels like I am in a state of rest, trying to conserve energy and refresh myself. I am sailing in clarity, reason, and intellectual authority.

Well this is true. The course that I was currently sailing needed a composure that didn't have any emotional attachment so as to clearly assess the situation and approach it with reason and practicality.

Card 2: A tool that may be used to aid on a journey

THE FOUR OF CUPS

The card is saying that in my current journey, I will be able to use my ability to step back, detach briefly, and look at my situation with new eyes. I am being reminded of emotional awareness. I should not wallow in discontent or get lost in daydreaming.

Very on point! 🎯✨This has been my goal for the past weeks since I was processing a breakup.

Card 3: An idea or influence that may be fading

EVENING STAR

Loss of openness & vulnerability; I recently had to pull back, protect myself, or move away from being wide open emotionally.

"A guide no longer needed: Sometimes, the Star fading doesn’t mean hope is lost, but that the form of guidance it offered is no longer the light you need. You might be moving from a dreamy, ideal-driven path into one that’s more practical, disciplined, and grounded."

How can it be more accurate than this! 💯Immediately after pulling out this card, my ex came to mind. He is now fading as my guiding light, the person that is giving me direction and added purpose in life. I am now changing course in life. ⚓

Card 4: A point to keep constant

KING OF WANDS

This card shows my ability to see the bigger picture and lead with inspiration

I believe the card is telling me that I need to see the purpose of these events from a macro level.

Card 5: An aspect that has yet to be considered

PAGE OF CUPS

"This serves as a reminder of emotional openness, curiosity, and vulnerability that are still waiting to be fully embraced." It's about new emotional beginnings.

First thing that came to mind: a new relationship? Hmm I am not sure if I am ready. I will stay in the mentality that "I don't chase, I attract." I will continue working on myself and maximizing my time in this world. I will craft my life as a whole person. If another person comes into my life, so be it. But I will accept him because I choose to, not because I need him, or because I'm lonely and I fear being alone. I have learned that relationships shouldn't be like that. And so for now, I am working on myself to become a whole and complete person on my own.

Card 6: Goal or destination

THE HERMIT

"Your goal may not only be to find inner clarity, but to shine a light for others who are navigating their own seas.

"I want to achieve inner peace and enlightenment, which is a beautiful way to interpret this card in this position.

This was a nice spread! It really reflected my current journey and clarified for myself the path that I want to follow as I continue my current trajectory in life. Thank you God/Universe for the guidance.✨

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lessons

New Book: New Chapter

September 19, 2025

(EDITORS NOTE: This was written a day after the day 6 post).

It really amazes me how things can change within just a week. The past six days felt like a lifetime. Now that I have received the closure that I didn't know I needed, I am ready to head to a new direction. I think this really marks a turning point in my journey. The supposed-to-be-a-month "reflecting period" became just a week-long contemplation. God blessed me to wrap it up in the nicest way possible.

First of all, I'm very thankful to God and the Universe for orchestrating this gentle conclusion of this chapter of my life. I imagine it like a box neatly wrapped around with ribbons. I will store it away and look back at it in a more beautiful and gentler way.

Don't get me wrong. I am still hurting. There are still physical manifestations, but I feel like it's for a different reason now. I think my nervous system is still catching up with all the things that happened in the past week.

One of the jarring observations that I had during this journey is that I tend to put others first before myself. This has been a lifelong pattern for me, not just in romantic relationships, but also in other aspects of my life. So that is one thing that I am learning, an area of my life that I really need to work on. As cliché as it sounds, I really have to fill my own cup first before I can share my love with others in a healthy and sustainable way.

I feel like I'm on a new road right now, with a lot of new scenarios, new possibilities, and new adventures awaiting in the horizon. But of course, I am taking things slowly and intentionally. One step at a time.

First things in order: I want to learn how to love myself more. How can I improve the different aspects of my life: may it be in the physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual areas? I guess that's one of my action items right now, to have a plan for what I can do, for each of these areas, so that I can become a better person holistically.

Second, I want to focus on building good habits. I have a tendency to put high standards on myself, which I don't usually meet, that's why I tend to feel disappointed with myself. I have to recalibrate with my expectations. I have to remind myself to avoid being too hard on myself, and learn how to pace myself with work and my personal goals to avoid burn out. I need to find that magic space, that area where I am not within my comfort zone but also not pushing myself too much. I want to be in that area of growth, and that's something I will be exploring.

Third, which is the most actionable one, I want to return to reading more. I really enjoyed consuming self-help books. I want to get back on that. However, this time, I want to execute my learnings. I mean, reading self-help books will mean nothing if I just read them. 😅

And this reminds me, I will need to relaunch my quarterly goals project. I have not done any for this year (because understandably, I was distracted 😅). But now, I will return to it. ✨

I'm looking forward to this new chapter of my life. 📖🖋️✨

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lessons

Day 6: The Plot Twist

September 19, 2025

EDITORS NOTE (again and again ☺️): The sentiments of these posts do not necessarily reflect the author's feelings as of the date. This is being written with a retrospective lens. ☺️

04:41 AM, Monday

I think I slept for less than four hours last night, but despite that, it was one of the more peaceful sleeps I have had in a while. I just made one mistake that shattered that peace. 😅 I checked one of his socials and saw a very cryptic update. As expected, I overthought and I overanalyzed it (poor me, when will I ever learn 😅). Good thing I still had a voice of reason in my head. I felt more grounded after some time and I finally let go of things that weren't out of my control.

As painful as it was, things were starting to settle in, that we were really already starting to drift apart. This would be the starting point wherein I won't know anything about him anymore, and slowly but surely, he will become a stranger to me, soon. And that was a sign for me to really redirect my attention back to myself. Those last five days were the roughest patch (I hope 🤞) and so now I start with focusing on my own growth and healing. The first five days felt like the darkest times of my life, but even though those days seemed dark, one thing is for sure: the morning will still come. Yes, the morning will come, and now I'm in the stage of anticipating that crack of dawn. 🌄 I'm really thankful for all the guidance that I was being given. I really felt like I was being guided (and guarded) throughout this journey.

I have never been so thankful for this blog. This is really becoming a tool for me, an outlet for my emotions. And I get to also capture my emotions real-time through the voice notes that I was making. I'm just grateful I have these tools that are helping me in processing all of these emotions. Also, compared to previous days, I can feel that the physical manifestations of this grief are improving. My crying sessions were becoming fewer and less intense. 😌

But of course, the mind can still feel overpowering. Today, a new set of thoughts started rushing in, related to factors that surround us that are just out of our control. I feel like I was romanticizing our relationship like it was a telenovela. 😅 New sets of questions surrounding the relationship came rushing to me, questions that I don't have the answers for, questions that don't really need to be answered at all. Those thoughts were not helping me, so I knew I needed to first process them, and let them go.

I need to learn how to be compassionate to myself. One of the very touching conversations I had with my friend a few days ago was just about this. A lot of people did say I did glow up during the relationship. Now that the relationship has ended, it doesn't mean that the glow should stop or eventually will be gone as well. Now that I have learned how I can bloom when someone loves me, I can do that to myself and allow myself to blossom even more. 🌸✨

During that same conversation, I mentioned to my friend that one of the things I truly appreciated with my then boyfriend was the way he was able to show me sides of myself that I didn't know I had, specifically in photos. Every time he took a photo of me, I would look in disbelief and amazement with that pretty girl smiling back at me from the image. I have never seen myself in that light. I have never seen myself look so beautiful. He was really able to capture it well. My friend agreed. She said that now that I know this, I can continue looking at myself in that way as well.

Actually, I'm not that comfortable with people taking solo shots of me (my friends are the same 😅). He was the one who taught me how to be comfortable and just be my natural self. He would take photos of me whenever possible. He felt joy doing that. This is another gift that was given to me from that relationship. I gained confidence to smile and pose for the camera. ✨ I will continue to do this for myself. I will continue to smile and be my natural self when someone takes my photo. 😊I will continue to shower myself with the same love that I felt from that relationship. Also, I will continue to upgrade my wardrobe. 🤣I now know the specific style that I am going for.

✨AND HERE CAME THE PLOT TWIST. ✨

I thought today was going to be another day of processing and contemplating. I was planning to do this day-by-day blog entries until the day that we arranged to meet. But little did I know that things would change today. Because of that incessant nudge from my gut, I knew I had to clear some things with him. I reached out, and through a short message, I learned that he had sent a chat the previous day. With trembling hands, I opened our chat and there I saw the message.

Now that I am writing about it, I feel like I was reliving that moment. It was one of the hardest moments of all. It literally felt like my world was falling apart. I tried to calm my nerves, but it felt like my mildly-recovering wound was gushed open again and now it's bleeding emotional pain. To cut the story short, I replied and then we got the chance to talk about it. A lot of debriefing, realizations, and things that we wished we did differently during our relationship. This was also when I realized that yeah, this chapter of my life is coming to a close. This is the closure part.

After the call, I felt light as a feather, as if all the burden and overthinking was lifted out of my shoulders. Most of the lingering questions that I had were answered in that call. It's just sad that really, the reasons for parting ways were factors that were out of our control. That part was what's making me feel sad. But again, these all still align with God's perfect timing. I think this was really the perfect time to end the relationship, before things become messier, as we navigate not just our connection, but also circumstances that would surround the relationship. Maybe this is the kind of relationship God has really planned for me so that I would now know what I want going into future relationships.

And now, the mourning for the relationship began for me. And this was really the starting point of me trying to move on. The previous days were more of stepping back from the emotions of the relationship and processing and contemplating what I really wanted out of that relationship. All of the realizations that I did note were more of presenting emotionally-detached reasons on why things should or should not end. I was weighing the pros and cons, trying to reason out and see things clearly without the emotions involved. I feel like because of this plot twist, my suffering and moving in limbo was cut short. And because of that, I'm thankful, because now I can start to really move on.

Now that I know that it has come to a close, I would start the picking up and healing of the pieces.

You know what I'm mostly grateful for in all of this journey? That I followed my gut. Imagine the alternative -- me spending the next 30 days or so analyzing, questioning, and mulling over everything, and preparing myself for the eventual meetup, only to find out that there was a farewell message already sent to me weeks ago that I wasn't able to read. It would feel so devastating if it happened that way, because it just meant that I was preparing myself for nothing. The other party has long been gone walking the other way. I'm just so thankful that I was guided to reach out to discover the decision early on. Because of this I'm truly deeply grateful. I was saved from a more painful and heart-wrenching experience.

I guess I can now officially call him my ex. 😅

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lessons

Day 5: Pains of Life

September 19, 2025

EDITORS NOTE (again ☺️): The sentiments of these posts do not necessarily reflect the author's feelings as of the date. This is being written with a retrospective lens. ☺️

This is a painting on exhibit at Orley Ypon: Pag-ibig sa Tinubuang Lupa, in display at Rockwell Center Makati on February 11-22, 2025

02:23 AM, Sunday

I woke up again in the middle of the night. 😔 I was feeling so tired and restless. I was tired, but I couldn't fall asleep. How torturous this feeling was.

The previous day, I went out for the first time for a Toastmasters meeting. The day started busy because I had to prepare several things for our club. Then the afternoon was spent for the actual club meeting. I was really proud of myself because I was able to compartmentalize my feelings. I was really in the mode as a speech evaluator so I was focused on my tasks during the meeting. I have to say, it was one of the best meetings I've had for this year. Maybe the new venue had an effect. People were really socializing and chatting with each other. I was proud of this new culture that was forming within the club.

What we usually do after the club meeting was to go to an after-party meeting (as if we were not exhausted already🤣). Our group went to a nearby cafe and ate some early dinner. Well, as much as I was exhausted, I wasn't in the mood to eat (my mind and body were really disconnected 😅). It was a blessing that one of our members gave out some goodies (food!!!) so that's what I only ate during our stay at the cafe. Our group talked for a bit, and it's fascinating how during that time, I was able to get to know more some of my club mates. The girls had some heart-to-heart talk (hah my instincts were right about something 😏) and inevitably, the topic landed with my current personal stuff. Since the emotions were still fresh, it's so very easy for me to be moved into tears. Thankfully, I was able to control myself (thank you deep breathing). I hugged the girls goodbye as my Grab car arrived (I got teary-eyed again) and I went home light-headed and exhausted. It was really a long day.

Because I heard some news about him through a friend and also saw some posts on socials, I felt so restless that night. 😅 Even though I was so very tired that night upon arriving home, I chose to go online again and do more Toastmasters tasks. I tried to go to sleep after, but my mind wouldn't cooperate. And that's how I found myself wide awake (and crying) at 2:30AM on a Sunday. 😢

It's really unhealthy to be riding this kind of emotional train. Thankfully, doing the voice notes really helped me manage the mental spiraling. I just poured out all my thoughts and emotions as I talked to myself and processed all that I was feeling. Memories just kept rushing back to me, and with each wave, I feel like I was revising them, attaching all these new emotions with those once happy memories of mine.

I think things are feeling heavier now since it's a Sunday. 😔

~o~

11:19 AM

I just got home from grocery shopping with my parents. I wasn't able to sleep continuously last night, even though I was very tired. This morning, before we went out, I found myself tearing up again because another wave of emotion came crashing in. I didn't want to do the driving at first, because I knew that I'm still not emotionally stable. But as I calmed down, I told myself I should not let these feelings cave in and paralyze me from doing things that I like (I like driving my parents around. It's my love language of acts of service for them).

While at the grocery, bits and pieces of memories still came to me. I knew I looked distracted. I also became extra observant with the people around me. I was in a very pensive mood. As I observed each of the people in there (while they were all minding their own business 😅), it got me thinking: what kind of pain has life thrown to them? What kind of burden are they carrying currently? Is it related to family, work, or a loved one? What took them to still go on with life, like doing their groceries right now?

Through my heartbreak, I realized how it's such a universal human experience to go through emotional pain. And it's also a universal experience to be stronger and be more resilient with life after. Looking out at those people, I realized that really, life goes on. Whatever ordeals we go through, we will be able to surpass them. We will emerge as stronger versions of ourselves. Also, the constant advice that I got from my friends is to always pray. Because we don't have to suffer alone. Surrender the pain to God, and request for his divine guidance. This is also what I have been doing. Aside from my voice notes, I also talk to God through prayers. And each and every time, I come out of those conversations feeling lighter and more at peace. 🕊️✨

As we were wrapping up with our grocery errands, I came across an ice cream brand that had some memories attached to it. I had repeatedly encountered this ice cream in the past few months, but I always went against buying it because it was too expensive. Well, this time around, I told myself that I deserved it. 🍦And so I went and bought it, happy and fulfilled with my indulgence. 💖

On our way home, I volunteered to drive again because I was feeling okay. Thank Goodness we were able to travel safely. 🙏✨Well, there was a relapse near the end of my driving (thankfully we were already near the subdivision) because of a random love song that played on the radio 😭with lyrics:

🎶"I was not looking, but somehow you found me."🎶

When I heard those lines, I lost it. I went silently crying while driving (it's kind of a face-palm moment now that I think about this, but I guess I was just really too emotional at that time). I think my parents didn't notice a thing (which made me even sadder LOL). So this was a lesson for me, and a sign of caution: don't listen to music while driving, for now. One safe option is to just listen to KPOP songs (or other non-English music) or just listen to podcasts (EDIT: my future drives resulted with the latter).

At this point, the physical tiredness was already catching up with me. I thought of this as a good sign because at least I am now already feeling what my body is really feeling and hopefully this means that I will be able to truly take a rest. While my body is processing the grief, the mind is also doing its own healing through writing on this blog. In the past, my way of coping was through repression. But I now know that it's not the healthiest way for me to process emotions. And so with each wave of emotional turmoil that I was feeling right now, I am giving myself permission to really feel them, embrace them, and sit through them. If I needed to cry, I allowed myself to do so, without any guilt or judgement attached.

Also, with the way things played out, I truly believe in God's perfect timing. I'm just thankful that all of these happened during a long weekend because I have this opportunity to be alone and to focus on processing my emotions. It's kind of scary actually. Since I have minimal distractions in this kind of setup, I'm really facing the waves of grief head-on. I'm not shying away from the pain. Like what my friends have told me, things will get better. The pain will not go away totally but I will get better with managing it. I will just learn how to live with the pain.

~o~

08:41 PM

I just finished watching the Sunday mass on TV with my parents. This has become a ritual for my parents, which started during the pandemic. Since we couldn't go physically to church back then, they resorted to just attending the mass virtually. That habit stuck until now. I don't really join them during these virtual masses, but today I decided to do it.

Since this was the first Sunday since me and that person parted ways, I wanted to honor one of the most important lessons I learned from that relationship: returning to my faith. Memories did start rushing in again as I sat down and watched the mass with them. I have to admit that attending church mass with him was one of the most therapeutic things I have done, and it was when I was most at peace. It's like everything was perfect in the world. Of course now that I am realizing that those are gone, I'm feeling the waves of grief again. Fortunately, I was sitting on a chair at the back of our living room, so my parents didn't notice that I was silently weeping again.

The homily was also on point, with the priest discussing the different pains a Christian goes through in order to go through that narrow door that leads to God's heavenly kingdom. The first kind of pain is the pain of remorse, the guilt of having done something sinful. The second is the pain of discipline, the sacrifices we make to follow and be a disciple like Jesus. The priest described this in a relatable way for the congregation. For example, everyone had their troubles or challenges getting to church because it was raining. Some may have had a hard time finding transportation, and others were already standing inside the church. These sacrifices are what the priest referred to as the pain of discipline.

The third pain is the pain of compassion, the pain of understanding those who hurt us. I was mostly affected by this one because it resonated well with my current situation. 😅 The priest wrapped up his homily by asking,

"What pain are you currently experiencing?"

I very well know which one I'm currently carrying right now, since I'm still processing how and why someone who I deemed the closest and most important person to me, is the same person that had the capacity to hurt and abandon me. 😔I felt comforted receiving this message from God. I believe that He is helping me understand the purpose of this pain and so as not to end up hating the other person. Because hatred will not help in my healing in the long run.

One of the triggers that made me cry again during this mass was when the livestream displayed the crowd in the church. I saw the faces of each person attending. Maybe it's because I was very emotionally sensitive during this time, but I really empathized with them. With each face in the crowd, I wondered the kind of suffering they were currently experiencing. What prayer are they offering for the mass? I realized that each of them had their own reasons, and attending church somehow felt like a collective effort of the people to offer prayers to help ease their own pains in life.

Aside from experiencing the Sunday mass online, I was able to bond with my parents during this time. I learned that during their childhood days, they were doing the Traditional Latin Mass, wherein the priest was facing the altar, similar to the crowd. All prayers were in Latin. Then during the homily part, the priest would go up the highest balcony in the church and will say his preaching there. They also recalled how their elders, during that time, were very strict with their prayer routines. 😅 Hearing this information from my parents and learning more about their childhood made me feel closer to them. I feel like I am getting to know them better as people, not just as my mom and dad, but as individuals recounting their life experiences.

There were still moments throughout the day wherein I was feeling a lot of mixed emotions. Sad. Angry. But always restless. I know we had an arrangement to meet again in the future. I'm just wondering how we would reconnect. I felt like the arrangement was not clear to me anymore because I wasn't really able to think and absorb things properly during the evening that it happened. I was actually not sure if that date still held true. But I didn't want to think much about it. I have a lot of time before that comes.

He will always be part of my life. He told me that I already made a mark in his life. Likewise.

With how things are going, I need to learn how to be open to any kind of outcome. For now, I will continue to process these emotions. I will continue to receive those waves of emotions as they arrive. I will feel them, process them, and then I will learn how to move on.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: This is my present self narrating. Looking at these notes, especially the last few paragraphs, I realized how my "gut feel" was telling me something... something that I will know several hours from that time. There's a major plot twist coming up, which I will write on day 6 of this journey. I'm thankful to have this opportunity to look back at my own emotions and see them from an outsider's point of view. Again, this is my purpose of writing these all down here in the blog. This is my way of processing my emotions, and just digesting every experience that I am having in life. I find it fascinating that I could vomit out huge walls of text from all the emotions that I have been feeling during that time. 😅I guess this is really a coping mechanism of mine that I'm really getting to utilize very much during these emotionally difficult moments of my life.)

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lessons

Day 4: Processing The Lessons

September 18, 2025

The cats photo is for attention only. 🤣 (Well this was the last of the cat photos I got to send to him).

EDITORS NOTE: The sentiments of these posts do not necessarily reflect the author's feelings as of the date. This is being written with a retrospective lens. ☺️

This is in continuation of the day 3 post.

~o~

I just had the longest sleep last night (4 hours 😅) for the first time since it happened. I can still feel the physical pain in my body, but I do notice that things feel somewhat less intense than before. I was able to complete stuff for work and personal. I was finally able to do some things that have been queued for a while in my to-do list. I feel like I was still able to be productive for that day.

You know one thing that helped lighten up my mood today? My rediscovery for my love for KPOP music.

Last night, I was chatting with friends and I just randomly asked for KPOP song recommendations. I forgot that these friends are second-generation KPOP girlies. So when I played their song recommendations, it felt like I was taken back to 2010, those years when me and my sister were at our peak of our fangirling activities. All the happy memories rushed back, and I really felt my body chemistry change. My mind and body travelled back in time.

It amazed me how much music can tap and change my body chemistry. It was really like a time capsule. With this discovery, I felt grateful because I really needed those happy hormones, especially during this time. ✨

~o~

As I continued processing these feelings, I realized how much I was emotionally invested in that relationship. I have to say it was a gradual process, but as the months passed by, the feelings really deepened. I guess that was just natural, especially if you are feeling happy and taken care of in a relationship.

At this point, my mind was still drowning with grief, and so my judgement was still clouded. Doubts and frustrations filled my mind. I tried to analyze things a thousand ways (as I tend to do). However, I realized that nothing will come out of this. There's no way for me to confirm my assumptions, and there were just a number of things that were out of my control. And I told myself, I have to be okay with that. I have to come to terms with that. Instead of spending energy overthinking, I have to refocus and redirect all this restless energy back to myself, where I have control. I have to move around the space where I have control.

There's a prayer that says:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

This is my plea. With all the things that have happened, I have to see things at face value. There's no use of overanalyzing things. I will just exhaust myself into oblivion.

The Universe knows how I felt during that relationship. God knows how happy I was and how I treasured each moment. I poured out all the love that I saved up all my life to someone that reciprocated it. It was not a smooth ride, I have to admit. I saw versions of me that I didn't know I had. I learned from my mistakes. I felt human because of all the emotions that I have felt. And now, as I'm going through another transformation, I can really feel that I am changing as a person. It's kind of bittersweet, knowing that I would not be able to love the same way again, because my heart has already experienced pain and loss. 💔

But, as I have already mentioned in previous posts, this experience is making me more compassionate. I had one-on-one talks with my friends about matters of the heart, and in the process, I was able to get to know them more. And I noticed that really, those people who were hurt the most, were able to sympathize deeply with me. They have this grit about life's struggles, because they have gone through a lot. And I realized those experiences made them stronger, and made them who they are today. This observation really fascinated me. This is how life is, really. Experience is the greatest teacher in life.

Again, I go back to that feeling of gratefulness that things happened as they were. We have imparted lots of lessons to each other that I know we will carry with us for the rest of our lives. Everything happens for a reason, and for this one, the purpose, is becoming clearer and clearer to me. 🙂

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books

#MIBF2025

September 15, 2025

All roads lead to the SMX Convention Center!

At least this is how it felt for me when I attended this year's Manila International Book Fair (MIBF), which took place at SMX Convention Center on September 10-14, 2025. I went on the 14th, the last day of the fair, which was a Sunday. I was bracing myself because I knew there would be a huge crowd on that day. I also went in during the afternoon already because I have spent the morning, still at home, searching for specific titles to pick up. I didn't want to just impulsively pick up books that I see there (spoiler alert: I DID 🤣) and so I listed at most five titles to find in the book fair.

I rode public transportation to the venue, and it took more than an hour (and I was in the standing area 😖) to reach the convention center. I was already tired even before beginning my book fair adventures. 😓 Good thing I was already familiar on how to commute, so the journey didn't add much to my stress that day.

As I expected, there were a lot of people enroute to the venue. There was even one lady who asked me for directions as to where the SMX convention center was. It was perfect timing because I had already pulled out my phone to open Google Maps because I was getting lost also (HAHAHA) so I told her the directions. Anyway, it was kind of thrilling to go out on my own again. I'm-not-used-to but used-to this kind of setup. I'm still adjusting, because it's been a while.😅 It felt like I'm going back to my old self, retracing old habits that I used to have.

The crowd at the entrance was intimidating at first, but all of us were able to enter the venue right away. There were also no lines at the ticket booth. I had planned to show them the complimentary ticket provided by National Bookstore, but apparently, it needed to be printed (I was only planning to show them the screenshot from my phone). Since I didn't have the means to print it, I had no choice but to pay the PHP50 entrance fee. 😅 Mental note for future book fairs: I must have the complimentary pass printed.

I noticed that most of the people there are from the younger part of the population. It fascinated me, because even though there are already e-books available in the market, the hype for reading physical books is still present and thriving. ✨

Upon entering, the first booth I noticed was that of the Lyric Piano & Organ Corporation. I remembered back in 2017's book fair, I bought the piano sheet of "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore, which is a movie soundtrack of "A Walk to Remember". I think I was able to study just the first 3 bars. 😅 So I guess this is a reminder for me to go back to studying the piece and playing it on the piano.

When I returned to this stall upon exit, the Taylor Swift one was no longer on the shelf. 😁

Aside from my list of book titles, one of my agenda here at MIBF was to go to Atom Araullo's book signing. I was really looking forward to this because I have been a fan of his since college days. Unfortunately, I got stuck getting books at Fully Booked. Also, I missed that (vital) information that his talk was on the second floor of the convention center. *sigh* Maybe, it was just not meant to be. I'll just see you next time, Atom. 🥲

Anyway, my book fair experience became mostly about book hunting. As I searched each aisle for the book titles I listed, I saw familiar book titles in between. Seeing the physical copies of the books I knew and read on the Kindle felt like meeting friends in real life. 😁

I found this amusing. Some are really capitalizing on the fame of the artist. 😅

The part that I really like about book fairs is the fact that I am feeling the energy of my fellow bookworms, like I can hear them squeal with delight upon seeing familiar titles on the shelves. Also, book stores showcase the best titles that they have so MIBF really is the venue if you are in search of top and trending books. The book fair is truly a candy land for all the book lovers. 😍📚

I saw this very cute version of the Harry Potter book by JK Rowling, with charming broomsticks on the edges of the pages. It's really fascinating to wander around and see books in different covers and designs. ✨

This reminded me that I have e-book copies of these books from Humble Bundle. I haven't read most of them yet. 😅

1/5 of my book titles found!

I really loved how I found this C.S. Lewis book during the fair. This was included in that five titles I was looking for. Well, I was just randomly looking over each of the shelves when this book's cover caught my attention. Only the upper half of the cover was visible as it was behind a row of books. Since I already saw that that corner of that shelf was mostly C.S. Lewis titles, I was pulled into that specific shelf. And like in slow motion, I slowly lifted the book from behind the row of books. 'Lo and behold, it was the book I was looking for! I felt so happy at that moment. I really felt the pull of this book towards me. This was similar to that feeling when I saw the Clow Cards book in a library in Tokyo. ✨

Inspired by my first book find, I continued to go through the aisles (and the people). When I finally found the shelves of self-help books, I was delighted to see another title on my book list: Attached.

2/5 of the book titles found. ✨

I think if things had happened differently for me in the past few weeks, I wouldn't even know this book existed. However, since I experienced new life experiences in the past several weeks, my mindset shifted significantly. I had this huge curiosity about the dynamics of romantic relationships so I wanted to understand them better. I dove into my first relationship without any idea of what I was doing (LOL I got my "ideas" from what I have seen portrayed in movies, dramas, and books) so I got really overwhelmed with all the new insights from my first-hand experience. I want to do better. I don't want to overwhelm myself (or my partner) due to my heightened emotions. I hope this book guides me in navigating my feelings if (or when?) I venture into another relationship again. 😅

I didn't realize when I took this photo: one of the book titles I was looking for was in here (that colorful reddish book at the lower right corner)! 😭

I wanted to buy Elizabeth Gilbert's "All the Way to the River". I was having difficulty finding it so I even asked two of the staff there to help me locate the book. And here I was, looking at this photo I took, and seeing that the book I was looking for was already in front of me. *sigh* Another not-meant-to-be moment for me during the fair. 😅

Haemin Sunim is a familiar author to me now, since my current read is one of his works. 😊

I just had to take a photo of this blue book. 😅

I first heard of this book, "How To Not Die Alone", from Ali Abdaal. It was during the pandemic and I really took to heart some of Logan Ury's tips on how to make my online dating profile more effective. 🤣 I was actually planning to reread this book because I wanted to review and apply the other relationship tips to my then current one, but my relationship ended even before I got started with the book again. 🥲

This is my current read! ✨I felt so happy seeing the physical book during the fair.

I also felt so happy seeing the physical books of Sue Lynn Tan's works! I really loved these two books (which I have reviewed on a blog post also)

Oh yes, I am the target market. 😹 #catpeople

I'm happy with my haul this year! Even though I wasn't able to complete all the book titles I initially listed down, I found new ones along the way, which I believe will be truly helpful to me, especially on where I'm at in my life's journey.

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This is my #MIBF2025 Book Haul:

A Grief Observed (C.S. Lewis) - I just want to understand this feeling of grief that I am currently feeling, and so what more than learn it from one of my favorite authors. ✨
Attached. The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find - and keep - love - (Amir Levine & Rachel Heller) - I got really curious with the neuroscience of love, since experiencing it firsthand, and so I wanted to understand those emotions better (I hope) by reading this book.
The Nervous System Reset. Overcome pain, trauma, and stress using your vagus nerve - (Jessica Maguire) - This is one of the books I picked up impulsively. 😅I felt like I needed this book during this time, so as to better manage my feelings while processing the breakup.
How to Think Like A Lawyer - and Why. A common-sense guide to everyday dilemmas. (Kim Wehle) - I admit, this reminded me of him. And I picked this up because of that. 😅
Ready Player Two (Ernest Cline) - This was the last book I picked up. I really enjoyed the first installment so I got really excited when I saw this title. Well, upon arriving home, I realized that I already read this book in 2021. 😅I guess I will just read this again. 🤣

I'm so happy I was able to return to the book fair. Apparently, the last time I went to one was in 2019 (not 2017), which I was not able to write on the blog. 😅 I love being in the midst of people with similar interests. I just feed from their contagious energy. I'm excited to read regularly again, especially those self-help books. ✨ Until next year, MIBF! 💖

~o~

P.S.

Because I was already in the area, I wanted to stop by this church, of which I have fond memories of this year.

I guess this is part of my goal of revisiting places we had shared memories of. Since it was a Sunday, I found it really appropriate to stop by and pray.

I got teary-eyed as I entered the church. There was no mass, but the church was open and there were a few people seated inside. I went to sit in the same area as the last time I was here before. I spent some time just looking around and feeling the atmosphere, recalling the memories of when we were here. And yeah, feelings just welled up from my chest again. I feel like I am so over the top dramatic, but yeah, maybe this is how I'm just processing these feelings. I offered prayers for him and for me, as we now begin our journey in life separately. 😞

As I went back outside, I just recalled those fleeting moments I had with him in this area. I remembered this point of view, wherein I saw him crossing the street walking towards me. I can see him so clearly in my head. 😔

This is also one memorable spot for me.

The gloomy soft rain of that day was complementing my nostalgic mood. This church (among others) will always have a special spot in my heart. 💖

I immediately went home after this, since nowadays I feel suffocated when travelling at home on my own at night time. I really have to do a lot of work on myself to recover and move on from these recent events. 😅

But still, I'm grateful for all of these experiences. ✨

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lessons

Self-Reflections

September 11, 2025

I feel kind of alone and lonely today (not the best combo, I know). I thought I was having a normal day, but suddenly, a huge wave came rushing in, and things just felt too overwhelming. I actually wanted to file a sick leave from work today (EDIT: I did the next day 😅), but I felt like the timing wouldn't be right. I just feel so drained already. To add up, my electrolytes are not in their normal level for days now (due to stomach trouble 🤣) so this one just piled up to the physical strain that I am currently feeling.

I thought I was already okay. I thought I was making progress. I was even ready to open up and make new connections. But nah, I realized I still wasn't ready. I felt guarded and afraid. I felt so distrusting, which is something that is unfair of me to do to others. I know this, but I just couldn't help it. I would always look back. I would tend to compare. I would then say, that nah it's not the same as the instant connection I had before.😔

My glimmers are turning into triggers. It's kind of pathetic, how I'm trying to hold onto the sand that is slowly flowing out of my hands. The tighter I try to hold them together, the more they flow away.

I'm afraid that I would go back into my shell again. Going out is giving me anxiety attacks again. I feel like the outside world is such a dangerous place to be. To add to that, going to the office felt more torturous because of the recent things that were happening. It's not really helping that these distressing events are happening one right after the other.

At home, it feels isolating. I love my parents very much, but I have to accept that they are living in a different headspace as mine. Most of the time, they have their own bubble. I feel like they're really in their "empty nesting" era, except that there's still one left... someone overstayed. 😅 Maybe this is why I feel like I don't belong anywhere. 😅

I guess as a coping mechanism, I am filling my schedule with activities (yes even my precious weekends) so that I have something to look forward to. I know what I need to do, but when emotions take over, logic just gets thrown out of the window. Overthinking will lead me to nowhere, self. Please remember that. 🙏

I was supposed to write about something else here on the blog, but I decided to write about this, because this is what I'm currently feeling. I want to dump this all down here and just take them out of my system. All I can say is, I feel so tired already. I'm so tired of crying my eyes out. I just want to turn off these emotions. I want to take a long sleep. I don't want to feel anything anymore, for once. I don't know when this will end (or will it?) but I pray that I can get through this day after day. I have to make myself my own priority. I have God; God will always be my first hotline, and then I have myself. I have to be there for myself. I have to show up for myself. I have to push through for myself.

Trust the process. I will get there. ✨

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lessons

Creating New Memories

September 07, 2025

Oh yes, this is another post about the breakup.😅I know it feels dragging already, but here I am still writing about it (and I still do have some more posts in the backlog). I feel like I'm going to talk about this over and over until I get tired, until I reach the point where I won't feel anything anymore. I won't feel the pain anymore. I compare this process with emptying a toothpaste tube. I'm squeezing all the pain out of my system until everything just becomes a neutral memory. I even have this process, when emptying an actual toothpaste tube, wherein if I couldn't squeeze out anything from the tube anymore, I cut it in half crosswise and scoop out every bit of toothpaste inside. This is the metaphor that I want to use in this healing process that I am going through.

Compared to a few weeks back, I would say that things have gotten better, and it's true that things do get better. There is still hope, and there is still the next morning; there is still a new beginning for every ending that happens.

This weekend, I returned for the first time to the place where the disentanglement happened. I was a bit worried about this because I didn't know how I would physically react. Seeing the building from afar, as my Grab car approached (I still have not driven alone since it happened because I still don't trust myself to be emotionally stable behind the wheel ahahaha), I felt a knot in my chest.

I believe humans imprint energies in a place, may it be good or bad. This is why there is a physical reaction when returning to that same place.

The significance of these spots is something that only the two of us will understand.

As I went past these spots, I can't help but still feel a weight of sadness. I tried to imagine us during those moments. I just had that longing to hug my past self, the version of me who was crying and breaking down, as she tried to process the things that were unfolding that night. I want to hug her and assure her that everything will be alright. 🫂

I got to visit more spots the next day, and as expected, there's still that twinge of pain in my chest. Memories of hushed and intimate conversations came back to me.

I will always pass through these places when I go home from work, and I pray that when I return again to these places, I would just feel neutral. It would just all feel like a dream that happened a long time ago.

If given a chance, I would like to return to all the places that I had some memories within and create new memories at those places. We've visited a lot of beautiful places around the metro, so I guess this is going to be a long journey.

I never thought that I would process things this way. I guess this is my coping mechanism at work. I will write about this over and over again. I will just write until there's no pain anymore. That's when I will know that I am finally healed and have moved on.

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Full Moon Reading 🌕 - September 2025

New Book: New Chapter

Day 6: The Plot Twist

Day 5: Pains of Life

Day 4: Processing The Lessons

#MIBF2025

Self-Reflections

Creating New Memories

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