• Witnessing serendipity vehicle in action. I've mentioned this concept previously on the blog, and this month, I was able to experience it again first-hand. I was able to reach out to a reader who apparently was collecting Nido Fairytale books, which was a fad in the 90s. He contacted me about a fairytale book that I have that's missing in his collection. Well, just like what the Universe tells us, ask and you shall receive. I responded to him, and after several message exchanges, I shipped the fairytale book to him! I was just so happy with the energy exchange that we had. And I do know that that fairytale book, that I kept for years in my childhood treasure box, is now in good hands.
• Listening to Fearless - Taylor's Version. It was also in this month that Taylor released her version of the Fearless album. And damn, what a journey down memory lane that was. I was listening to the same songs with a brand new feel. 💗 I was second year college when the original album was released, and I remember just repeatedly listening to the songs on my bed in the boarding house. I was not yet seriously stanning Taylor back then, but sure these songs reminded me of my precious college years.
• Discovering the Every Single Album: Taylor Swift - Ringer podcast. I'm so happy with the timing of my discovery of this podcast. Of course, I listened to all of the episodes starting from the debut album up to Fearless TV. I thoroughly enjoyed hearing fellow Swifties indulge their opinions and insights for each album. This experience kinda reminded me of listening to the Binge Mode Ringer podcast, which was also a deep dive discussion, but with the Harry Potter books. I'm a fan of the Ringer network now!
• Officially stanning IU. Okay so I am a fan of IU. I think she is one of the most powerful and versatile vocalists in the KPOP industry. I'm saying that I am levelling up as a fan into a follower/stanner(?) of this artist because I just fell deeper in love with her art, after watching her dingo music performance. At this point of my fangirling journey, I'll be buying a ticket of her concert in a heartbeat! 
• Identifying my life mentors. There will be people in your life that will take on roles that you won't expect them to do. That's what I learned for this month. Although we have known each other for years, it was only during this time that I was able to determine the relationship that we have. I have identified my dear friend Mai as my life mentor, especially during this time of pandemic. I've shared my miseries with her before, and she has given me a lot of advices before (especially with family stuff). Ironically, we got to talk more since our work-from-home setup began. We supported each other emotionally during these times. When we get too stressed or bored at work, we'll randomly message each other on Slack just to have someone to talk to, even virtually. And those conversations actually kept me sane most of the time. So I'm really thankful for her!
• Reaching out for help. I have always considered myself as a lone wolf. I like doing things on my own, and I have a small pack of trusted friends I hide no secrets from. Being known as independent have some downsides, because other people would most of the time assume that you don't really need anything because you got your own back. And that wall affects me too because I have to show them that I indeed can do things without any help. Well, I had to break through that wall because I did need help this time. I reached out to people, and it was such a nice feeling to know that they were all there to extend their assistance to me.
• Working on my public speaking skills. I had my third speech in Toastmasters and one of the feedback that stood out to me was that I needed to make my speech more conversational and authentic. They also said I looked nervous when I knew I wasn't really. This was why I thought of really working on those areas for my next speeches.
• Hearing the most poignant statement from my mom. "Mag-asawa ka na bago kami mawala." Whew. That was a very loaded statement. 😅 If only they knew, that's one of the things that keeps me awake at night, amongst other stuff. I love taking control of things (to-do lists, planning, etc) but I have to give this one to the Universe because I totally don't have control on this. The most I can do is study the science of relationships, with the hope that when I finally get into one, I would have the knowledge to make it a healthy and authentic one. I'm also learning to expand my social circle (which is kind of challenging during this time of the pandemic). So there Universe, I'm single and ready to mingle! 😉

• Co-working sessions at the office. My colleagues and I are getting more creative in catching up with each other, the remote way. One of my colleagues thought of setting up a Zoom call wherein we can hang out and just see each other while working, with someone broadcasting music. When they told me they were doing this, I mentioned that I have already done something like that back in January, and that setup is actually called co-working sessions. Our group got to do this sporadically for several weeks. Most of the time, I was the one assigned to blast some music, which was of course a pleasure for me to do! I was initially only on a free account on Spotify and so there were ads that played in between the music. The funny thing was, the ads were in Indonesian because I was on VPN. Because I wanted to create a smoother experience, I just went ahead and upgraded to premium. I was so happy when they told me they liked my playlist. That's the best compliment ever. 😘

• The Queen's Gambit (Netflix)
  I skipped a lot of episodes on this one, and just focused on her first match that led her to beat one of the long-time champions in that tournament. It was a delight to see Harry Melling, the actor who played as Dudley Dursley in the Harry Potter franchise, all grown up there in the series. 😉

•  Just always strive to do good, and great fortune will follow.
• Focus more on what you can do to others and to the world, not what others can do for you.
• Be in the moment.
• There are more than one source of happiness. Pursue your own path. Don't let other people's life choices distract you from making your own.
• Reach out if you feel you need help.

💃 Experiences

⛰️ Accomplishments / Milestones

🧠Game Changers

💡 Takeaways

• Trying different productivity tips, and revising them as needed. This month served as some experiment time to test some work productivity hacks. Since it really takes time for me to be "in the zone" during the weekday working hours, I tried this hack of not checking my email and slack messages during pomodoro hours, and only checking them during breaks. It was very effective for me as I was able to progress well on my tasks. However, it was not that efficient for my teammates. It took me at least 20 minutes to respond to most of my teammate's messages and they didn't appreciate that. 😅 I guess this method does not work well with my current setup. 
• I'm still in a languishing state. Is this still a phase? 😢I think my anxiety exacerbated because of some series of events, wherein the capstone was "that talk" that made nightmares come true for a person who has impostor's syndrome. I felt my reflex defense mechanism trying to protect me from this experience, but I knew the best way to process this experience was to confront the pain and learn my lessons. As of this writing (7 months later), I'm not sure if I could confidently say that I have moved on and learned. 😢 I don't know, I think I'm still sorting out my feelings. In the process, I am learning to become more compassionate to myself.
• Spaying our cat. I'm so happy I got to finally do this. We were able to spay one of our indoor female cats. It was my first time to have this done so I was slightly worried. Good thing everything went well.
  
  

  We brought 2 of our female cats to the spay center. However, our other cat was evaluated as too thin so her spay procedure was canceled. 😅 We'll just reschedule her appointment. Thank you PPBCC for the affordable spay rates! Patty is now spayed. Yay!

• I received my mother's approval for my driving skills. 🤣
• I completed my second stint as Toastmaster of the Day. This time around was easier. I noticed that I felt more comfortable under that kind of pressure. I also learned that doing TOD is part-prepared-part-impromptu speech. It's good to do some adlibs here and there to change the monotony of just reading the lines of a script. I'm so happy I got to open and share that stage with my fellow Toastmasters.
• I also became Toastmaster of the day for the Speakathon event. 💪🔥
• I was able to drive to the office. WOOHOO! It was my first time driving along Skyway so this was a huge milestone for me.
• I was able to drive to Alabang to meet up with some friends. Again, another badge on my driving journey. 😁

• This podcast episode about standards. I realized that for me to grow, I need to aim for a higher goal that makes me feel uncomfortable but not painful.
• Applying oil on the underarm, several minutes before taking a bath, to reduce chicken skin. This is a beauty hack that I needed, so thank you sis for sharing this! 🥰 
• Coffee maker. A good colleague of mine resigned from the office, and one item that he passed down to me (or should I say item that I asked for LOL) is the coffee maker that we used to brew coffee at the office. 😅 We had great memories brewing coffee for our group of friends. I am honored to have received the coffee maker. ☕✨

• Things can get better.
• Take care of your body, or else it will charge you later.
• It was just all in my head.
• Manage your temper/anxiety behind the wheel.
• Evenings are for sleeping, not for cramming work.

• Listening to new music from The 1975. This was an album that I really anticipated, and I felt so happy to be excited again about something.
• Having bonding time with mom while doing the groceries and other errands. We just had some talk about the recent life changes that we were experiencing and I couldn't help but reflect on where I was currently at and where I wanted to go. I was just thankful to have these moments with my loved ones, which I know I would cherish forever.
• Feeling overwhelmed with things. It's half of the year, but I still felt like I was catching up with life, and failing at it. I have felt this way since February, and the nagging feeling just didn't seem to go away. There were a lot of life changes that happened during the month, and I think that added to the toll (💻, 🚗,🤵👰, 💤, 🏔️). There were so many things that were out of my control, and that really stressed me out. But I was learning to cope, little by little.
• Reprogramming my finances. Because of the recent changes that also involved changes in my finances, part of adjusting and coping was to deprioritize some allotments from my budget list. I transferred my budget tracker from YNAB to Buxfer. I also canceled my Patreon subscriptions (huhu I'm so sorry 😭). I also was supposed to downgrade my phone plan (but it didn't push through, maybe in the future). I also was able to stop myself from splurging on merch items like the AWKP Starter Pück. I'm proud of myself for being able to hold back the urge to buy 🤣.
• Feeling further and further lost in life. 😢And the existential crisis continues. I just felt so out of place in this world during this time. I felt like I'm losing my identity -- as a friend, as a colleague, as a toastmaster, as me. As I continue to fail with my tasks and responsibilities, the feeling of "being irrelevant" also started to feel more pronounced. 😔
• Retracing old steps. I commuted to the office for the first time in two years. It was surprising for me because it felt like I was walking in a dream. I had to remember certain routines during the commute. I realized that it's so tiring to commute (or maybe I'm just getting old 👵).

• I have explored lots of new places via driving like the nearby mall that I haven't visited in a while.
• I'm getting good with back parking. ✨
• I was able to drive my friends around Antipolo. And it was an experience. 😫
• We got our pets vaccinated. YAY.

• Car Dashcam. Since installing the dashcam on the car, I felt more secure on the road. 😁
• Music Body Spirit Playlist. I needed all the tools that could lower my stress and anxiety levels, and, well the Universe led me to discovering this artist on Spotify. It's all instrumental music that is so calming, and is perfect for meditation or if you need some help falling asleep.
• Hot and Cold Dispenser (Bottom Load). I bought this appliance for home, and indeed it was a big game changer for everyone in the house. We now have hot and cold water readily available any time of the day. Plus, water is being loaded at the bottom so we didn't have to carry heavy jugs of water to the kitchen anymore! 😁
• Buxfer. This was my YNAB-alternative discovery for this month, and I was relieved to recognize that this budget tracker would work for me too.

• Music preserves my sanity.
• Live your life for yourself, not for anyone else.
• Every day is a new beginning.
• The Universe will give you things that you think you deserve.
• Learn to set healthy boundaries.

💃 Experiences

⛰️ Accomplishments / Milestones

🧠Game Changer

💡 Takeaways

• Stumbling onto my Diary of 2005. It was very interesting to read my thoughts as a high school student. I even was able to document my feelings upon graduation and entering college. It was cringe most of the time, but I was proud to realize that I still hold the same values 'til today. I find happiness in the simplest of things, and I am always thankful.

• Attending a Virtual Healing for a Cause. It was my second time attending, and it's always an interesting experience each time. My healer told me things that I realized were my truth, and that really amazed me. Sadly, we ran out of time so we had to cut short our session, but that conversation gave me surprising insights of myself and how I view my life.
  
  By the way, I made it to the Third Eye Wellness site! 😆This screenshot was taken during the first virtual healing that I attended wherein I volunteered for the demo session.
  
  
  

• (Almost) losing one of my cats. Ooh, this is a tough one. Well to cut the long painful story short, One of our cats fell ill and didn't eat for several days, but she thankfully survived. I was already in the acceptance stage that she'll be dying, but I found that she was still alive and breathing. So I ended up force-feeding her through a syringe and gave her vitamins until she felt well again. And now I cherish that cat even more. I think it would hurt deeper now if I lose her. Huhu. I love you Cloudybells. ☁️😻

• Viewing the Moon and Mars from my window. It was a magical moment, and I thank the Universe for that gift. 🌕✨

• Connecting with younger souls. I truly believe the kids will be alright. I'm excited to see the great things my nieces will be able to accomplish in the future.

• Watching the Harry Potter 20th Anniversary Special. It was such a great way to start the year. I really felt like I was a child all over again as I watched these actors I have loved and as we revisited the Potter world again. It was the right decision to rewatch all the HP movies before seeing this special. Nostalgia is real. I was bawling as the movie ended. 😭I was planning to do a rewatch to just absorb the feels all over again, but I couldn't seem to do it. Once was enough. I was happy to relive these wonderful childhood HP memories again through the docu special, but sad also because I knew I can't go back to relive the magic again. I don't know, it just felt so bittersweet that I wasn't able to do a second run of the show. But I loved it. I absolutely loved it. ⚡

• Indulging in retail therapy. We all know how stressful this month has been, right? I guess online shopping will always be one of my coping mechanisms in dealing with stress. I experienced receiving three parcel deliveries in a single day. 😲It felt a bit overwhelming, but I'm just so thankful that I get to purchase these things for myself. 🙏✨

• Receiving a bouquet of flowers (with chocolates!). 💐🍫 I did a collaboration with Philfora and this is one of my favorites so far. I have never had a suitor in my life (so far 😘) that's why receiving flowers is such a foreign experience for me. I got to receive this wonderful bouquet from them and it was so beautiful! 💖 Just imagining it coming from someone I like is making my heart flutter. 🥰
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  I placed the flower on a vase with water. I very much enjoyed looking at the flowers each day. I missed going to the outside world and being immersed with nature, so seeing a piece of it inside my room was a joy.

  
  
• Witnessing life melting away, unintentionally. The realization of earning this lesson came as a soft blow for me, and I knew that this is a heavy lesson to carry, and it's just a bitter fact-of-life. We are mortals. We're all going to die eventually. We can approach this idea in two ways - think how morbid and cruel it is, and on the other hand, appreciate how precious life is, because it is fleeting. I got to experience this "rule of life" in two ways. First was through a kitten. One moment I was just holding this tiny little kitten, marveling on her fragile wiggling body. An hour or so later, I held that same kitten, this time it was not moving anymore. It was lifeless, but still warm. At that moment, I just realized how fragile life is. Being alive is a miracle. ✨
  
  The second one is through those flowers that I received. I looked at them everyday and I saw how it slowly wilted away.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  I came face-to-face with one of my fears in life. "I'd rather be a ticking bomb than a fading light". That was my mindset years ago. But looking at the withered flowers, I found a different kind of beauty with it. I found myself looking at a different kind of charm and elegance, somewhat similar to a performer taking his final bow in front of an applauding audience. I guess I'm interpreting the message as this: we're all going to grow and die someday, but it's in our duty to live a life well-spent, a life with purpose, a life with meaning. And that is exactly what I will be doing moving forward. ✨

• Hearing everyone around me confirmed to have COVID. If the pandemic was a tsunami, this was the month that it hit me with the surge. 🌊I'll never forget the stress I felt during this time. Several of my officemates have shared that they tested positive. Those teammates that suddenly went on a long unplanned PTO I just assumed that they got directly affected with the virus. There was a shortage of paracetamol and almost everyone I know was down with a flu. The number of cases skyrocketed and broke a new record-high each day. It was so stressful. 😨December felt like the calm before the storm this month. As of this writing, the cases are constantly declining, and I really hope it continues until we won't hear of COVID ever again and we go back to living, not worrying about the virus everyday. Please, two years is enough. 🙏

• Exercising empathy. In the midst of the virus paranoia during this month, my sister decides to push her plans to fly domestically to attend a wedding of a person she doesn't know at all, with the cost of getting the virus and bringing it back home to my senior parents. 😔😱😭😡 During those times, a lot of emotions went through me. I allowed myself to feel them, but I also gave myself a chance to reevaluate the situation. I reflected on how she might be seeing the situation. I tried to find her reasoning, where she's coming from, making these kinds of decisions. Maybe she was just in this kind of headspace that a deadly virus doesn't scare her. Since I cannot really control her movements and actions, I thought of the things that were still within my control. I bought K94 masks. When they finally arrived from the airport, I helped so that their contact would be minimal. We decided to wear masks while she "isolated" in her room (which was totally another issue for me because I don't think isolation involves still going out and meeting people, right? 🙄). I have accepted the fact that she will always be the senyorita of the family who doesn't help much at home and just locks herself in her room. She's on a journey of her own, and it's her lessons to learn. I have learned that it's not up to me to judge and to execute her for not doing the things that I think are right. This reminded me of something I read from a book (I just don't remember which one), and this in paraphrase: people clash because they have different concepts of what is right and what is wrong for them. And this situation is exactly that.